


Good In A Way No One Knows

by HatakeSun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Actually Good Playlists (Where Applicable), Angst and Humor, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Chekhov's Fucking Boomerang, Coming of Age, Dom/sub Play, Drunk Sex, Experimental Style, F/M, Group Sex, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Light BDSM, M/M, Multi, No use of y/n, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Recreational Drug Use, Rough Sex, The Law of Conservation of Detail, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Unreliable Narrator, Vitriolic Best Buds, Whole Pie of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:14:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 78,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29085198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HatakeSun/pseuds/HatakeSun
Summary: CH18: FWN2 - Fish LadyWhat, in the name of,the fuck.In whatpossibleversion of reality, would it have been a good fucking idea, to imitate his ador-stupid!Stupidfucking accent,directlyto his fucking face?A smutty slice of life, where you don't know the whole story until you think you do, at which point you realize you know nothing.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 42





	1. The Walking Disaster that is Tetsurou Kuroo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo is hot.  
> How annoying.

**EVENTUALLY PART ONE:  
** **The Walking Disaster that is Tetsurou Kuroo**

Kuroo is kind of like a jack-in-the-box.

You're presented with this cool, prettily painted exterior, but take a few seconds to wind it up, and out pops the dumbass clown inside.

Truly, the guy is a damn menace to society.

The rest of humanity would probably invent some kind of medal to give you if they knew how easily you give in to him. If the people only knew just how many times you've taken one for the proverbial team.

After all, it isn't like the half-assed, transparent 'bad boy' act from that nerdy-vampire-aesthetic-having _idiot_ would ever actually work on _you_.

It's definitely only with the weight of the world on your shoulders that you end up hidden away with him in one abandoned room or another whenever your teams meet up for these sleepaway camps.

Really, it's for the benefit of humanity itself that you wind up blanketed by darkness, allowing his hands and mouth to explore every part of you.

Every time it happens, that's just one more poor soul you've rescued from having to put up with the six-foot-two walking disaster that is Tetsurou Kuroo.

"You missed me, right?"

He says it with a smug, lopsided grin, grabbing your wrist and pulling you into what appears to be some kind of teacher's lounge.

Sure, he's somehow got you in this position, _again_ , but ever since the first time (that's a story for another time, and that time is _never_ ), you've been firmly committed to not making it easy for him.

You reply with a _tch_ that becomes a sigh, which you not-so-smoothly cut off when he presses you against the wall, dragging his hands up the length of your arms as he raises them above your head.

You know for a fact he isn't actually as smooth as his hands and mouth can trick you into believing, but you do sometimes wonder _what unearthly being do I thank for teaching him these things,_ or if maybe knowing exactly how to touch someone simply comes with the territory when you fall out of the sexy tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Actually, the brain trauma caused by that might explain his personality.

You feel his smile spread against the skin of your throat, and it leaves you fighting the desire to struggle against his hold on your wrists so you can thread your fingers through his hair. Your head bows with a shiver when he runs his tongue up the side of your neck.

He pauses to speak once he has your earlobe caught between his teeth. "Ah. You know... this tsundere thing you're trying to pull off? _Really_ gets me going. Its my type, did you know that?"

"Really," you reply with the least amount of surprise you can muster, head turned away from his warm, wandering breaths. "Never would have guessed, what with your pining over _Kenma_ since you got your first boner."

"I'm telling him you called him a tsundere."  
"I'm pretty sure he knows."

Kuroo stands to his full height, dark hair falling in front of his face as he looks down at you with a tilt to his head. "Is this a... _jealous_ tsundere? Am I living in a hentai fantasy?"

"Some kind of fantasy, that's for sure."

A traitorous sound of surprise escapes through your lips when he moves an arm beneath you, lifting you to meet his eye level while maintaining his grip on your wrists with one hand. Instinctively, you wrap your legs around his waist, and he grinds his hips into yours.

Your lips are tickled by the vibrations of a withheld sound of pleasure.

"I _could_ just go to bed," he says, obviously faking a yawn. "I'm pretty tired anyway..."

You can feel the muscles in his forearm flexing beneath you through the thin material of your skirt as he guides your body against his, allowing you to feel the growing evidence that he is very much opposed to the idea.

He's baiting you.

"You're annoying."

Your bottom lip is caught between his teeth.

"No, _you're_ annoying."

Your hands drop free of his grasp when he brings his together beneath you, balancing you on the knee he presses between your legs. One of your hands drapes around his shoulder, fingers stretching the fabric of his t-shirt to make him mad, while the other tugs the short hairs on the back of his neck to make him unable to complain about it.

He manages a slightly annoyed moan into your mouth, because Kuroo is the sort of guy whose weaknesses are as simple as they are plentiful.

You swallow the sounds of his pleasure, guiding his head like a puppet with strings made of black hair, dipping his tongue in and out of your open mouth as he mindlessly seeks friction against you. Lost to the feel of it already, he is drawn in by the suggestive way you suck the muscle each time it pulls out from between your lips.

With enough practice, it's easy to learn what makes anyone tick.

The room is dark, and the quiet lends an echo to your breaths. You can physically feel his voice, wordlessly sending vibrations through your chest, heat building at every point of contact between your bodies.

The air is thick, almost intimate, and you might get lost in the feeling of him.

The moment doesn't last long.

"So, wanna fornicate?"

He laughs at his own 'joke.'

"So, commence copulation?"

_Why is he like this?_

"Ah, nice shirt, shall we _coitu_ -ow! Hey!"

"Please, please stop. Forever." You complain, but only without going through the trouble of putting any real effort into it. At this point, there isn't much you can do about Kuroo knowing exactly what to say to disturb you.

He's already memorized and categorized the list of your pet peeves.

It's an unfortunate side-effect of knowing someone too well for too long, and not having the physical capacity to beat the ever-living _shit_ out of them for it.

You can find some amount of respite, at least, in the fact that streets tend to go more than one way.

"You know Kuro-kun, when you say gross words so grossly, it makes you look kinda... ugly?" You make a show of inspecting his face. "Yep. Ugly."

Kuroo feels like a decent enough human being tonight, apparently, to pretend he believes you. "You're always taking things way too far, you know that?"

Your legs unravel from around his waist and he stands, dropping his hands to his sides. He wobbles, but only slightly, when you choose to dangle off of him rather than let go. You're a dead weight, arms locked around his neck and, as usual, he is woefully unbothered by the burden of you.

"Ah. Here I was expecting a confession." His knees bump against your legs with each of his shuffling steps, but he avoids placing an arm around your back to steady you, because that would be helpful, and therefore very un-Kuroo. "You know, I was dreading having to let you down gently, since I'm a good guy, but since you're a complete shithead, I'm actually looking forward to it now."

You feel the muscles in his neck and back tighten as he drags you along to the collection of couches and chairs in the center of the room, and you know he isn't done talking _or_ being annoying, because if either of those things were even possible, he surely would have done them at least once before now.

"Besides, it takes virtually zero effort to convince you to fuck me these days. You know? No chase. Nno fun."

He can probably _see_ you remembering that he quite literally _chased_ you down the hall yelling 'jason lives' with two pairs of ketchup-covered tongs sticking out of his sleeves (and why does he even try, he's so bad at things) not twenty minutes ago, before you both ran out of breath, spent ten minutes trying to get the world's smallest drop of fucking ketchup off of the god forsaken idiot's _favorite sweater whaaa_ , then ended up here.

He chooses to ignore it.

"So you can see why, naturally, I assumed it was because you've fallen hopelessly in love with me."

"It's more like, the exact opposite of that."

When you feel something soft against your ankles, you spread your arms out and fall back like Major Motoko dropping from a skyscraper, landing on the thankfully comfortable couch that he, the skyscraper, has so kindly positioned you over.

"Ah. I heard you write my name in hearts all over your notebooks too." He stretches, tilting his head from side to side as you settle into the couch.

You play along, like you always do, pulling your feet up onto the cushions as you watch him. "Oya?" You tuck your knees into your chest while your eyes adjust to the dim light. "And which one of them told you that?"

He cocks his head with a hand on his hip, a pose the girls have dubbed 'sassy-kun' behind his back, and he considers who to pin a possible future hit on.

"Oikawa," he decides.

"Riiight, who else." You watch him from your seat as he stares down at you, absentmindedly brushing his bangs away from his face. "So how did he find out?"

"Ah, can't say for sure, but you know Tooru." He moves your knees apart, settling himself between them on his own, frustratingly still looking down at you despite the new position. "He probably made it up."

"Well, it's partially true, so I might let him live."

"And she was known throughout the lands for her mercy." He stops halfway from kissing you. "What do you mean? Ah, partly true?"

"I did write your name," you tell him before clarifying with a sinister whisper in his ear, "it was on a voodoo doll though."

He tries to look like the word alone doesn't terrify him (ghost, bigfoot, literally anything even remotely supernatural would have the same effect), and it isn't the first time you're amazed he still tries to make himself seem 'cool' after how long you've known each other. It must be some kind of disorder that leads him to believe such a thing could even be possible.

"So that's why I've got this pain in my ass." The whiteness of his teeth in the dark is highlighted by a lopsided grin that can only, disturbingly accurately, be described as Cheshire.

If it weren't for his seemingly compulsive need to annoy you, the way Kuroo manages to be so accidentally attractive would be what pisses you off most about him.

"That must be from something else," you tell him, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively as he drags his hands up your legs. With a dramatically disappointed sigh you add, "the voodoo doll didn't work."

"Oya?" He grips your thighs, face now level with yours, and stares you down with bangs already falling back into his eyes, questioning and amused.

"Well, I guess there could be some kind of, time delay, or something like that." You bite back a snide smile at his reaction, tying your heels together behind his back and pulling him closer to you. "It _was_ my first time."

"It's ah, good thing I'm not superstitious." He very much _is_ superstitious, and he knows that you know it. "I hope you at least made it quick and painless for me."

This is an odd sentence to punctuate with a moan, but he does it when you catch his bottom lip between your teeth, and he allows himself to be pulled down by the shirt against you.

You press soft kisses across his face, marking your way to his ear where you whisper that " _there may have been chopsticks involved_."

Your bodies either act on their own, or have memorized the motions.

Conversations flow freely between breaths, no need to think about how to move as you push each other's skin to tingle. Teasing words are barely interrupted by the seemingly unrelated actions of your bodies, except by your gasps when he runs a palm across your nipple, and the sharp breaths he intakes when your teeth take the thin skin of his collarbone between them.

"Just so you know, I'm pretty sure I could get away with murdering you. I don't wanna tell you how to live your life Kuro-kun, but maybe shut up and get on with it?"

Your eyes flutter shut, back arching when he finally begins to work his hands under your skirt.

"Ah, I get it," he says, sucking a dark mark into the skin of your chest. "I know, you wanted to be a serial killer when you grew up." His words are broken up by light exhales, and you feel his Adam's apple bobbing beneath your lips and tongue as he talks. "I thought I was in the clear since you haven't murdered me yet, but you've just been lulling me into a false sense of security, haven't you, Kirei-chan?"

There was a time you would have complained, but you know by now that it won't erase _Kireina_ from his vocabulary, or anyone else's for that matter. A 'nickname' that has become so potent, some people don't even know it isn't your real one. As if it might have been your own parents who were cruel enough to call _you_ a thing that means pretty, pure, and clean. No creature but Tooru- _fucking-_ Oikawa has the ability to come up with the most annoying possible nickname on a person-to-person basis with pinpoint accuracy, then manage to actually make it stick. You just can't muster the wasted energy to be pissed about it anymore.

Kuroo's head falls back as he expectedly ignores your threat, fingers digging into your hips when you tug roughly on his hair in frustration, pressing your lips together with equal force.

He changes the subject from his own demise by pushing you down on the couch. His body follows over yours and he holds himself up on an elbow, tongue flicking and sliding against your own as he struggles to rid you of your shirt with his free hand.

From experience, you know that Kuroo will in fact tear the clothing from your body without a second thought, leaving you with a more troublesome trip back to your room than is necessary, the inconsiderate bastard, so you push him away and undo the buttons yourself as a preemptive measure.

He brings his arm to wrap around your waist, between your open shirt and hot skin, coarse palms scratching, squeezing you tightly, and making a noise that reminds you of relief.

You suppose you can begrudgingly agree. It has been awhile since you had the chance to get together.

Not that you missed it.

With one leg over the back of the couch and the other snaked around his, you give in.

Teasing and pretense, and dignity most likely, falls away as you release eager, wanting noises, meeting his hips with your own.

You lick at each other's lips, rutting and rubbing against each other like a couple of virgins too nervous or too caught up in the moment to just get on with it already.

He groans and gives you room to breathe, shifting onto his knees as he pulls you into his lap. He is straining tightly in his pants, sliding himself hard against your ass so you can feel it, and lifts a hand to rub lazy, teasing circles over your clit with his thumb.

Your body curves into his touch without notifying your brain of its plan, and you know as soon as it's over that the desperate cry your wide open mouth creates was both louder than it should have been, and sounded suspiciously like _please_.

"Ahh, cute. Go ahead and make that sound again for me, would you, _Ero_ -chan?"

Thankful that the darkness of the room will help to hide your face, you decide to wipe the smugness off his by slamming a heel directly into his spine.

He sputters out an 'ahgk' and leans back abruptly, hands flying off of your body to reach around and rub at the spot. "What the _hell_. Always fucking hurting me." He makes a chastising click of his tongue, then gets a sly look in his eyes. "You want me that badly, huh? Always so fucking impatient, too."

You pop one squeezed-shut eye open to peer at him, because maybe that was _slightly_ harder than you meant it to be, but not if anyone asks. "Are you paralyzed?"

"I think I'll be able to walk again. Someday."

"Damn," you say while scrambling to your knees and shoving him back against the couch, "too weak. Again."

"Ah." He hums, hand on your shoulder helping to guide you into the space between his legs as he relaxes into the cushions. "Can't say I'm comfortable with the idea that you've actively been trying to paralyze me, but I guess the signs were there. Either way, you'll need to train a lot harder if you plan on defeating me."

He looks down at you from behind his bangs as you dip your fingertips into the waistband of his pants. "Or I could just suck you off."

"Ah shit. My only weakness."

Kuroo raises his hips just barely enough, ensuring that you still have to struggle to tug his pants down over his thighs, because he is relentlessly troublesome.

You pause midway through the motion to glare at his boxers, which are patterned with googly-eyed poop emojis, because _of fucking course_ they are.

"How embarrassing. Laundry day, you know."

His expression is not his embarrassed expression, its his _wow I can hardly believe how hilarious I am_ expression, and you dutifully ignore the fact that you can so easily differentiate, so as not to annoy yourself further.

"See, this kind of shit is why you have no friends."

You punctuate the jab by gripping him through silky fabric, and the only drawback to his reaction – muscles tensing as his body jerks into your loose fist, abs exposed by the hand he slides beneath his shirt, head thrown across the back of the couch with a drawn out _ahh_ on his lips – is that you can't quite see his stupid, pretty fucking face from this angle.

Your eyes are magnetized to him and the long column of his throat, as they so frustratingly tend to be, and you place a thumb on his chin, pulling it down towards you in search of this, your favorite of all his expressions.

Maybe you like it so much, because it's something close to suffering.

"I'm pretty sure this kind of shit is exactly why I've got, _ahh_ , plenty of friends," he struggles out.

Your hand massages tighter over him, and he makes to pull his head from your grasp.

You hold him in place. "Teammates don't count." You bite your lip, watching him get lost in the lusty haze before adding, "and Bokuto doesn't count either." You press splayed fingers against his chest, forcing him to lean back, where you want him.

"That doesn't seem, _mmm_ , fair to Bokuto-san. You know, you really are a monster."

Kuroo's strong, but still-lanky frame is slouched into the cushions. One hand grips the fabric of the couch while the other tucks his shirt between his teeth, holding it out of the way so he can brush fingertips across his chest.

His skin is warm as you stroke him, and you can't help but angrily wonder, silently of course, who the _fuck gave him the right to look this good_.

He pants, grinding his hips up into your touch and whining. "You know if you were good, I might let you tell people _you're_ my friend."

"Someone who looks so lewd and desperate, really shouldn't try to say smug things."

"Ah, you think I look lewd?" He says, lewdly. "You'll make me blush, Kirei-chan."

You muster a light scoff from your place on the floor between his legs, and his eyes darken when you lean in to blow warm air through the fabric restricting him.

"Ah, _shit_. Just quit teasing me, and I'll act however the fuck you want me to."

The sound he makes when your tongue dips inside the opening at the front of his boxers to run wet up the length of him could have crumbled you.

He peers down at you, too aware of your own plentiful weaknesses, and you are forced to harden your resolve.

It won't be you who is reduced to a gasping, moaning mess tonight.

 _Not again_ , you pointedly do not allow yourself to think.

You ask, "can you maybe act like someone who isn't an annoying loser," already knowing the answer.

He snorts, rolling his eyes. "Ah but, how would you resist me then? Neither of us would get anything done if you just constantly had my dick in your mouth."

He leans in for a quick wet kiss, then moves his hand to the back of your head, nudging it down.

With one hand fisted in your hair he frees himself, cock springing up to leave a wet mark where it slaps against his stomach. He leans back as he pulls your lips to him, and you feel the warm skin press against your lips.

You wonder, "why have I done this more than once?"

He answers, "screaming orgasms, delightful banter, ah, you're a masochist. I really don't care at this point, just pick one, alright?"

Out loud, you click your tongue.

In your head, you pick all three.

You can feel his impatience growing. He's getting rough with his fingers, probably not even realizing it.

You love how out of control his neediness can get.

You take him deeper between wet lips, sucking and massaging with the flat of your tongue around his head to make sure he can't start talking again.

_"Ahhnn. Ff-"_

Well, to make sure he can't say _words_.

You watch him, lamenting the harrowing problem of Kuroo's objective attractiveness. His tall, eye-catching build that settles in the sweetest place between thick masculinity and lean muscle. He's all dark hair, all purring voice, and all those dark, sly eyes. You've always known it's actually a good thing his inner dweeb is so overwhelming. It just wouldn't be right for one person to have everything.

For a few reasons though, the absolute sexiest thing Kuroo does, is shut the fuck up.

When you take him into your throat, and all he can do is whimper and groan.

When you suck and hum, working your mouth over him, and he gets rough with his hands and careless with his grip because he's lost himself, all for the pleasure you're giving him.

The first time you let him fuck your throat, he was finished in about a minute, then came to find you the next day with his tail between his legs to say _I'm so sorry, I was too rough last night_.

Getting him to lose control like that, has been a fun little goal of yours ever since.

"Can I- _fuck_ ," he stutters out between moans, "I want-"

He looks dazed and fucked out already, your wet sucking sounds filling the room as you watch him writhe, legs flexing down to his toes and fingers roaming from his chest to the couch cushions to your hair and back again.

He asks so nicely, but doesn't seem to realize he has already started.

You mumble out a sound around his dick meant to mean something along the lines of _hellooo_ and unsurprisingly, he is able to translate.

" _Ah_ s, sorry," he breathes out, not really meaning it.

With the permission, he stops his shallow movements and moves his hands to the sides of your face. He scooches to the edge of his seat, holding you still as he starts pressing his hips forward to fuck into your mouth, shifting a palm to rest at the back your head.

His dick is sloppy with your spit, and he is cursing and growling, moaning for you and to you, no longer holding back as he moves rough hands along your cheeks and under your throat, feeling the way his cock moves beneath the skin each time he thrusts deeper.

It's tight. Hurts, but in a good kind of way.

The pressure and your breathlessness and his sounds, and even the way he sometimes pushes a bit too deep, feels like control and the loss of it at the same time.

You meet each other's gaze, wetness forming in the corners of your eyes.

His mouth falls open, eyebrows pinching together in a pained sort of pleasure, and he makes you gag with a particularly deep push. He slips himself out of your mouth to give you a break, tracing your lips and neck with fingers like feathers as you catch your breath.

"Ah did you know, I really never thought I'd be the type of guy who said stuff like _choke on my cock_ ," he says, likely to make up for the time he has just spent not verbally annoying you. "You're a bad influence."

He settles back against the couch, pulling your head down along with him.

"Weird," you reply, ready to ruin him further. "I could be crazy, but I feel like I remember you literally always being _that_ type of guy."

You let him guide your head by the handful of hair he grabs, let him use and abuse your mouth and throat so long as he keeps making those noises that act as verbal lubricant and make your walls clench around nothing, little electric zaps prickling along your shoulders and sides each time he shudders or bites out a curse.

He laughs through a sigh, apparently having amused himself with a wayward thought. "It's genuinely fucking _wrong_ how much I love it when you can't talk."

You resist his hands at the back of your head. "You know what Kuro-kun? I feel the _exact_ same way."

He clicks his tongue, and pushes you back down again.

Kuroo always holds your lips to his pelvis longer at the end of a stroke when he's getting close.

Lets the spit drip and form wet tendrils while you're catching your breath.

He's drawing it out.

He _ahs_ when he pulls your head up, and presses down again with an _mmm_.

His arms and body curl in on themselves around your head, pulling and pushing as he gets more desperate.

Closer.

You've always enjoyed how loud Kuroo gets just before he comes, and you really, really should have seen that for the warning it was.

Make Tetsurou Kuroo scream, and someone is bound to come running.

"Hey hey he-OLY _CRAHP!"_

When the door opens, a comedy of errors begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you've got no idea what you're in for. but stick with me, and we could have some wild times. dont forget to smeeesh dat kudo button to prove you exist


	2. Bokuto Koutarou is Highly Illegal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey holy fuck.  
> Bo is a goddamn virgin mess.

**EVENTUALLY PART TWO:  
** **Koutarou Bokuto is Highly Illegal**

"Hey hey he-OLY _CRAHP!"_

When the door opens, a comedy of errors begins.

You let out a startled squeak, and Kuroo pushes your head down onto his dick further in a misguided attempt to quiet you, which forces a tragically wrecked, much-louder-than-a-squeak moan out of him. Your mind is telling you to run, but he thinks hiding is the right course of action, so your attempt to pull away and his plan to cover you from line of sight leads to an awkward headbutt and pained groans from each of you – yours in annoyance, and his in response to the way yours sends vibrations through his already on-edge dick. Unsure what to do next, both of you end up simply freezing in place, looking like poorly positioned mannequins at a bad student art exhibit.

"I _knew_ I could hear your voice Kurobro." Bokuto says as if he isn't nonchalantly strolling over to where Kuroo is half naked ninety-nine percent of the way to having an orgasm buried balls deep down your throat and the 'voice' he followed to this spot could have only been obvious moaning. "Oya? Kurobro and Ki-chan? _Niiice_."

You are momentarily concerned that Kuroo has literally _died_ of embarrassment, but you see him smash a nearby throw pillow directly into his face out of the corner of your eye, so he is still breathing at least.

Kuroo might be trying to suffocate himself, but with no obvious escape route and annoyingly intimate knowledge of just how _graceful_ Bokuto's 'social graces' are, you've got no choice but to allow a feeling of deeply begrudged acceptance wash over you.

"He seems like a Pokémon when you call him that."

You hear Kuroo giggle, _giggle_ , from behind the pillow, and regret hits in record time. You should have just left the damn dick in your mouth and stayed quiet.

"Bokubro. Bo-Bo-Bokubrooo. Hah."  
"Kuu-KuKu-Kurobro! Wahha."

You exhale a tortured sigh and make to stand, but Kuroo startles out a 'wait' and smooshes himself against your face, apparently wanting to continue using you as some sort of human dick shield.

Your eyes roll so far back your pupils orbit the planet when a near-orgasm whine escapes from Kuroo's lips, and he immediately hangs his head, still covered by the pillow, as though this situation could have somehow been made any more awkward than it already is.

"OhHoOh? Wha, mid-blowie? Nice Kurobro."

You feel Kuroo's entire being go tense while your own becomes a limp noodle, surrendering to the stupid.

Kuroo's voice is muffled. "That's really just so, so s-ah, fucking great Bo. Thank you. I'm _super_ glad I could make you proud."

Bokuto is the type to take things at face value.

It's one of the qualities you love most about him, but it also means you're always gambling on a fifty-fifty chance that he picks up on sarcasm. One might say Bokuto isn't great at _reading the room_ , and if that 'one' is Akaashi, _socially illiterate_ is the preferred term.

Come to think of it, Bokuto is a bit regular illiterate too, but that isn't exactly pertinent to the current situation.

You hear a body drop into the chair beside the couch you're still on your knees in front of, and while you know _who the fuck does that_ would be a perfectly reasonable thing to ask right now, only someone who doesn't know Koutarou Bokuto would consider it rhetorical.

The answer is fucking Bokuto. Bokuto does that.

"Man, when the heck did you end up with Ki-chan? Are you like, a traitor?"

You can't know for sure if Bokuto's arms are crossed in a huff, what with your face still being used as cover for Kuroo's exposed crotchal-region, but you'd bet your right arm he's pouting.

"So, ignoring the fact that every single fucking person we've ever met _guessed_ , correctly obviously _,_ how the fuck am I a traitor?"

Kuroo's words don't have the bite he's probably going for when they're said whilst hiding behind a crocheted throw pillow.

" _And_ , I've literally told you about this to your _face_. Fuck, forever ago. Multiple fucking times."

Then again, maybe he's actually just got it prepared for when he inevitably wants to scream into it.

"Well yeah bro, but I thought you were lying."

 _Yeah, it's gotta be the screaming thing_.

"What the _fuck_?! Why?"

"It just doesn't make sense to me that someone who isn't the best, no offence bro, is getting blowies, when I, the best, am _not_ getting blowies. Not even one! Guess I was thinking, _mmn no, hoping maybe_ , uh-you were just, you know, menifishing, or whatever. Hey hey wait, does this mean, I'm actually even more lame than you? No way, right? I can't be."

You can almost _hear_ him thinking.

"I'm definitely not that lame, right Ki-chan?"

Since your hands are currently trapped beneath Kuroo's thighs, you cover your indignant laugh by pressing your lips against the nearest appendage, and wheeze.

Astonishingly, Kuroo doesn't seem to find this quite as hilarious as you do.

"First of all, _manifesting._ Second of all, I've never felt so insulted while having a boner in my entire life, and insulting me while I have a boner is literally her kink. Thirdly-" Mid-sentence, Kuroo deems it safe to drop the pillow and face the situation at hand. "-ahhawhy the _fuck_ are you shirtless?"

His sudden change in tone, and the fact that you will literally never _not_ look at Bokuto when he hasn't got a shirt on at every possible opportunity, gets your head spinning. You nearly crack your neck whipping it to the side, expecting resistance from Kuroo but getting none, as he seems to be suddenly weakened.

You can't blame him.

"Is-is that a fucking _nipple_ piercing?" Kuroo balks, just as you notice it yourself.

"Oh right. Yeah, Suga." Bokuto supplies.

Honestly? This answers any and all questions you may have had. "Suga-chan is such an angel."

You see Kuroo's silent agreement in the nod of his head.

Bokuto makes a questioning sound, then flicks the ring, giving it a gentle pull. "It was super annoying at first, but I kinda like it now." He toys with it a little more and looks over to you and Kuroo. "You guys think, it's pretty cool?"

"That is fucking _illegal_."

You and Kuroo pull your gazes away from your guest, eyeing each other suspiciously having spoken in tandem.

"Jinx!"

You let your head crash back down onto Kuroo's lap in everlasting exasperation as he stabs an accusing finger in the direction of your _intruder_.

"You can't do the jinx if you weren't one of the people who said the thing you dumb hot bastard put a fucking shirt on so I don't have to see your gross fucking sexy body while I've got a fucking boner and get it even harder you damn shitty pigeon!"

Lazily, because why even at this point, you flop your head to the side without bothering to pick it up from Kuroo's lap. "Don't confuse him," you drawl, despite knowing its already too late and suspecting he's been that way from birth. Since you're already wasting words as it is, "and you know he doesn't like it when you say bad words."

Kuroo ignores you but for an exasperated glance down, and his eyes are back on Bokuto. "What are you doing anyway, ah? What kind of idiot just wanders into a room half naked and pops a squat right next to his bro while he's trying to get a blowie? What-who does that?"

With a sigh, you attempt to move on from this pointless line of questioning. "Kuro-kun? I can't feel my hands. Also, I'd like it if we could reduce the amount of times _blowie_ is being said." In case he wanted an actual answer, "Also-also, _he_ , obviously, is that kind of idiot."

He makes no move to free your hands from their under thigh prison, because the depth of his need to annoy you is limitless, but Kuroo starts pointing accusingly at Bokuto and gesturing at... himself.

"Great, you hear this? She can't feel her hands, and _more_ tragically, I'm no longer getting a blowie. You did this."

"Did what? You mean your boner bro?"

"What? No I-actually? I mean right _this_ second? Kinda, yeah. Ah, you're lookin' hot as usual bro."

Your eyes orbit the entire solar system when Kuroo wiggles his eyebrows at Bokuto.

"Thanks bro. You're such a good bro."

"Wait, shut up. Dammit, that's not what this is about."

It's a bit cute, how Kuroo tries to act like he doesn't want an audience right now, and _Bokuto_ of all people, because it isn't like you and him haven't talked about this _literal specifically exact_ fucking situation.

 _Yeah_ , the perversion level you and Kuroo can reach when your hentai powers combine, is well over 9000.

 _Yeah yeah_ , these two would tease you relentlessly if they found out you just thought that, but fuck 'em. Satori would like it.

You're on the verge of chuckling to yourself when Bokuto drops a live grenade in the room with no warning.

"Hey hey. Eh... you know bro, if you wanted to just like, _keep_ getting a blowie..."

"...Bo?"

"I just mean, I know I'd _super_ want to keep getting a blowie from Kirei-chan if _I_ was the one getting a blowie from Kirei-chan..."

"...Bokubro."

"Kurobro. I wouldn't even blame you at _all_ if you just didn't even wanna stop getting a blowie right now..."

"Bro."  
" _Bro_."

Unsure, and quite frankly fearful, of how long this could continue, you interrupt. "What the fuck is happening?"

They engage in another silent, eyebrow-wiggling round of bro-ing that is as ridiculous as it is expected before coming to some sort of bro-based agreement.

Without speaking or breaking his weirdly intense eye contact with Bokuto, Kuroo slowly starts angling your mouth back towards him, as though you wouldn't notice if he didn't look directly at you.

You resist the push, eyes narrowed. "So..."

" _Shh_... don't ruin it."

Kuroo yelps like a girl when you pinch his thigh.

"Is this what we're doing now?" Batting Kuroo's hands away from your head, you sit up to look at Bokuto. "Sorry I'm not completely fluent in bro, but I guess you wanna stay and watch me make Kuro-kun beg me to let him come or something, Bo-kun?"

You put it as lightly as you could... and yet for some reason, if you hadn't been looking at him, you would have sworn Bokuto got sucker-punched in the gut based on the sound that comes out of his mouth.

"Holy shit!" Kuroo nudges you backwards with a little shove. "Be gentle you fucking monster. Bokubro is a, delicate flower."

Kuroo leans in to you, grinning as he cups your face, and you converse through nothing but your eyes.

 _You want to do this?  
_ _You're fucking right I wanna do this.  
Vanilla. You got it?  
_ _Fiiine. Let's do this._

Before pulling away he adds, out loud this time, "Its _you_ that's going to be begging, Ero-chan."

Kuroo earns himself a sneer while Bokuto sits clutching at his bare chest, muttering something like _most lewd thing I've ever heard in my life_ under his breath with his big eyes bugged out.

"Hey ah, Kirei-chan?" Kuroo scratches the non-existent hairs on his chin. "If you could choose between sucking _my_ dick, and sucking B-"

"Bo-kun."  
"Yey-"  
"Don't answer so quickly!?"

"Alright, if _you_ could choose between sucking Bo-kun's dick, and _not_ sucking Bo-kun's dick, which would you choose, Kuro-kun?"

"The one where I do suck the dick, obviously. I mean, look at him."

"Yeah I know, I have _eyes_. Come on, was that really a question? Sure, he may be an even bigger idiot than y-"

"Hey!"

"-but he's also, objectively hotter?"

"OBjeh!? _Objectively_?" Kuroo sputters indignantly. "Fuck, _ob_ jectively? Don't you think that's taking it a bit fucking far? Not only am I _clearly_ taller than him, just look at his fucking face! It's, stupid." He argues, unconvincingly.

You glance over at Bokuto for a brief moment to confirm that yeah alright, his face is pretty stupid, but it's mostly the _I have zero understanding of what's going on right now and possibly at any other time either_ expression he's wearing, rather than anything genetic. Probably.

"Hmmm... I don't know Kuro-kun. Have you seen him from behind?"

Hilariously, you feel Kuroo's dick twitch as soon as you say it. You grip him with a victorious grin that says _oh I noticed_ , and also, _yes you fucking will be getting a hard time for it later_.

He watches you stroke up his length with a scornful look on his face. "Yeah yeah yeah, I've seen it. Seen him," he stutters. "Seen, you know, that one shirt he's go- _ahh_ , with the... the uh-"

Kuroo rambles, and you realize _someone_ is going to have to get this started.

He whines when you spit into your hand and drag it over him with a tight grip. "'Course. You mean that offensively tight grey one with the little guy on it?"

"Ah yeah, _mn_ , that one."

There is a chance you and Kuroo may have mentioned sharing a certain degree of physical attraction to your friend on occasion.

Out loud.

Where everyone can hear you.

Also on purpose.

It's mostly to rile him up, but Bokuto sometimes gets all cute and squishy and pink when he's embarrassed too, and you and Kuroo are well known to _maybe_ be just a little bit sadistic.

As long as you're being honest, perhaps you and Kuroo have also mentioned thinking someone watching you fool around would be super, super fucking awesome once or thrice, but no one is counting, and all that really matters is that there's no _fucking_ way either of you are passing this opportunity up.

"What, is happening right now?"

Bokuto's voice startles you both out of your reverie, but Kuroo is the one who gets eight hundred and seventy three (exactly) times more stupid when he's horny.

Another effect of whatever that brain disease he has is, most likely.

"Dammit Bo you big beautiful bastard, are you going to help me or what? We don't have all night, and I've had to _fuck_ ing come for the past twenty fucking minutes, so either fucking get _over_ here or get _out_ of here, and you damn well better do it quick."

Your hand lazily continues stroking Kuroo, his breath catching from the exertion of having to form words, while the both of you watch Bokuto questioningly.

_"Help?"_

You and Kuroo nod, and Bokuto, _disgustingly_ adorably, looks away. He rubs his knees together, looking like some kind of less-but-also-somehow-more fucked up lolicon fantasy. Instead of a disturbingly young girl, he's just a thick as hell, fully grown dumbass.

 _"Guuuys!"_ He chastises, probably for the same reason he always does when he's using that voice.

Too much dick-suck talk and cursing.

Neither of you respond, but if you had it would have only been with a bored, _well?_

It isn't that you and Kuroo just _randomly_ decided to stop paying attention when Bokuto tries to get you in trouble, you just never actually did in the first place.

He groans, and even in the dark, you are able to watch Bokuto's emotions flutter across his face as he tailspins, word-by-word in real-time.

"Oh, _ooh_. Ahh, poop. So see, now I'm nervous. Yeah uh, so... I thought you maybe would just ignore me and it could be like, live porn? Which would be super awesome because its you guys and its already pretty awesome even when it isn't live, but help? I mean, sure. I would definitely be the best at it and everything, but I don't know, what to do? I've never, oh crap. How, what do I do? _Wha_. You guys are, I mean this is... hot. I was just going to, you know, in the shower, but then I heard you and now I'm here and honestly I didn't even really think about it but, _ah_ , heh. I _am_ really hard right now though... wait. Have I even _been_ this hard before? I imagined this-I mean! Nnnevermind that. It's just, _waah_ this is too much. Wh-oh no! What if I came too fast? A very not cool Bokuto. _Uhg_ , I'm so hard though. I could probably like, break a come-speed world record right now. Is that a thing? Dang- _waaait_. Oh. My. God. I sound, so lame. Crap, I _AM_ so lame! I should-"

Your ass falls back on the floor as Kuroo throws his hands up, reaching over to pull a startled Bokuto out of his mumbling verbal diarrhea and roughly into the seat beside him.

"Ero-chan this is a fucking emergency situation. Bokubro is about to reach maximum-idiot. Get this man a blowie before his fucking brain explodes." Kuroo barely finishes his sentence before you're trying to kick him for saying it, but he doesn't even bother putting up a fight, and just sighs. "I don't have the fucking patience for any of this."

He puts his hands under your arms and drags you over to kneel between them. "Ero-chan," he says pointedly this time, hands flailing around Bokuto's chest making awkward gestures like a game show prize presenter.

The, _hellooo are you even seeing this,_ is incredibly easy to interpret.

You glance down at Kuroo, just as hard as you've ever seen him, and tilt your head as though you don't get what he wants, wondering how far you can push him.

Not incredibly far, apparently, as he turns almost immediately to Bokuto and starts shaking him by the shoulders like a mad man.

"Just _ask_ Bo! Let's make this happen, come on. It takes literally zero fucking effort to get your dick sucked, how are you making this so, ah, so fucking complicated? Do you have _any_ idea how desperate my fucking dick is? Are you going to let a bro suffer this way? I've listened to you whining for what feels like literally my entire life, and here it is my friend." Kuroo takes a breath before he resumes the shaking. "If you are the reason I need to wait another fucking _minute_ before my fucking dick gets touched I swear to fucking god its going to be _you_ I jerk off tonigh-" Bokuto's eyes widen. "Ah, fuck! I mean jerk off _to_. I mean! Fuck!"

"Sstop shhaking mme Kuurrbbro."  
"Sorry Bokubro. Ah, got carried away."  
"S'fine bro. I know you bro."

Kuroo grabs Bokuto's cheeks, squishing them together and staring into his eyes. "Good bro?"

Bokuto nods his head, and you don't bother thinking about why his sudden shyness is so endearing considering you're used to guys prone to bouts of inexplicable overconfidence... like Kuroo, for example.

You nudge closer to Bokuto.

His cheeks remain squashed between Kuroo's palms, but his pupils tilt down to look at you as you rest a hand on his knee; his eyes dart from the hand, and back to you.

"You know we don't give a shit, Bo-kun. Me and Kuro-kun think it'd be cool if you stay so if you want to, go ahead. Watch, help, or leave and we can forget you were here. Whatever you want, but don't be nervous or some dumb shit like that. We're not gonna fucking judge you, damn idiot. It's us." A sudden realization occurs to you. "I'm actually, genuinely fucking _shocked_ this is only happening now, to be honest."

 _So..._ your brain might be saying something that sounds a bit more like, _I am going to tie your dumb sexy ass to that chair and fuck you until you forget your own name_ , but he doesn't _really_ need to know that.

"What do you say, Bo-kun. You wanna have fun with us tonight, or what?"

This time Bokuto's head nods enthusiastically, and Kuroo frees his face from his hands to relax back against the couch, sighing in relief.

Kuroo grins, and you aren't sure what you find more annoying - the fact that he's about to say something either weird or gross, or that you can tell from the look on his face before he even opens his mouth.

"Fun? Did you know, I believe they actually call this a _devil's three way_ , Kirei-chan."

With your own sanity in mind, you choose to ignore him and turn to Bokuto instead. "So, do you want, one of us to touch you?"

His fists clench at his sides and his body tenses as he nods, eyes darting up to the ceiling like he's preparing to get stitches rather than jerked off.

After taking a moment to admire how the movement makes his chest and arms look, because you deserve it for not saying _what the fuck is wrong with you_ out loud, you decide on a different course of action.

"Just watch then. You can tell us if something happens you wanna do."

"Whua-I didn't say _no_."

Bokuto's eyes are glossy and locked onto yours, cheeks still pink from the heat of Kuroo's hands, and he looks so adorable you kind of really, _really_ want to puke.

You'll have to swallow it. "Yeah, well. Maybe think about using your words then, huh? You could just touch yourself too though, if you wan-"

Kuroo ruins the moment. Of course.

"Perv!" He screeches, clearly in need of attention. "Ero-chan, you damn voyeur. Trying to make a deposit to your spank bank? _Geez_."

Kuroo pushes his bangs back with his fingers, lifts you up onto his lap, and the energy in the room flip-flops again. Like flicking a light switch, you settle into his lap, run your fingers down his chest, and it's as though Bokuto never showed up in the first place.

"Ah, maybe we should just start back at square one, huh Kirei-chan? What do you say?" He whispers low, into your ear. _"You missed me, right?"_

"Shut the fuck up already, would you?"

Kuroo is already tearing the shirt from your shoulders when your lips crash together.

Impatient.

You scramble to pull his shirt over his head, and begin to sympathize with his ripping so many of yours by the time he finally lifts his arms. Your mouths separate only for long enough that the fabric can pass between you. As soon as it does it gets whipped across the room, and he only bemoans your treatment of it for a second.

You lift yourself out of his lap so he can push your skirt up to your waist. His long arms wrap all the way around, squeezing you tightly as he pulls you down hard to grind panty-clad lips along his dick.

It really shouldn't, but it comes as a slight shock to you when he starts talking while biting along your shoulders and neck.

"So wet already Kirei-chan. So desperate aren't you? You look so good like this you know. Acting _bad_ for me."

It's almost funny how difficult it is for him, growling out the filth through gritted teeth. Kuroo does like to talk, but he also likes to think his deviance is a secret, rather than practically tattooed on his forehead.

He shudders when you bite his earlobe, _"show off."_

Kuroo curses and you lean back, hands on his knees as he runs his up your back, unhooking your bra and letting it fall to the floor.

You and Kuroo are both startled when you hear what you _assume_ is a rusty old gate beginning to open directly beside you.

Your heads turn slowly to the side, and you quickly realize that the high-pitched persistent creaking noise, is actually coming from Bokuto.

And his knuckles are white with the pressure he's putting on himself through his shorts.

Kuroo earns your attention back when he runs the flat of his tongue from your belly button up between your breasts. Your eyes fall closed at the sensation of cool air along the wet trail he leaves behind, then you're being manhandled, body twisted by his hands on your waist.

"Go, get it over with. Just do what I did."

You're going to assume that by 'it', Kuroo meant 'the first touch' because you're much too busy to strangle him.

Your eyes open just in time to see the top of Bokuto's head as he moves to drift his mouth up your body, following the wet path laid out by Kuroo's tongue.

It shocks you, the difference in sensation.

Bokuto is slow, tentative and almost delicate with his mouth. His lips press softly against your skin. Unlike Kuroo, with his teeth and tongue and filthy words.

The newness of Bokuto's touch combines with how Kuroo seems to be so in control, the way his eyes are dark with need as he watches both of you, and the dreadfully fucking erotic sight of it all, leaves you damn near _sobbing_ with want.

He finishes the motion with his tongue pressed between your cleavage, and you look down just as Bokuto's eyes pop open to peek up at you.

You smirk, and Bokuto huffs out a hot breath that warms your skin before he leans back again. He crosses his arms and looks to the side, blush creeping slowly down his neck as he half whispers, " _like that noise_."

You thought Bokuto only had three volumes, but this is a new one. You groan, and grind your hips into Kuroo's.

"See?" Kuroo grins. "You're a natural, Bo."

The corner of his lips perk up ever so slightly, and _fucking obviously they do_ because you could convince Bokuto to _eat_ a fucking newspaper if you told him he would be good at it.

Kuroo's fingers glide down your bare back and he looks at you with a grin on his face, maintains this sly, half-lidded eye contact as he wraps his lips around a nipple, sucks gently, then lets it pop out of his mouth to lick circles around it.

You roll your hips in his lap and take him in your hand, stroking slow and tight in time with your movement.

He bucks back against you, groaning.

When his knee gets bumped, you and Kuroo look questioningly at each other and then to Bokuto, who has pulled a leg up onto the couch to face this impromptu show you're putting on.

It's a bit goddamn distracting, because he makes these mumbling, frustrated noises that _are really just doing things to you, alright?_

He looks so needy with his head tilted like that, mouth hanging open as he palms himself roughly through his shorts, and the sight pulls a desperate sound from Kuroo's lips even before yours escapes.

Bokuto's eyebrows perk up when you make to turn to him, but Kuroo's grip tightens and he holds you in place.

"Ah, he can ask if he wants something," Kuroo says roughly as he moves a hand to massage your breast, thumb slipping over a nipple and sucking the other back into his mouth, breath hot as his words are over the wet skin. He doesn't take his eyes off of you when he darkly adds, "isn't that right Bo?"

Bokuto _hmph_ s, but doesn't say anything.

Of course you want Bokuto now, to give and take from him whatever he wants or is willing, but just this once, Kuroo might be right.

When Bokuto wants something badly enough, he either gets over his nerves and asks, or he just blurts it out without thinking and then gets all shy after.

Really, you're fine with either.

Kuroo's lips and tongue and fingers are putting you in a daze, too gentle and too teasing, and he's leaving you desperate, trying to grind harder into him.

You're panting and _ahh_ -ing and the only thing you know anymore is that you need "more, Kuro-kun."

He puffs up with this twisted, big-brotherly pride when Bokuto makes a noise that sounds a lot like awe.

Kuroo probably thinks something cocky and a bit filthy, like, _I can teach you how to make her make those sounds_ , with a stupid _young Padawan,_ or something equally as lame at the end.

You're raking in gifts from the universe tonight, because Kuroo doesn't actually say it (and nevermind that he didn't _need_ to because apparently these things can be implanted directly into your fucking _brain_ now), instead letting his hands fall to your waist and leaning back lazily, putting you on display between them.

His other hand snakes down between you, brushing against your clit over the darkened spot where wet has been leaking through your underwear. Your breath hitches and you cry out when Kuroo slides one long finger down the length of your slit through the fabric.

_"Ahhn, ya..."_

Surprisingly, Bokuto makes the pleasured sound, and you turn to see that his hand has made its way to the _inside_ of his pants now.

He's either making himself feel good, or approves of what Kuroo is doing to you, but it's difficult to say which is more accurate considering the shameless way his hand is moving, and how his eyes are burning holes into the spot where Kuroo's fingers rub you.

With your eyes trained on Bokuto's flush and the way his arms flex as he strokes himself, you voice your need to the man below you. "Kuro-kun, come _on_."

You bite, grind your hips in his lap, trying to force more from him as you let go of his cock so you can press yourself closer to him.

He puts a hand beneath your chin, pulling your face away from Bokuto and back to him. "Am I a fucking scratching post? You should use manners when we have a guest _Ero-chan_ , don't you think?"

You just barely have the wherewithal to not let him get away with saying filthy things like that. "I could _make_ you into a scratching post, but that might be a little _much_ for our guest, don't _you_ think?"

You curse silently to yourself for lacking consideration; you may have just traumatized poor Bokuto for life.

Kuroo covers for you, kind of. "Don't mind her Bo. She can be so fucking _needy_." He teases, dragging out the sound, purring it against your chest with his thumb persistently torturing you at that same slow pace.

He chokes on the taunt when Bokuto says, in a quite frankly _shockingly_ accusatory tone, "well, are you gonna give it to her then, or what?"

Riled by the sharp, startled laugh you cough out, Kuroo whips his head around to face him. "Oh! Are you _bored_ Bo? _Hah_ , backseat driver?"

Just like that, he's gone stupid again, flailing his limbs and tossing you off the couch only to pick you up beneath the arms and hold you out like a stray cat. He lets go, dropping you directly into Bokuto's lap from a meter in the air with zero warning, earning an _oof_ from Bokuto when you land.

Its you that Kuroo shakes this time.

"There." Kuroo puts his hands on your shoulders, nudging you closer and aiming your tits like they might shoot out anti-Bokuto artillery at any moment. "You're not _shy_ , are you Bo? Just _give_ it to her."

Bokuto looks like he might spontaneously combust at any second and all you can think to do is squish his cheeks together and try to steal the focus away from how obviously overwhelmed he suddenly is.

"Hey."

The death grip he weaved through his hair releases, and his hands begin to drop back down slowly as he relaxes into staring back at you.

"Hey."

Bokuto replies quietly, and it eases your concern. Behind you, Kuroo rests his head on your shoulder.

"He-ybbfllgt!"

You muzzle him with your hand and push him back, not taking your eyes off of Bokuto. He smiles when Kuroo plops down beside him and collapses into his shoulder, nuzzling into his side like an overgrown puppy sucking up because he knows he's been bad.

"Is this normal?" Bokuto asks once the powers that be decide this calm, contented time between the three of you is too _weird_ to go on any longer.

"Is what normal," you and Kuroo ask at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok well this was a thing please dont forget to kudo or commento because if you dont i will run out of essence and no longer be able to power the dark crystal


	3. What the Hell is Akaashi Teaching Bokuto?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daaamn Bokuto.  
> What is that thing?

**EVENTUALLY PART THREE:  
** **What the Hell is Akaashi Teaching Bokuto?**

"Is this normal?" Bokuto asks once the powers that be decide this calm, contented time between the three of you is too _weird_ to go on any longer.

"Is what normal," you and Kuroo ask at the same time.

"Doing this is fun right? I mean, I obviously knew it would be fun, everyone knows that."

Neither you nor Kuroo have a clue where this particular trademark Bokuto-ramble might be headed.

So that, at least, is certainly normal.

"I mean, I jerk off _all_ the time right? 'Cuz it's fun, so duh, this would be better." He smacks his forehead. "Eheh, I mean, not _all_ the time. Not like a weird amount, I don't think? Uh, I just mean I didn't really think it would be fun like, _normal_ fun."

He seems to think you are confused, but in actuality you've just been nearly knocked the fuck out by hundreds of images of Bokuto getting himself off in various different positions and locations across the globe being downloaded directly into your mind.

"I didn't think it'd be exactly like porn or anything like that! Akaashi was all, _be aware of forming unrealistic expectations Bokuto-san,_ and I'm not going to even lie, I was kind of bummed because they make it seem pretty awesome in thos-er, anyway! I get it. 'Cuz of you guys."

You have to cover your face and look away from him for a moment to gather yourself, because _Akaashi-san is telling Bokuto things like that_? You're not sure whether you're closer to bursting out laughing at the blank-faced, completely out of nowhere, _spot-on_ impression, or wrapping your arms around his waist so tightly he gets cut in half. "Pffw-what do you mean, Bo-kun?"

Bokuto's lips scrunch up, and you recognize this as his thinking-super-hard face. "Well... you're always beating Kuro up and calling him a loser right? Except, he's got a boner now? I was like, what if I do it wrong or I'm super lame, but I guess... maybe _sometimes_ I kind of already always do stuff like that." He defends himself from his own self-awareness, adding, "by accident!"

No mere mortal could possibly be expected to survive how adorable Bokuto can be.

_Is this his Limit Break?!_

Kuroo must have a similar look on his face to yours, because Bokuto uses his _you guys are in trouble_ voice again. "And you two _obviously_ already know that, since you literally never stop bullying me about it!"

"Sorry bro. It's important for your development."

You tug Kuroo's hair roughly, because you're tired of reminding him with words that _he is not your fucking, fuck-boi trainee_ , and gesture for Bokuto to continue.

Bokuto watches the altercation and grins. "See? You guys are both in love with me anyway, even if I do _sometimes butalmostnever_ do lame things, and I love you guys, even though you're both huge, lame nerds."

He's quick, the bastard, and manages to dodge when Kuroo makes to grab his foot.

"I'm just saying! If we do this, it'll just be hanging out like normal, only we get to get off too. So bonus, right?"

You find yourself torn. Corrupt Bokuto so severely he forgets what the word pure means, or duct tape him inside a cardboard box and ship it to Innocence Island where no hands can ever taint him?

Kuroo ruins things like he is aiming for a running gag.

"Get off? If I'm lucky. Right now it isn't even a little bit fun, do you see how hard I am? Fuck, this is just pain."

"Ignore him, Bo-kun. He's a garbage person. You c-"

"Ah, actually? I'm also... ere-"

Kuroo saves you, maybe to make up for being completely insufferable at all other times of every other day of his entire existence, by covering Bokuto's mouth with his hand. "Fuck Bokubro, just say hard. For the love of all things good and right in this world do not kill my boner by saying _erect_ right now." He sighs. " _Fuck_. I did it."

"Right, yeah." Bokuto looks down as though Kuroo just booped him on the nose and said _bad_ , but he thwarts his own inner turmoil, raising his head with a stern look to showcase his apparently steeled nerves. "I'm also, crazy hard right now."

It's definitely not the _alright I've got this_ speech you were expecting, but you'll take it.

"You guys... look so good right now. So of course I am! Seriously... it's crazy. It would be dumb and, not even make _sense_ to not be hard right now... and the way you're... sitting on me... uh..."

Bokuto suddenly reminds you of Homer Simpson getting distracted by a donut, and the image in your mind has you holding back an outburst of gross, cackling laughter.

"Uh so, Kichan? I wanna do, uh, move or maybe like... _touchyouorsomething_ I don't know! I just, I'm really, r _eee_ ally-" He doesn't seem to notice himself gripping your hips to settle you in a more comfortable position on top of him, thinking too hard to feel nervous.

Kuroo's hand absently returns to brushing across your body, making use of his long limbs from where he is sprawled out beside Bokuto. " _Yeep,_ pretty much summed it up perfectly." He adjusts himself, throwing an arm around Bokuto's shoulder. "Just like regular hanging out, but with an orgasm." He wiggles his eyebrows, peering through messier, _somehow_ , than usual hair. "More than one, if you're good."

You give Kuroo a chop to the top of his head for looking too much like a sexual predator.

"Bo-kun? I get what you're saying, but like, our whole... situation, isn't what most people would probably call normal, you know?"

"Ki-chan. We both know no one ever calls us that."

"Dummy! I just mean, because we're friends? Not to mention there's like as many ways to fuck as there are people in the world. More honestly. Like _waay_ mor-"

A hilariously dreadful look creeps across Bokuto's face.

"How the heck are you supposed to get good then?!"

"Now that's the kind of outrageous confidence I love to hear from my bros."

At Kuroo's words, Bokuto returns to a fairly standard look of vague confusion.

"Bo, were you planning on fucking every fucking person on the fucking planet?"

"Huh? N-no way!"

"So, you've only got to be lame the first time, right? Then you can just keep practicing on the same person-oh, or _people_ , until you're really good at making them make awesome noises." Kuroo gives you an annoying look, and is annoying. "You know, its the best doing that."

"I guess so," Bokuto mumbles like its one word.

"Look, I made it sound wrong. Just do what feels good Bo-kun. It's not like it's hard, I mean, even _he_ can do it pretty good. Plus you're all strong and sweet and stuff, so you're definitely not gonna be lame. Just don't expect everyone to be the same as us and go aroun-"

"True... I _am_ super strong... I'll be way better at doing it than Kuro! As if he could beat me in anything."

Kuroo, expectedly, balks. "Seriously, _this_ is what you're getting out of this? What the fuck bro?"

Bokuto ignores him and locks eyes with you, filled with a fiery determination. "I'm gonna make you make the _best_ noises, Kichan."

He nearly gets a chop of his own for sounding too much like Kuroo, but catches your hand in his before the attack can land.

"Hey! Come on, what am I supposed to do when you're like _this_ , and he's like," Bokuto's eyes widen, eyebrows shifting, and he tilts his head toward Kuroo. _"That?"_

"Ah you're too cute, Bo. Couldn't help myself."

_"See?"_

It's a fair enough argument considering you _are_ sitting in his lap with your skirt hiked up, panties exposed, and tits in his face.

Upon further inspection, you see that Kuroo has also abandoned your sad attempt at a healthy-sex-life talk and is just shamelessly jerking himself off with his hand on your chest and his eyes on Bokuto's, biting his lip with a twisted smirk on his face.

You slouch, bringing a palm to slap against your head and sigh.

Bokuto's eyes are darting suspiciously between you and Kuroo, and you can tell he's ready to move or do _something_ with the hands that are currently white-knuckled and fisted at his sides, but you're still reeling from the broken washing machine spin cycle that is Bokuto's thought process, and trying to convince yourself you can't get sent to prison for the filthy things going on in your head right now.

Luckily for the three of you, Kuroo makes an executive decision that all systems are a go, and puts a swift end to the conversation by grabbing you by the back of the head and forcing you down to swallow his cock.

Some might say it's a bit ham-fisted, but if you kept talking in circles, nothing would ever get done.

You're bent over a bit awkwardly, straddling Bokuto with your head in Kuroo's lap, but the absolutely fucking _angelic_ chorus of masculine pleasured sounds overwrites every other thought you had, possibly ever.

They talk while you busy yourself with swallowing Kuroo.

"Didn't you want to, _ah_ , touch her? You sh- _shit,_ sure talk big when it's just us. You pussy- _fuuck-_ ing out now?"

 _It's a risky move to taunt him_ , you think, bobbing your head in Kuroo's lap and making a game of forcing him to stutter between words. You don't get to share the advice, because Kuroo catches on to your little game, and decides it's your throat that should be punished for it.

Bokuto wiggles his fingers, looking to Kuroo with an almost crazed expression that seems to say _what now,_ or perhaps, _help_.

You hear Kuroo sigh and you're being jostled around, _again._ He's grabbed Bokuto's wrist and whacked it down, giving you a sudden, hard smack directly to the ass. You make a startled noise around Kuroo, moaning when you feel two rough hands grabbing at you like they're trying to figure out just how big a handful of your ass cheeks they can hold onto at one time.

"There you go Bo. Just fuckin', _ahh_ , grab her. Whatever feels good bro, she'll tell you if she doesn't like it." Kuroo breaks to moan. "She'll tell you know if she _does_ like it too, won't you, Ero-chan?"

You hum an agreement, and some kind of rhythm finally starts to form between the three of you.

You grind yourself against Bokuto's thigh as he tests the feeling of your skin with freely wandering hands, drool over Kuroo as filthy little praises fall out of his mouth to both of you, and you allow your brain to shut down, focusing on nothing but the feeling.

Desperate to soak up as many of Kuroo's deep groans and Bokuto's sputtering, alien-like noises as possible, and you're adding in more than enough gasps and needy sounds of your own.

Bokuto presses to meet your own movements now, and the natural rhythm he seems to have spurs you on, rolling your hips to elicit more of his beautifully careless sounds. Maybe it's because you seem a bit distracted, but his hands slide and grab at your thighs and waist and ass ( _mostly ass,_ so that's a thing) more confidently now, if not bordering on rough from time to time.

You wish you could see him.

Kuroo's fingers are wrapped up in your hair as you moan with him buried in your throat, and you know he's long past the point of cocky dirty talk because he sounds utterly fucking _ruined_.

The lucky bastard probably hasn't taken his eyes off Bokuto since this started.

Before long, Kuroo is pushing your head away.

"S-stop, stop. I'm gonna, come."

Bokuto gasps.

"Not yet, tch." Kuroo puts a hand under your chin and tilts your face up towards his. "I want to see you fuck him." He looks dizzy, surprised by his own thoughts. "I, want to see him fuck you too actually. Hm. Also I want to fuck you both myself?" He brings the back of his hand to his forehead, confused expression on his face. "Shit, this is wild. Am I dead? Is this happening? I should be like, recording. Where's my phon-"

Biting his inner thigh snaps Kuroo out of it. "You are _not_ recording this. Also, if you were dead this wouldn't be happening, because you're going to hell for being such an annoying, degenerate ass all the time."

You sit back on Bokuto's lap, stretching out your neck and back, cracking them as you take in the flush over his chest and the hazy look in his eyes. From this new position, you can _really_ feel how hard he is.

Whoop. You may have been torturing him.

Something must be done to save this precious creature.

"Bo-kun, do you wa-"  
"Yes."  
"I mean do you want me t-"  
"Yes."  
"You're sure ab-"  
"Ye-"  
"Can I finish my _fuc_ -"

"He said yes goddamn it Ero-chan. What the fuck do you want? A permission slip from his parents?"

Well that would just be weird, but maybe... _Akaashi?_

"If you don't hurry up and fuck this man, my sweet, darling Bro-kuto, I will straight up fucking fight you right now. Either that or fuck him myself, _hueh_."

"For the ten gazillionth time Kurobro, _you_ are not fucking me. This booty is sacred ground bro, and you know, you've _kiii_ nda got a reputation..."

"Yeah yeah yeah hard-earned, I got it." Kuroo huffs, grinning as he adjusts himself. "Doesn't really seem very _fair_ to me in that case, but you do want Kirei-chan to fuck you, right? Good bro?"

Bokuto looks into your eyes like he's worried you might be offended if he says yes, and he looks so fucking good it is physically painful.

You aren't sure what you want to do more - kiss him, or make him cry.

 _Definitely cry_.

Maybe just a little?

_You're spending way too much time with Kuro..._

"Alright, I'll help." Kuroo stands, lifting you like a ragdoll for what feels like the hundredth time tonight. "Now, if you wouldn't mind taking your pants off for me, Bokuto-san?" He snorts out a deviant giggle. "Ah, I've been holding that in for _so_ long."

He still looks a little hesitant, so you try to seem as comforting as you possibly can while dangling awkwardly in Kuroo's arms like a caught frog. "I- you know I want you too, Bo-kun, if you w-"

...and he's completely undressed.

Aside from his socks, which you don't fail to notice are pulled halfway up his calves unevenly as your eyes drink in every inch of newly exposed skin. Bokuto is back in his previous position, sans pants, in the blink of an eye.

Kuroo nearly drops you when you inhale deeply and let out an astonished gasp, but luckily you somehow have the wherewithal to lock your arms around his neck and pull your legs up before he can, squeezing tighter to his chest as he peeks over your shoulder.

Yours was the gasp, but Kuroo's initial reaction is, "I fucking _hate_ you Bokuto."

"Is that... real," you wonder aloud, unable to draw your eyes away. "You see it too, right Kuro-kun?"

As dumbfounded by the sight as you are, Kuroo's mouth seems to have gone dry. "Ah, yeah. Honestly though, I don't know. How does something like that even work?"

"I'm kind of scared now," you admit.

"You should be. I mean, _what_?"

It isn't an actual question, but what else is there to say?

"Bokuto-san. You're..." Words simply aren't there, and _Bo-kun_ just doesn't feel right anymore.

"What the fuck did your parents feed you man?"

You aren't a scientist or anything, but are fairly certain there is no diet that could produce this kind of result.

Therefore, it must be something more like, "did you save a village in a previous life?"

"I can't decide if I'm jealous or horn-oh my god _look_."

You were already looking, how could you not be, but still. " _Whaa._ So cute."

He's gotten all fidgety and shy for some reason.

"Definitely horny."

Oh, right. You and Kuroo are just standing there, most likely drooling or foaming at the mouth like you've come down with a case of _fuck-rabies_ or something, talking about Bokuto like he's a creature in a zoo.

Hell, maybe he _should_ be.

"Guys, _stoooop iiit_."

Well that settles it then.

Bokuto whining with a deviously-smug smirk and pink cheeks, is officially your new kink.

Apparently, it's Kuroo's too. "Ah, wow. Wow I, _literally_ almost came just, wow."

Koutarou Bokuto, Fukurodani's dummy-thicc-dummy ace, has apparently been hiding one of the eight goddamn wonders of the world in his compression shorts for the past three years, and not one of you had a fucking clue.

 _Waait_... "Did fucking Akaashi-san know about this?"

Kuroo's mouth drops open. "That dick! Why wouldn't he tell us?"

The veritable cornucopia of reasons for why Akaashi may or may not have kept _this_ precious bit of information to himself should be more than obvious, considering the current situation.

You fight to drag your eyes back up to Bokuto's face in a poor attempt to offer the guy at least a _little_ bit more decency, seeing as how he's turned almost entirely red now and is attempting to use a hand to shield himself from the two thirstiest hoes on the planet as they blatantly objectify him.

It's just... his hand isn't quite big enough.

"You don't... think its bigger than Ushiwaka, do you?"

"Whoa."

Urban legends, and his blissfully well-fitted shorts, say Shira's captain is packing like a fuckin' _U-Haul_.

It is known.

Kuroo is still hung up on something. "Seriously. How did I not know about this until now?"

"Right? He should come with like, a warning label."

_Dangerous equipment?_ _Choking hazard?_

"Hah, like a shirt that just says like, _ask me about my offensively huge dick_."

"Pfft. We're making that."

"Hey!"

You two should really collect yourselves.

"Sorry Bo-kun! We just, you. I mean, it's. What? You're _so_... and who? Like?"

At least you tried.

Kuroo fairs slightly better. "Fucking _nice_ Bokubro. I would high five you, but I'm actually kind of afraid to get any closer to that." He looks to you for answers that you feel you've well demonstrated _not_ having. "I mean what even is that? Eigh- _nine_?"

"Tape... measure," you suggest.

It helps snap both of you out of your reverie and shock, perhaps a touch of envy-induced traumatic _stress_ in Kuroo's case, when Bokuto starts to vibrate, making this weird half-hiss, half-laugh noise, gets a familiar googly-eyed look on his face and raises his hands, breaking out into the early stages of an almost comically maniacal, Dracula-like laugh.

It's pretty standard as far as Bokuto shenanigans go, but it does make for a really fucking strange juxtaposition.

"That's me, Koutarou Bokuto! Ace of peni-"

"No!" You and Kuroo shout to stop him.

If Bokuto starts doing typical Bokuto things now, how the hell will you separate this from the outside world, where Bokuto is just the lovable neighborhood idiot, and things like _that_ are locked behind some kind of pay wall.

At least it brings you and Kuroo back down to Earth.

Closer to it, anyhow.

"You ruined it bro. Modesty my friend, it's a virtue."

Maybe Kuroo will find a way to convince himself he actually believes that if he tries hard enough, but not fucking likely.

Bokuto looks a bit dejected and pouts. "Awe."

"Awe! Kuro-kun look. You made him sad."

Kuroo, you and Bokuto have learned, cannot resist his motherly instincts.

It's incredibly easy getting him to participate in any of your varyingly terrible ideas or plans (climb that, eat those, jump from here to there, etcetera), and only one of you needs to make a sad face, but both is super effective. Bokuto once said it's like pressing Kuroo's _be nice_ button, and while apt, you thought of a few other things that would fit the same description, because you, are _absolute garbage_. It's also really funny that it works every time, so... you suppose this is a thing you quite like about Tetsurou Kuroo, actually.

"Don't go all emo," he groans, waving his hand as if it might wipe the look off Bokuto's face. "Kou Bo, ace of cock and all that. You're good you'll be great, you're gonna be way better than me, whatever."

_See? Every time. He can't help himself._

No one said it worked indefinetly.

"Are we doing this then? Kirei-chan is going... uh. Going to..." Kuroo seems realize something. "Now that I think about it, this is probably for the best." He looks at you, pointing his thumb toward Bokuto. "Imagine losing your virginity to _that_?"

Kuroo isn't talking strictly about the dick, but Bokuto as a whole entity, and yeah, you get what he means.

"Ero-chan, you're saving lives tonight. If anyone should be emo right now, its definitely you. Bo, I think you might actually split her in two."

This, fucking _obviously_ , terrifies the Bokuto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> canon bokuto is packing i mean its obvi but if you forget to comment or kudos then it becomes smaller


	4. It's Cool, but Have You Tried It With a Dick?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This must be what it means,  
> to be a bro.

**EVENTUALLY PART FOUR:  
** **It's Cool, but Have You Tried It With a Dick?**

"Bo, I think you might actually split her in two."

This, fucking _obviously_ , terrifies the Bokuto.

"Oh my god! Can that _happen_?! I don't-"

You pinch Kuroo's nipple as punishment, but ignore his squawk of pain for Bokuto's worried mumbling.

"Bo-kun. Kuro-kun is not only stupid, he also literally can't _not_ be a massive jerk. Remember how we don't listen to him? Ever?"

You try, really you do, not to imagine Bokuto having ears that react to his emotions like a puppy, but there they go, perking up as he looks at you.

"Ah, I'm excited, honestly. You're not going to hur-er, well. You're definitely not gonna _injure_ me."

"I admire you Ero-chan, really I do," Kuroo pipes in. "I also feel like we need a five-step plan to tackle this situation though."

You wiggle out of Kuroo's arms and stand on the floor, turning to face him. "It's a _dick_ not a fucking tsunami. Chill out." When you turn back around to Bokuto, _it_ catches your eye and has you rethinking. "Actually... you should go down on me or something first. I think that will hel-"

"What? Make him do it!" Kuroo manages to reach out a finger and point it at Bokuto for about half a second before he gets tossed onto the couch by his ear. "Ow!"

"You've been fucking my face for half the night you ungrateful bastard!"

Your heel is about to be smashed through his sternum when Bokuto says something that makes you hold off on the impending destruction of Kuroo's ribcage.

"I wanna do it."

Bokuto's eyes are practically twinkling and he seems so innocent... aside from the possibly _sentient_ being residing between his thighs and the fact that, as of tonight, you suspect he may be some kind of _porn_ connoisseur, that he might as well have a sign above his head that says _please, take good care of me_ with a little blushing happy face beside it.

You inhale through your teeth, clutching at your own heart with one hand and Kuroo's with the other. "Oh my god Kuro-kun... _Ilovehimpleaseletuskeephim_ forever."

"Are you kidding me? It's clearly defective. Which is why I'm returning it tomorrow morning."

Liar. He would probably just keep him for himself.

Bokuto has got his head tilted to one side, and he looks a little confused, which makes perfect sense, and he's smiling, probably because you guys are, but at the same time...

Kuroo isn't the only one whose face gives away his plans to say ridiculous things.

"Who are you gonna return me to Kuro? Don't you think 'Kashi would probably say something like, _there are no refunds without valid proof of purchase, Kuroo-san_ , or something like that?"

He looks between you and Kuroo with his mouth open in a grin, and if this was a manga you are one hundred and fifty percent certain there would be a little thought bubble beside his head saying _I'm funny! Yey!_

It's all just too much.

"Aweee, Bokkun!"

"Don't name it."

You flick Kuroo in the forehead and shove him over, because Bokuto looks like he might be about to start devolving into Furby noises, and you are legitimately concerned that if his ego gets any bigger, his head might actually explode. Plus, you're not particularly keen on the idea of ruining the progress you've made so far tonight.

Luckily, neither is Kuroo. "He said he wants to do it."

Kuroo leans back and rests an arm over the couch, slouching and smirking like he might be the cool young boss in a Yakuza game, rather than the Secretly-Kind-Jerk in a poorly written slice of life.

His hand lazily swipes over his cockhead, and Kuroo reminds the room that the trope he actually embodies is much closer to _Depraved Bisexual_.

"I'll be your sempai, _Bokkun_."

You wonder how it is that he manages to pull off looking even _more_ like a weird strip club owner than he normally does. "You're going to make a very convincing creepy old man someday, you know that Kuro-kun?"

Kuroo scoffs, maybe trying to turn the creep down a notch (but not, _you guessed it_ , fucking likely). He reaches for you, sets you on his lap with your legs splayed over his knees, and taps his foot on the floor in front of him. "Just hurry up and get over here, Bo."

Rather than standing like a normal person, Bokuto does this worm-ish slide down to the ground, then just sort of spin-rolls over on his knees.

Look, there simply aren't enough hours in a day to actually figure out _what the fuck_ every time he does something that makes you think it. Especially since _because Bokuto_ is about a good an answer as you're ever going to get anyhow.

You're sat on Kuroo's lap, facing away from him and wearing nothing but your underwear and your skirt, which probably shouldn't even really count since it's hiked up around your waist. Your legs are spread, dangling over his knees, and he wraps his arms under yours to hold your shoulders back, pulling you against his chest. You can feel him, pressing hot and hard along the small of your back.

You recognize at once two things:

Kuroo has laid you out on top of him like a human buffet, all for Bokuto.

And Bokuto happens to look very much like a starving man at the moment.

_Is this what it means, to be a bro?_

Bokuto sits on his heels between yours and Kuroo's legs, hands gripping his own thighs, making deep indents with his fingertips and trying not to touch himself.

That won't do.

"Seems like you maybe might wanna touch yourself there Bo-kun." Your grin is deviant, even you can't deny it. "You shoul-"

The red is already starting to spread across Bokuto's face before you can even finish the suggestion.

"Nah, don't." Kuroo's demand tears your attention away from the absolute _vision_ grumbling frustrated nonsense in front of you. "It'll be better if you don't bro, just try and hold off. Trust me."

Well, _that_ is interesting.

"You really are the depraved type, aren't you Kuro-kun?"

He only smirks, and spreads your legs a little bit further.

Bokuto is still just kneeling there, staring wide-eyed like the owl wearing a human suit he is. Your legs tense in anticipation when he raises his hands, but droop back onto Kuroo when he freezes with them hanging in the air, hovering over your thighs.

"Umm."

Kuroo swats his hands away with a sigh. "Just watch then."

From behind you, Kuroo reaches a hand around to slide his middle finger along your slit. He presses the thin fabric of your underwear between your lips, uses his thumb to tap against your clit. He teases you, slipping a finger underneath the damp material without pulling it to the side, soft, teasing caresses that make your toes curl and mind muddled.

They allow you to enjoy yourself in silence for a blissful few moments as you keen and writhe under Kuroo's touch, before opening their mouths again.

"She's... wet."  
"Hm? Ah, yeah. She is."  
"Guess you're pretty good at that, huh Kurobro."  
"That's what they tell me."

Another lull in conversation, and your sounds fill the room.

"Hey hey, Kichan?"

If you weren't busy losing yourself to fighting against Kuroo's teasing, you obviously would have elbowed him directly in the dick for that cocky bullshit he had been talking. As it stands, you can only mutter an inquisitive _hmm_ to signify you heard Bokuto.

"Is Kuro making you feel really good?"

Yep. That'll make your pussy throb.

You mewl in response.

It's really all you _can_ do with Kuroo still pushing long fingers between your lips, chaotically alternating between under and over your panties, not giving you what he damn well knows you want, tapping and rubbing your clit without the pressure you need.

You don't notice, having your eyes closed, that Bokuto has been watching Kuroo's hands intently.

"He's teasing you though, isn't he? You sound kinda... frustrated."

Kuroo chuckles out an evil laugh under his breath, but doesn't stop what he's doing despite your rough grinding against his hand and into his lap, and, _why yes Bokuto-san, frustrated is exactly the word I was looking for_.

"Kuro. I think you're being mean to Kichan."

"Oya? What are you gonna do about it, _Bo-kun_?"

When you feel Bokuto's hands grip your calves and slide up, over your knees and onto your thighs, and hear the sharp inhale he takes as he does it, you wonder what you ever did to deserve this.

You really aren't that good of a person.

"I-well. I'm gonna mmake her come. For _me_."

You really, _really_ are absolutely not that good of a person.

" _Fuck_ ," Kuroo breathes out, just as affected as you by the prospect, it seems. He pulls his hands away, over your stomach and up, trailing over your nipples as he takes a deep, shaky breath. "Bo. I want you to know, I have never in my _life_ meant it as literally as I do right now, when I say _I'd love to see you fucking try_."

Since your brain has ceased functioning, you don't know if Bokuto replies to Kuroo's weirdly erotic possible threat, because he nearly rips your underwear clean off when he yanks them to the side and _buries_ one thick finger inside you as deep as he can.

Which, you suppose, is certainly one way to tear off a band-aid.

Kuroo holds a hand over your mouth to try and muffle your scream, and he and Bokuto carry on as though you aren't naked and keening between their somehow even-more-naked selves. It's probably for the best, because your mind has recently traveled to a higher dimension, and their brain power combined just barely comprehends this one.

"Oh."  
"I know right."  
"Ohhh."  
"Imagine that, but your dick."  
_"Bro."  
_"I know."  
"Whoa bro."  
"I kno-"

Someday, you will run scientific tests to find out just how long these 'conversations' can go on between them, but that will not be today.

"B-Bo-kun..."

Bokuto finally looks up from his hand to your face, and you have to squint your eyes against the pain that comes from saying what you have to say to a face that looks like his.

"If you don't start moving your hand, I'm going to crush your skull with my foot."

It had to be done, but for some reason, rather than taking heed of your ominous threat, Bokuto just grins.

He has no idea how lucky he is that he is him and not Kuroo, because-

"She _will_ do it Bo. You should probably get on with it."

"Oh, right."

Bokuto slides his finger out of you so slowly, you feel _older_ by the time his fingertip is just barely touching you. When he starts to press back in at the same speed, you open your mouth to _hopefully gently_ coax him into being a bit less delicate, but he talks first.

Which, is fine really. Let's face it, you're you. You would have probably just threatened him again.

"Is this, good?"

He pulls his finger out again, smoother, but barely any faster.

"Kichan. Is this what you, wanted?"

Back in, and your mouth is hanging open, stunned silent with your eyes locked on his focused expression.

"Should I-"

He twists his finger around on the next pull out, likely aiming for a more comfortable hand position, but it makes your hips lift off of Kuroo's lap, and you cry out.

The torturous speed of it leaves you digging your fingernails into Kuroo's thighs.

"Bo. Fuck. Go faster. She's not made of glass, _fuck_ her with your fingers. You want to make her make that sound again?"

Good thing Kuroo spoke up for you, because you've got a strong suspicion whichever part of your brain it is that knows words, is currently in a state of nuclear meltdown.

"Fingers?" Bokuto swallows. "So I should... you mean more than one?"

Apparently, your language-center is still at least partially functioning. "Oooh, _fuuuuck_."

Whatever Kuroo says is drown out by the feral moan you release and hope sounds like _fuck yes, now, now, and also immediately_ , but Bokuto seems to understand either way, and that's what really matters right now.

"Hm. I'm gonna have to tell Akaashi this isn't actually that different from porn after all."

 _Actually no, you absolutely do not have to fucking tell Akaashi-san that ever_ , is what you _would_ have said, but when Bokuto pushes two thick fingers inside you on the next in-stroke, the only thing that comes out of your mouth is a cry so loud the possibility of no one hearing it lies somewhere on the line between absolute zero, and _are you fucking stupid._

Bokuto picks up his pace, still giving you long, full strokes with his fingers, twisting them around like a corkscrew as he pulls out. Kuroo holds you tightly by the hips, preventing you from fucking into Bokuto's hand the way you want to, but it doesn't stop you from trying to get just that little bit more, mumbling each time your struggle is fruitless.

"What uh, what are you doing there, Bo?"

You unscrew your eyelids, flicking your gaze to Bokuto.

He looks like he hasn't blinked for the past twenty-nine minutes, so focused on his fingers, alternating between biting his tongue and just letting it hang out of his open mouth. His shoulders and chest have the _audacity_ to flex and move beneath his skin each time they move in time with his arm-

 _Oh_ , that's what Kuroo was talking about.

Bokuto still doesn't blink, but his pupils flick to Kuroo, back to his hand, and then down at himself.

"Oh right. Whoops."

_Apparently he didn't realize?_

When people say Bokuto only has two brain cells to rub together (and they're being at least somewhat nice about it), they're most likely referring to his tendency to hyper-focus on one thing and completely lose sight of everything else. It's intense just _witnessing_ this thing Tendou has referred to as 'Ultra Instinct Boku' ever since he nearly played a no-blocker against him at the start of second year, and you imagine it's a big part of why Bokuto is so goddamn fucking good at volleyball, and so goddamn fucking shit at literally everything else, including remaining _alive_.

One time, back in first year, you followed a trail of freshly washed clothing down a hallway only to find Bokuto dragging a laundry bag behind him, muttering to himself. It was almost completely empty by the time you caught up, more clothes in your arms than the bag itself, and all he had to say was _whoops_ , and he was thinking about a practice match he had just finished playing. Akaashi saved his life no less than eighteen times last year alone by pulling him back before a vehicle could hit him, and you and Kuroo like to watch him walk into garbage cans, chairs, shelving units, other people, street signs, lampposts, and on one particularly enjoyable occasion, an actual living horse.

Hanging out with Bokuto is fun like that.

Knowing that getting you off is one of the things Bokuto will lose sight of anything and everything for, including getting _himself_ off, is the sort of thing you are going to be caught thinking about in the future with a creepy, self-satisfied smirk on your face.

Your thoughts are interrupted by Kuroo's inescapable obligation to being a complete homoerotic disaster at all times.

"Looks to me like you need something to keep that hand occupied, huh Bo?"

Bokuto pauses, and like a kid told they can't have dessert, you whine.

"I'm not jerking you off right now Kuro."  
"Pftt, I wasn't even-"  
" _Bro_."  
" _Fiiiine_."

Kuroo groans the same way he always does when Bokuto says that specific phrase, which happens to be often enough you're willing to bet if you checked their text messages, it will have been said in the past week at least twice. You think, not for the first time, that Bokuto might consider leaving out the _right now_ bit, but you've also never been totally sure that isn't exactly what he means to say.

You shake your head when you hear Kuroo mumbling, because you're already having a truly wonderful time being the jelly on this hot captain fuck sandwich, and you really don't want to push your luck by adding your fujoshi fantasies to the mix tonight.

Kuroo puts his hands under your ass and pushes himself further back against the couch before settling you back down, still full of two of Bokuto's frustratingly unmoving fingers. You can feel Kuroo's cock sticking up between your ass cheeks, feel his knuckles slip along the crack when he strokes himself, and he reaches a hand in front of your face.

"Spit."

Somewhat surprised that there is any moisture left in your body that hasn't yet been diverted directly to your pussy, you do as Kuroo asks.

Bokuto is either deeply offended or painfully aroused by this act, but you can't quite tell based on the sound he makes.

"Gross-wait. Hot?"

_OK, so both._

"Hey! Mind your damn business Bo, you've got a job to do. Don't be getting distracted at a time like this."

You are forced to wonder if there is a chance Bokuto _wants_ you all to be caught, because suddenly thrusting his fingers so hard and deep inside you as though he had just been plugged in, was obviously going to make you squeal loud enough to alert people currently sleeping in the neighboring town.

"Oya? So then that's how you like it, right Kichan?"

Your hair whips Kuroo in the face when you nod your head vigorously, kicking off a new rhythm and a new song of pleasured sounds.

Kuroo leans forward to suck and bite and lick across your shoulders and the back of your neck, deep hums sending shivering vibrations through your skin down your spine. Cock wet with your spit, he grinds it against your ass, using your body to stroke himself with a wet hand splayed over top to hold it in place.

Kuroo bucks into you each time you rock forward onto Bokuto's fingers, and speaking of Bokuto-

"B-Bokkun _nah_ , yo-your hand."  
"Hm?"  
"M-my leg-"  
"Hmm?"  
"Are you trying to crush my fucking kneecap or what?!"

It takes another second of agony for Bokuto to spot the vice grip of _death_ he has on your knee before he pulls his hand back like you're made of lava.

"Oh. My god! I'm s-so sorry. I-"  
"S'fine shut up. Er- don't shut up, just, don't stop."

The flow resumes.

The intent twisting and fucking of Bokuto's fingers, and the slight tickling sensation of Kuroo's giggles across your- _Wait_.

"Is something fucking funny to you?"

Kuroo responds with an amused hum and a whisper beside your ear. "He's at it again already."

When you look down, Bokuto's face is so close and staring so intently at his fingers fucking into you, he may as well get a magnifying glass and start calling himself Sherfuck Hoes. His whole body moves in time with his motions, sitting back on his feet with his knees spread, cock sticking up past his belly button while he strokes a tight fist over it.

It's fucking hot as hell watching him, but somehow also makes your heart feel like it's getting sucked into a black hole of _please kill me right fucking now its so pretty it hurts_.

"Feels good Bo?" Kuroo snorts, and _just how high does your asshole-level need to be_ in order to still sound patronizing at a time like this?

Bokuto doesn't even look up, only making a small noise of agreement to let Kuroo know he was heard.

"Touching yourself?"

Halfway through another _mhm_ , Bokuto glances up for the briefest of moments to say, "no I'm not," then gets back to work.

Kuroo, who again, is a bastard, lifts a foot and pushes Bokuto's wrist against his stomach with it, forcing a groan from him when the motion tightens his grip.

Bokuto whips his hand away from himself, releasing a frustrated growl. "Well damn! This is way too freaking impossible alright? I mean are you even seeing this? Bro! _Look_ at my fingers."

He pulls his fingers out of you and holds them in front of his face, scissoring them open and expecting you and Kuroo to be amazed, rather than horrifyingly embarrassed and aggravatingly amused, by the clear strings of wetness that web between them.

A frustrated groan leaves your lips as you get yanked away from the edge, yet-a-fucking-gain.

"You're still frustrated."

Great. Now you've upset Bokuto. Can you convince yourself this is all somehow Kuroo's fault?

"I suck so bad! Damn! I thought, but then-"

You can, and you will.

"Bokkun! You're good. Amazing. Wonderful even. The only problem is that you stopped for _fuck's_ sakes just _please_. Keep going."

"G-good? Amazing? Keep going? Right, sorr-"  
"And don't fucking say sorry either."  
"S-right."

You could not care less that open-mouthed _mmm_ s are falling from his lips as Bokuto instantly begins to jerk himself nearer to his own peak, because his fingers have found that empty place inside you yet again, and he matches his pace with both hands.

Your legs and toes curl, squeezing Kuroo's thighs between yours as your head falls back against his chest. He uses the opportunity to nip your ear and suck the skin just behind your earlobe, before tipping your entire fucking universe off it's axis.

"Ero- _chaan_ ," Kuroo whispers wickedly. "Shouldn't you be keeping your eyes open?" More licks and bites trail toward your other ear. "Bo-kun is trying so hard to make you come for him, and he looks so good there too, between our legs. _Mmn_ , I think it's a perfect spot for him, don't you?" A hand cups your breast, massages it before trailing from one nipple to the other with a barely there touch. "Fuck, just _look_ at him. You can't stop thinking about it now, can you? Getting fucked by him." His fingers trail upwards, along the side of your face before he tires of your mindless head-lolling and turns your chin towards Bokuto himself. "Hmm? Do you think he's thinking about fucking _Kichan_ too? Because _I_ bet he's imagining how that tight grip on his fingers would feel wrapped around his cock instead of his own hand." His moan in your ear is cut short by a bite to the back of your neck and the warm, wet feeling of his cock pressing against you. " _Ahn_ , you feel how hard I am, fuck, just _watching_ you two? I could come like this, you know." Its surprising that you can even hear him over the desperate mess rattling around in your brain and out of your mouth. "It's a good thing I'm such a nice guy, otherwise I'd be ripping you off his fingers so I could _punish_ you for looking this good."

Oh? Alright okay, yeah. Sure. No, yeah, of course. For sure, it's just that firstly,

_WHO even the FUCK_ _are you?!_

And also, "I'm- _mmmnn_ , come. Want to, _nnn_ -"

The high, struggling yes's and panting coming from Bokuto picks up along with yours. Your words only startle him for a moment, his fingers stuttering in their smooth pace briefly before his determination returns. He sets a new, more frantic pace, and if he actually does this on purpose to help push you over the edge then you're going to reconsider believing he is human, but he's probably just excited, which is somehow equally as endearing. So fine, Bokuto is not fucking human, but whatever he is, it's primary function might literally be making you come right now.

Not for the first time tonight, you are distracted by the feeling of Kuroo's Cheshire grin spreading across your skin.

You're dangling over the precipice by a thread, but Kuroo leans forward, speaks, lifts his arm and all of a sudden, you're just a dumb fucking kid again.

Succumbing to the spooky sadistic charms of a lanky emo vampire, falling for every last little bit of his bullshit, clawing and biting to crack him open and opening for him, mind and body, all while trying desperately but failing miserably, to not let just how completely, tragically _fond_ you were so easily tricked into becoming go to his big, stupid, sexy head.

"Bo? Stick your tongue out, would you?"

Kuroo takes his hand off his dick and reaches around you, threading his fingers into messy, black and bleached hair, then pulls down to introduce Bokuto's mouth to your clit.

You feel more than hear it, like an echo in your ear over surprised moans and muffled, whining sounds from Bokuto, and deep, breath-catching gasps and sobs from you.

Then, you take back every bad thing you have ever said about Tetsurou Kuroo.

_"Come on his face."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like the part where its like "Since your brain is no longer functioning," because I like, forgot i wrote it or something or wrote it really fast, and then when i read it over after finishing i was was like BFUWAHH! (literally that noise exactly)


	5. It's That Deviant Quick... Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not to be rude,  
> but this a very quick chapter.

**EVENTUALLY PART FIVE:  
** **It's That Deviant Quick... Attack**

Then, you take back every bad thing you have ever said about Tetsurou Kuroo.

_"Come on his face."_

...aaand then you spew at least half of it back out in a single breath when, after less than thirty, _sinfully_ glorious seconds of having Bokuto's face and fingers buried right where you needed them, hearing him eek out little desperate moans as he tentatively licks and sucks and tastes you, Kuroo wraps an arm around your waist and pulls it all away with an "ahh, wait," tossing you onto the couch beside him.

Bokuto is left kneeling in place, biting hard onto his bottom lip as he attempts to strangle his dick, possibly to death. He looks both hilarious _and_ evil, because he is Bokuto and the expression just doesn't match up with this place at this time and this amount of clothing, when he _glares_ at Kuroo through his eyelashes.

"Why." _So scary._ " _Why_ would you do this to me?"

"Bo, you know I love you." Kuroo doesn't seem overly bothered by the not-so-hidden threat, likely used to seeing the dark glow Bokuto's eyes can sometimes get during particularly intense moments from the opposite side of the court. "It's just, remember how about an hour-ish ago, you came in here, Bokuto-ed around for a little while, and now here we are?"

"Yeah. Obviously. What d-"

"Remember how, when you decided to open the door over there and then sit down in that chair, my dick was halfway down Kirei-chan's throat?"

_Ah. A revenge plot._

"You're killing me bro." Bokuto sighs, his shoulders and hands releasing just a little a bit of their tension. "You are cruel and weird Kuro. Cruel, and, weird."

_Bokuto... gets it?_

With equal amounts of surprise and _fuck it whatever_ , Kuroo groans. "Goddammit Bokuto it's cruel and un- you know what? Forget it. I'm petty, that's all there is to it bro. Sorry."

Kuroo has clearly forgotten to add _not sorry_ to the end of his sentence, but that is also _literally_ the least of your concerns right now.

If Kuroo wants to see Bokuto suffer, and chances are very high that he does considering he fucking always pulls this kind of shit, the kinky bastard, then you have to wonder, "so what the fuck did _I_ do then?"

"You didn't do a damn thing, Kirei-chan."

Kuroo turns to you with a look on his face so depraved you can actually _hear_ it. He grabs you by the arms and pulls you onto his lap, chest to chest now, then proceeds to remind both you and Bokuto that your precious, darling Kuro-kun, is very much _not_ , in fact, 'such a nice guy.'

You and Kuroo curl in on yourselves and each other when he pulls your panties to the side and _finally_ , finally slams you down onto his cock with a deep, desperate, drawn-out moan. An equivalent sound is wrenched from you as he grabs tightly onto your hips, chin resting on your shoulder, and you leave little half moon shaped marks up his arms with your fingernails.

He grips you just the right amount of too tight, hands leaving little bruises in the shape of his fingertips on your ass and hips as he lifts you by them, forcing you up and down, hitting you deep with each rough pull.

Your knees rest on either side of him, useless from the pleasure, and from Kuroo's control, but you still find the time to think you quite like it when Kuroo has an audience to impress.

He gets so talkative.

"So fucking wet, _fuck_. You really were close, weren't you Ero-chan?"

Few words take him a long time to say though, when each one is separated by a pleasured sound.

Kuroo fills your vision, little drops of sweat starting to form on his face, making the ends of his hair wet and stick to his temples. He kisses you and arches your back into him, pushing your chests together.

He moves a hand to the back of your neck, giving up just a little bit of that control, offering you some freedom to push yourself up and ride him, before he is rough and tight and pulling your body back down again, impatient as ever.

If Kuroo wants to take right now, you're more than happy to let him, but no one said you'd have to go quietly, and if they did you wouldn't have listened anyway.

"You shouldn't have done that, _ah shit_ , to Bokkun."  
"He'll be fine. You, _fuck mn_ , actually thought I'd let him get you off that easily?"

So that's what it is.

"I fucking, _hmnn_ , knew it."  
"Oya? _Feels fu, mmn, good_. Knew what?"

You two have an agreement, but hey. He asked.

"This is about the f- _so good_ -first time you finger-"  
"No! No it's not. _Yeah?_ We don't talk about that."

What a disaster it had been. He was clueless, clumsy, and couldn't find a rhythm. It was a complete travesty, and you can't believe you didn't consider how it would have affected Kuroo to see awkward, nervous Bokuto doing so much better than he had his first time.

A better woman than you might not have picked at this adorable wound.

"Ah, that Bokuto-san. He sure does have a lot of, _mmm_ , raw talent. Don't you think, _fuuc_ Kuro-kun?"

A better man than Kuroo might not have used his dick to punish you for it though.

Kuroo flips you onto your back, slamming himself inside you with an animalistic sound of frustration you are certain, if bottled, could be sold as a miracle cure for wrinkles, acne, and male pattern baldness.

He tosses one of your legs over his shoulder and wraps the other around his waist, cock buried inside you through the entire motion.

Your head bumps against the armrest each time he fucks into you.

"I wouldn't know how talented _he_ is, unfortunately, but did you really th- _fucking fuck_ , think I was going to let you come anywhere other than right here?"

Kuroo lets you know exactly where 'here' is with a deep, hard thrust.

"Le- _Kuro-kun fuck_ , let me? You shoved his face between my legs and told me to come on it. _Harder_ , I was only doing what you told me, _mmn_ , told me to."

He pulls your body further into him, closer, curling you up so he can fuck into you deeper while having the bonus side effect of you not getting a concussion from being repeatedly railed head-first into the armrest of the couch. He slides one of his hands around from your back to press down on your stomach, thumb reaching for your clit.

"I guess that's so, _harder?_ _Fuck_ , so rare I just didn't understand what was go- _ohh so good_ -ing on."

You are close again already, and Kuroo has dragged you back to the edge doing much more screaming than kicking (but also, a little bit of kicking).

It might have ended there, with just you and him again, and your moans in his mouth and your fingers tugging on his messy hair, and his pretty face and filthy words and perfect teeth dragging over your shoulders, and his expression that says _it hurts to feel this good_ each time he rolls his hips into yours.

Instead, your gaze catches on the indents left by his teeth in his bottom lip and it nearly topples you over your peak instantly. Before you can think to yourself _well now that's a bit odd_ , you are interrupted by Bokuto existing.

"Um- _mmn_. Guys I-I'm gonna, _whaa_ ere do I? _Ahsh_ -"

You must have an erotic guardian angel, because Kuroo doesn't stop fucking you, even when you look away from each other's faces to Bokuto, who has positioned himself as close to 'the action' as he can possibly get without actually touching either of you.

He's sitting on his feet, both hands toying with himself, one gently pulling and the other stroking, slow and tight.

His mouth was hanging open, and his jaw clenches shut along with his eyes when you look up at his face.

Kuroo, by some incredible force of will, finds his words first. "Bo, you-"

Bokuto's eyes peel open and he shakes his head. "No- _wahh_ , bro. Freaking just, no! I can't I- _mmn_. You guys look- _ahhan_ so- _aaah_ -"

Stupid guardian ero-angel is a god-damned dud, because now Kuroo _does_ stop.

"Should we..."

You really would love to have Kuroo fuck you through this orgasm while you watch Bokuto's face as he spills onto his own hand... but you also kind of really, _really_ would prefer he do it either onto, or into you instead.

Is anyone counting how many frustrated groans you breathe out tonight?

"Come on Ero-chan. We already know he can't be trusted to control himself."

How does Kuroo always get you to give in so easily?

" _Fiiiine_ ," and then, "I'll go left."

Bokuto shouts and his arms flail above his head when you and Kuroo suddenly pull away from each other and tackle him to the ground, each pinning an arm and a leg to the carpet, holding him until he is still and breathing slowly.

Once he calms down from the near-cardiac arrest, Bokuto gives up and sighs. "I think, I don't really like you guys very much anymore."

Kuroo pats Bokuto's cheek with the hand that isn't busy wrestling his arm to the carpet. "Kirei-chan hasn't even gotten to fuck you yet though! You'll be _fine_ bro. It's better this way."

"I really don't think it i- _augh_!"

Bokuto's left side raises up off the ground and nearly topples you over, but Kuroo manages to hold firm when you wrap your hand around his _good fucking god, this is actually kinda, heavy_.

"Are you _sure_ , Bokkun?" You hold on, fingers wrapped around the base of him, your hand just able to squeeze all the way around with a tight grip and _heavenly fuck_.

That is _hot_.

You and Kuroo each have one of Bokuto's legs tangled up with one of your own, holding his hips down and legs apart. Neither of you _planned_ to end up in this position - well, you can't be entirely sure about Kuroo, ever - but either way, what a pleasant turn of events.

Kuroo has his right hand vice-locked with Bokuto's, stretched above his head and straining to hold it to the ground. You have his left bicep crushed between your arm and ribs, trying to keep it from flapping about and hitting you in the face.

There is a perhaps a _sliiight_ chance this situation might seem... questionable to onlookers.

But not to anyone able to hear Bokuto's borderline-annoyed begging for "jus' _touch_ me already, _pleease_!"

Your eyes slide over Bokuto's face, scrunched up as he cranes his head back, shoulders lifting his neck off the floor. You glance over at Kuroo, his gaze dark and intense and flicking back and forth between Bokuto's face and your hand gripping him. Your eyes reach their end goal, seeing the way your fingertips meet around him, and how good he looks in your hand.

It tempts you, so without thinking you slide your hand, tight and slow, up Bokuto's full length to steal the perfect drips of wetness leaking from his tip. You use your fingers, make a mess of him rubbing it over his cockhead with your thumb and,

 _Whoops_.

When he comes, Bokuto is _loud_.

_"FFFFFFFFUUUCK!"_

Oh! And he also curses, which is fun.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck, yes, tighter, fuck. _Fuuuck_!"

Bokuto's ass lifts off the floor as he thrusts himself through your fist, fucking into your hand. When the first drop of his come lands on his chest, you abandon yours and Kuroo's ill-fated plan, jerking him through it in earnest, unwilling to tease or torture someone who looks so utterly and completely _freed_ by this.

Your eyes don't leave Bokuto's face, and you know without looking that Kuroo's don't either.

Although you both keep him restrained, Bokuto gains some kind of powered-up orgasm-strength, and has more mobility with which to writhe. He digs his heels into the floor and uses the leverage to push himself up into your grip.

The carpet saves _you_ from his clenched fingers, but there is a chance Kuroo's hand might be broken.

Drops of come splash across Bokuto's bare chest, painting a practical lesson in biological physics or _come_ -splatter analysis or something equally filthy you aren't sure is real but think perhaps should be, over his body. You use what falls and drips over your hand as lube to pull the rest from him, paying exactly no attention to what you're doing, utterly entranced by his ruined noises, breathless expression, and damp skin.

Neither you nor Kuroo have anything _close_ to the Karmic point value you think should be required for a chance to witness this, which might be concerning if you had time to think about what debt you might need to pay in return. You're both here though, so maybe karma got tricked into multiplying two negatives.

As Bokuto shudders through the end of it, still crying out little gasps and _fuck_ s as he struggles for more, the last of his come dripping from his tip over your fingers, you can't help but wonder-

_Is coming this much -normal- for him?!_

Bokuto is _done_. Totally collapsed on the ground having given up on anything resembling a fight, panting heavily to catch his breath and absolutely covered, nip to tip, in his own come.

_Seriously. Does he -always- come this much?!_

You are about to flat out ask just to sate your curiosity, but he opens his mouth first.

"I'm sorr-"

You're glad when Kuroo cuts Bokuto off, because it sounded like he was about to say something really fucking stupid.

"Bro. Bro, _bro_ , BRO. Bro!"

Kuroo shakes Bokuto's face with one hand under his chin, and his eyes open blearily like he just woke up from a coma.

"Wha, whu?"  
"BRO!"  
"Huuwhe?"  
"Broooo!"  
"WHAT?"  
 _"Bro."_

You're _this_ close to putting an end to the entire thing when Kuroo angles Bokuto's head down a bit, directing his gaze to his thigh.

"You, fuckin' _came_ on me bro."

The room is silent for what feels like the first time since Kuroo pulled you by the wrist into it, and sure enough, all three of you can see the single wet streak of come that veered off on its path to Bokuto's chest and ended up splashed across Kuroo's bare thigh.

Perhaps it is the way the moonlight seems to hit it like a spotlight, giving it a kind of sparkling quality, but the sight completely enthralls you.

Which is likely why it takes a few seconds for you to realize that Bokuto is making noise.

_Is-is he trying to go Super Saiyan?_

Bokuto wriggles free of the prison that is yours and Kuroo's hold on him with this crescendoing ' _rrrraAHh_ ' sound, tossing you both on your asses as he scrambles to his knees and starts viciously wiping at the come he's wearing with his hands, only to let out another agonized growl when he realizes he hasn't got a damn thing to clean them off with.

"No! _Wha_ -why?! That was so, so _lame_! I just-"

He squeals out a surprise and shuffles back a bit when you and Kuroo lunge for his arms, and you suppose it makes sense considering what just went down, but you had only the purest of intentions this time, really.

"Bokkun don't! Your hands-"

"Oh, crap! Uuw _aah_!"

He freezes about a centimeter away from accidentally using his own drying come as hair gel, and you guys just totally saved his ass, but Bokuto only seems _more_ frustrated.

Doubly so when Kuroo sprays you, Bokuto and half the furniture in the room with spit after he bursts out cackling like a goddamn hyena.

Bokuto looks a bit like Kuroo just slapped him across the face, which isn't that far off all things considered. He sits cross-legged, totally naked aside from his socks, holding his hands uselessly in the air as though the sticky mess covering them is some kind of toxic ooze, while Kuroo, wearing nothing but the boxers hanging off his ankle, can't seem to muster the energy to fully hold his own finger up as he tries to point and laugh in Bokuto's general direction, halfway to fetal position.

You are able to take it all in silently, until Bokuto turns to you with the most put-out, completely dejected look on his face, and with all the dignity and poise of a five-year-old says,

"Kich _aan,_ _heeellllp_."

Unfortunately, your outburst only spurs Kuroo on further.

Bokuto whines over the sound of both of your snorting, as you try but fail to hold back the barks of laughter.

"You guys are the worst, _worst_ people on the entire planet. Worst in the whole, atmosphere or-whatever!"

Bokuto hoists himself up on one knee, hyper-vigilantly attempting not to touch anything, and starts wandering around the room, trying to open cupboards and drawers with his elbows in search of something.

"Why is there nothing in he-what even _is_ this room? Why is this happening to me? All I want is something to clean thi- _ahck_! DANG it!"

When he slams an apparently empty cupboard shut, the one beside it swings open, causing his hand to slap against his chest.

You absolutely do not laugh any harder, it is definitely only Kuroo who does that, certainly not you.

"OK. No. This isn't happening. This is so- hey!"

You watch as he drops out of sight behind a table at the other side of the room, and grumbling Bokuto sounds tell you he is fumbling around with something.

His head pops back up with a self-satisfied _yeah_ , and he strolls back over to you and Kuroo as though he hadn't been dangling over the edge of some kind of slapstick comedy mental breakdown not two seconds prior.

Actually, he seems rather impressed with himself once he drops back onto the floor with you.

Kuroo is the first to spot it and start laughing again, but you join in a second later when you also notice Bokuto is now missing one of his socks.

Bokuto rolls his eyes with a groan, probably thinking himself quite the MacGyver with this _who really needs a sock for each foot_ plan of his, and you might start feeling a little bit bad if this madness doesn't end soon.

'Soon' comes mere milliseconds after Bokuto mumbles, "you guys _said_ you wouldn't make fun of me," with a grumpy frown on his face.

"Bo, I believe we said we wouldn't _judge_ you. This is different."

"Well I don't see what's so funny! I couldn't help it! You guys were holding me, like _that_ , and then when Kichan, and I was already-"

 _Oooh_. Now you do feel kind of bad. "Bo-kun, you dummy. We obviously aren't laughing about _that_."

Kuroo feels the need to chime in. "Yeah idiot. You- I mean _that_ was... that was the fucking hottest, fucking thing, I've ever fucking seen or heard, in my fucking _life_ bro."

"Hm?" Bokuto's eyebrows perk up and _t_ _hat's it t_ _his guy has obviously got a praise kink_.

"Bo-kun? Fuck yes. The fucking _best_. It was, you know, everything that happened, after." You really shouldn't be allowing even more snorts to leak out while you're trying to give this pep talk; there is a pretty good chance it might reduce the effectiveness. "We're sorry, for laughing and, well, attacking you like that in the first place too, I guess."

Bokuto looks off to the side, face completely red, and mumbles "didn't say I didn't _like_ that part," as one long word.

Kuroo's eyebrows practically touch his hairline, and he looks much, much too excited by this statement. You on the other hand, are busy ignoring the sensation of your own face pulling into the exact same expression, because _shut up_.

" _Oya_ oya?! Look at you Bokubro! You kinky fucking bastard."

"I'm not!"

"Rope _bunny_?! More like rope... uh, Bo? Rope bun-ku?"  
"God I hate you. Just say Rope Bokuto. It's fine."  
"I feel it though, I think there's something better."  
" _Please_ , oh my god why do you exist."

"HEY! I'm not! Whatever that is!"

"Ooho _ho_! Oh Bo, if you're good, maybe me and Kirei-chan can tie you up next time yeah? You'd like that?"

Similarly to yourself every time sounds come out of Kuroo's mouth, Bokuto's automatic reaction is to bear his teeth like a dog ready to attack, but after a moment, his face just drops into this kind of, confused disappointment.

"Next time?"

"Well if you want. We could, you know, do something like this again? We had fun, right Kuro-kun?"

Kuroo scoffs. "Uh _ye_ ah? I can tell literally everyone, and believe me I am going to, that _Bokuto-san came on me_. So I'd say I had a pretty fucking great time."

Bokuto doesn't immediately perk _or_ rile up after that like you expected him to.

Instead, he flips the whole damn table over, soup and all, on both of you.

"So then, we aren't going to keep going now?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope that part where kuroo is trying to make a good word-mashup of rope bunny and bokuto is funny becuase i both think it is funny and also it only exists because that is literally what happned in my brain when i tried to write it


	6. The One with the Big-Dick Fuck-Pegasus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what?  
> I don't know either.

**EVENTUALLY PART SIX:  
** **The One with the Big-Dick Fuck-Pegasus**

"So that means, we aren't going to keep going now?"

You can still see the streaks from where Bokuto wasn't able to completely clean himself off, and while you obviously would have lost your damn mind if your personal quest for orgasm had ended right here, you really didn't expect Bokuto to want to carry on after all of, well, _that_.

"You literally have to be fucking kidding me."

Neither did Kuroo, apparently.

"Bo. You just released an almost _inhuman_ amount of fucking jizz man! I will be seeing that image in both dreams _and_ nightmares for years to come I'm sure, but there is no _fucking_ way you're telling me you're just _good to go_ again right now? Bro. Tell me that is not what you're saying. You've hurt me enough tonight."

"Hm. It really _was_ a lot huh? Even I'm kinda surprised..."

He trails off, and _thank fuck._ It seems that wasn't the norm, and Bokuto is human after all.

"Err but, well..."

 _Uhg_.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Kuroo gets up from the floor and flops himself down into the couch cushions, muttering profanities as he attempts to become one with the furniture.

Bokuto looks at you, vaguely gesturing at Kuroo. "This one of those times where we just ignore him?"

Just like you always say, such a smart guy, that Bokuto.

"I think so?" You shuffle over to Kuroo on your knees and shake him by the shoulder. "You good Kuro-kun? Just jealous 'cuz you're a useless zombie the moment you get off?"

He mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like _I hate you both_.

"Yep, ignore him. He'll be fine." You shuffle back over to Bokuto as more mumbling comes from behind you, which you ignore. "Honestly though, I'm surprised too. That was pretty uh... _prrret-ty_ impressive, Bo-kun. I figured you'd be done for after that."

"Hey hey, what are you trying to say? That was just a warm up right?"

Louder angry-Kuroo-sounds fill the room and at this point you have to reach back blindly to give the poor guy a pat on the head.

"I thought you wanted to, you know. With me, Kichan?"

A literal scream into a pillow and Kuroo sits up, red-faced and hair somehow messier than ever. He points accusingly. "That reminds me, _Bo-kun..._ "

As Kuroo gives time for this statement to settle in the air, you and Bokuto think to yourselves, _oh shit_ , which is another of those automatic responses you've sub-consciously developed to Kuroo's various expressions.

This one, as you both know, means something along the lines of, _have you idiots somehow forgotten that I'm smarter than you?_

"You said fuck."

"Uh-"

"Yep. You said fuck, and you said it really loud, then you said it a bunch more times."

Bokuto waves his hands in front of him as though he might be trying to put up a protective barrier. "Bro I-"

"I _believe_ it went kind of like, FFUUUCK! Fuckfuckfuck fuck!"

Kuroo still manages to impress you from time to time, because that was a really good impression; he even included the twitching shoulders.

"Kuro. You can't t-"  
"Oh I'm telling him."  
"You really can't. Please bro. I'll do anything."

 _Uh oh._ "Ah, Bo-kun. You really shouldn't say something like that to Kur-"

"OK. Say it again then."

Bokuto sputters. "Tch. I'm an _adult_. I can say it when, whenever I want to. Jeez bro you're so like, lame."

"Cool. So say it then."  
"Fine."  
"Good. Let's hear it."  
"You will."  
"Right now."  
"Al _right_!"

Yeah, no.

"This is over. Neither of us are going to tell Akaashi-san you said fuck a bunch of times. Right Kuro-kun?"

Kuroo, bless his heart, catches the raise of your eyebrows. "Right."

Akaashi has a thing about cursing, wasted words, poor vocabulary, that sort of thing, and you're sure Bokuto takes it way more seriously than he does, but Bokuto is like that; he holds tightly to whatever certainties about people they're willing to give him.

It's cute and all, but Bokuto is also the last person who should be surprised by you and Kuroo ganging up for a combo attack.

"As long as you say it again."

"Oya? I see how it is."

 _Real uh oh_.

Bokuto gets his unerringly-confident-that-I-am-about-to-win face on, which would normally end in both you and Kuroo thoroughly beat down, usually covered in dirt and sporting some kind of minor injury, but this time he just slides closer to you, looks you right in the eyes and says-

"Are you gonna ffuck me or not?"

You are momentarily taken aback by the fact that he actually manages to kind of _smolder_ , in a Bokuto sort of way, for a few seconds before Kuroo starts laughing at him.

"F-f-f-fuck me? Bro. Forget it. Forget I said anything, you don't have to say it. It's fine. It's like, seeing a unicorn, you know? If it happened all the time it wouldn't be special."

Cognitive conditioning or not, the look in Kuroo's eyes would tell anyone with half a brain they should probably start thinking of ways to incapacitate him, which is likely why, instead of doing anything of the sort, _you_ decide to say, "It really _was_ like seeing a unicorn, wasn't it Kuro-kun?"

"Like, a majestic pegasus." Kuroo flaps his arms like wings. "Just, flying through the skies, with this just like, huge dick hanging down-"

You're huffing. "Uh, mommy? What's _that_ part of the pegasus?"

Kuroo and Bokuto laugh along with you, and by that point it's too late, because everything is already spiraling out of control.

As it tends to when the three of you are left alone together for too long.

Or any amount of time, really.

Kuroo gestures around the room, painting the scene in his head. "Ha! And it's, you know, circling over this innocent family that's out camping or something, thinking they're getting the chance to see this once-in-a-lifetime magical creature of myth and legend. It's like, there's a fucking, you know, like a rainbow in the sky too-"

You're used to it, you can play the roles without seeing the script. "By golly! Honey, kids, come see this!"

This kind of thing happens when Kuroo starts on one of these insane stories; you get caught up in the snowball of crazy or stupid or ridiculous, and only end up making it bigger.

Kuroo snorts. "And it turns a bit and all you can see is this like, massive _dick_ it's got and it starts crying out like, fuck!"

"It's like an air horn. Like the cry of a Lovecraftian monster just fuck! FUCK!"  
"Oh! Uhh, don't, uh... don't look at it kids!"  
"The wife's like, what I wouldn't give to take a ride on that-"  
 _"W-hah-what?!"  
_ "Oh! Err, Gregory, n-nothing. I mean ride, like a horse, you know?"  
"Jessica you bitch! Wha-haha, what happened to it's not about the _size_ of the boat, huh?"

You point to Bokuto. "Goddammit Gregory! Not in front of the kids!"

So does Kuroo. "The kids aren't _here_ Jessica, remember? We sent them away so they wouldn't have to see _that_ fucking pegasus' massive hog!"

It completely devolves, you trying to struggle out the term 'massive hog' through soundless laughter while Bokuto lies on his back, clutching at his stomach and cackling.

Bokuto really did hit the nail on the head. He may be an actual idiot, but he also has this odd wiseness. Like a sixth sense specific to him that just inherently _knows_ things other people don't even think to look for. You guess Bokuto can always see the forest while everyone else is distracted by the trees, because this? It's just like normal hanging out.

Like normal, but in nothing but your underwear.

Practically tearing up, you catch Kuroo's eye, and he's smiling.

Kuroo's cocky smirk always makes you kind of wish you could just punch it right off his face, but his smile? The good one, the real one, the one that isn't trying so damn _hard_ all the time. It's the one not enough people get the chance to see, and it makes you want to crush his entire head out of existence.

It makes you _like_ him, and that only makes you a little bit mad.

He's catching his breath, and his control, and he is softer when he says, "This marriage is a sham. I want a divorce."

Kuroo sees you looking, returns your expression right back at you, and it doesn't even bother you much that you know that he knows.

Your tone is blasé, but the grin is betraying. "Not this again Bob. Is this because of that fucking pegasus with the majestic cock?"

"Maje-Bob?! Who the fuck is Bob? Wasn't I Gregory?" He laughs, eyes shifting behind you and widening in an amused sort of horror. "Wait, no. Don't tell me. It can't be-"

"Ffuck!"

All three of you lose it, whatever 'it' you had left, when Bokuto appears flapping his own arm-wings.

Once you've all somewhat caught your breath again, you tackle Bokuto to the ground with a hug, eyes still on Kuroo. "Yes! It's him. I'm leaving you for that big-dicked fuck-pegasus from the camping trip! He puts the 'love' in Lovecraftian abomination, Gregory. Take the kids, me and Bob are going to have mind-parasites or formless alien babies or something together!"

That's the end of it. You and Bokuto are laid out on the carpet, and Kuroo lunges off the couch to tackle and fake strangle him, stuttering out _you bastard_ s through his teeth trying not to smile any harder. Weakened by the effort, Kuroo collapses to the side, making sure to steamroll you in the process.

You think this might be one of those moments.

The three of you lay on ugly carpet in the middle of the empty teacher's lounge side-by-side, crushed into each other stealing warmth in nothing but your underwear, and in Bokuto's case, the addition of a single sock. One of you is still letting out the odd snort of laughter, spurring on the other two, and it doesn't really matter that it's almost two in the morning, or that someone might come looking, or even that this is the first camp of the last year before it all comes to a screeching halt.

Kuroo props himself up on an elbow to look down at you and Bokuto, and it blocks the light from the lampposts outside that shine in through the window. It darkens his face, and Bokuto makes room for you in the crook of his arm when he stretches them up to use as a pillow.

Right now, you get to exist in that space between being too young or too dumb for adult fears, and too old to be scared of the monsters hiding under your bed.

Yeah.

One of those moments from some shitty coming-of-age movie or overdone YA novel that secretly still makes you cry.

Except in this one, Kuroo isn't really the brooding, mysterious bad boy he might look like, he's just weirdly insecure and spends too much time stuck in his own head, too smart for his own good. Bokuto won't be that guy getting drunk alone at forty still talking about his high school days, because he really _is_ going to make it; he's too hard-headed and stupid and _good_ not to. You might be a bit manic, maybe even a bit of a pixie (short, mischievous, fond of a good dance party, and so on), but you're definitely nobody's dream girl, and you'll freeze hell over with your own two hands before becoming some Aesop collateral damage or _device_ to further anyone's development but your own.

You think this is one of those moments that's way better than the movies.

At least, you do until your moment of reflection is interrupted by Bokuto.

"So, you guys are like, boyfriendy-girlfriendy now?"

You push him away with your feet and your fists, and Kuroo helps.

"What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you somehow even dumber than you look?"

"Ow! What? It's possible isn't it!? Don't hurt me."

"Fucking shit Bo, if you thought that, maybe you should have considered asking _before_ dumping a bucket of jizz all over us, you think?"

There is no time to cringe over the phrase 'bucket of jizz' (you'll be sure to do it later) because you're busy trying to hold Bokuto down, ignoring the thought that this is becoming a theme, and making way for Kuroo to assault him in the worst way possible, _severe_ tickling.

It might seem lighthearted and fun, but for Bokuto, this is surely a fate worse than death.

"Bo-kun, are you a homewrecker?!"

"I always knew you were secretly the biggest pervert of all of us. And to think it was _me_ the people called irresistible man-whore."

You're sure what Kuroo _meant_ to say was 'troublesome fuck boy,' but for now it'll have to be close enough.

You aren't very strong, unfortunately, and even if you were you still probably wouldn't be as strong as Bokuto anyway, so he manages to grab Kuroo's hands and battle you both away despite your weight on top of him.

Kuroo gives up the fight and drops like a bag of rocks to the floor beside you, but Bokuto is sturdy and still grinning and warm, so you stay right where you are, resting your head on his chest.

Because he seems to despise comfortable, _peaceful_ silences as much as a normal person hates awkward ones, Kuroo is drawling out the start of another lazy conversation before long.

"Wouldn't it be too weird, Bo? If it was like that?"  
"I guess? But... aren't you guys already pretty weird?"  
"I thought you didn't want to be hurt, Bokkun."  
"You can't get mad at me for thinking. It's a rule."  
"True, but also, stop."  
"Yeah. You're not very good at it bro."

Bokuto huffs out a sigh, sinking into the comfortable normality of the moment. Kuroo absentmindedly traces his fingertips along the bare skin of your leg.

Your eyes close as you sigh at Kuroo's gentle touches, and when you open them again to the sight of Bokuto's chest, for some unknown reason you decide to stick your tongue out, flicking the ring that dangles through his nipple.

Alright, _fine_. The reason isn't that hard to decipher. It was there, and it is hot.

The sound he makes is even hotter.

Which is why you follow the flick by taking the whole thing in your mouth and sucking, just a little bit. It earns you a reward in the form of another delicious gasp.

"You know what Bokkun? I _do_ think your piercing is cool."

You press your tongue to it, pulling gently before taking it between your teeth. Bokuto's hands grab your thighs tightly and he pulls you against him, pushing against you at the same time. He groans, then looks a bit like he thinks he might have just done something wrong.

You grind yourself into him both to show that he in fact did something very _right_ , and to get another of those moans to spill out. It's an even better plan than you expected, because he grabs you by the hips and drags your clothed core against his.

Maybe he was hungry for a couple moans too.

Bokuto's body is big beneath you, and his hands are big on you. With your hands on his shoulders, you swap a pierced nipple for a plain one, and find you get the same reaction from both.

His knees bend, cushioning your ass against his thighs.

Apparently your tongue, maybe your embarrassingly needy gasps, give him the confidence he needs to let go just that little bit more.

Bokuto runs his palms along your thighs, squeezing and gripping your ass as he lifts his hips off of the floor to crush himself against you. His neck stretches back, mouth open, and you are sure his body is moving completely involuntarily, on instinct, or maybe need, alone.

Your eyes get caught on each other's for a second, and a hot sting that might be your braincells colliding nearly knocks you over. You force your gaze to drift down, away from his and the odd little, _whatever that was_ , and your tongue goes back to tugging on that sinful silver ring.

Your words are a bit mumbled, and maybe you and him both are rendered just a bit more stupid by that tiny intensity, so with a lazy grin, and to cool the heat, you tease him.

"Ah. Your dick is telling all your secrets for you tonight Bo-kun. You _like_ this, don'chya?"

Despite the fact that you have, and will continue to, complain about it, Bokuto-whining hits a bit fucking _different_ when he's nearly naked and hard beneath you.

"Y-yea, I do. So what? _You_ do too. Can't exactly hide _this_ , but I bet you're..." Bokuto _hm_ s, and his voice breaks. "Really wet."

 _Where_ , you wonder, _is the lie?_

In order to punish him for being absolutely correct, you slide yourself up Bokuto's body so he can feel said wetness against his stomach, and bite his neck. Hard.

Its always nice to know that almost-inhuman Bokuto has a fair few weaknesses himself.

His hands move to your shoulders and he pulls you away to stare at your face. The absolutely feral look in his eyes blindsides you with that weird heat again, and he opens his mouth to say "K-"

"Come over here."

You try to hide the way your shoulders tense at Kuroo's voice from behind you, but Bokuto's eyes scream caught-red-handed and he freezes.

You... hadn't even noticed he got up.

" _Wow_. I see how it is. No no, don't mind me I'm just, you know, still here. Here _first_ , actually."

Kuroo is too adorable when he pouts. It really doesn't happen enough. "Kuro-kun needs attention. Bo-kun, hurry! Tell him he looks handsome."

"Top five most handsome bros in the country, _easily_ Kurobro."

"Country? Are you saying there's more than five bros hotter than me out there Bo?" Kuroo mumbles. "Doubt it. I mean _may_ be four, tops. And one of them is like, hidden away from the world in a secluded village on a mountaintop to protect his purity, so that one doesn't even really count."

You climb off Bokuto smiling and turn around as he sits up, only to discover Kuroo is sat on the couch behind you, not, in fact, deeply troubled by his lack of participation in current events, but holding the band of his underwear down with one hand and stroking himself with the other.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"What? I was lonely." Kuroo's smiling too. "Also, I couldn't see that well."

Bokuto gets up to sit himself down on the couch beside Kuroo, and you get the slightest bit of rug burn on your knees from sliding over to rest your arms on Kuroo's legs.

"Ah, of course. Kuro-kun doesn't _need_ attention from anyone."

"Tch, you're damn right. Who am I? Bokuto?"

"Hey!"

You take the opportunity to climb up onto the couch yourself, straddling one of each of their thighs. "Kuro-kun, don't be mean. Bo-kun, you're a drama queen, it's literally your contact name in Akaashi's phone."

Whereas Kuroo's hands immediately come to touch your legs and chest and anywhere else they can reach, Bokuto keeps his to himself until you initiate. Kuroo pulls you by the back of the head into a kiss, and your fingers thread through Bokuto's hair as you revel in the out of body experience that is having their hands and yours on both of them and you at once.

"Kich _aaan._ Kiss me too."

You pull away from Kuroo, who looks about standardly evil, and consider Bokuto. "Nah. Too weird."

"Wha-why?! You kiss him and not me? How the heck am I weird? I'm probably a way better kisser than him! I'm probably the _best_ kisser actually. I could win gold for kissing in the Olympics. I could be, a professional kisser!"

"I think that's illegal bro."  
"Bo-kun. I'm sure that's probably true-"  
"W _hat_?!"  
"Ha ha. Hear that Kuro?"

You push both of their heads back with a palm to their foreheads.

"She's always like that, it isn't you that's weird. _Kichan_ wants to protect your purity, Bo." Kuroo looks at Bokuto through his bangs, and winks. " _I_ on the other hand, am not overly concerned about it. _Hueheh_."

Honestly. Is there somewhere you can like, donate money to help find a cure for whatever it is that makes Kuroo this way?

"Ohkaay... but Kichan. You kissed Kuro, you know? Like, just now."

"Well, we don't really have to worry about _his_ purity, now do we Bo-kun?"

"Whatever." _The Bokuto is appeased._ "Pay attention to me now though ok? I liked it when you bit my neck, it was like that vampire movie."

What vampire movie did you watch with Bokuto that he would have actually remembered anything about?

"Blade?" You ask.

"Twilight?" Kuroo says at the same time.

You're earning credit with the higher powers for leaving that one be.

Bokuto starts to say "yeah that wuh-" to who knows which of you (likely Kuroo, because Bokuto) but trails off when you swing yourself fully into his lap and latch onto his neck like you might actually be able to turn him into a sparkling immortal teenager. " _Ahhh_..."

"Careful not to leave a mark there, Ero-chan."

You make to release Bokuto from your bite, but his hand finds the back of your head and holds you in place. "Leave one. Want you, to leave one."

Whelp, you're not going to argue with that ever.

You suck and bite little red marks along Bokuto's collarbone, just below where the collar of his shirt would lie. You are rewarded for the work with _ahh_ s and _yeah_ s, the rough slide of his hands over your body, and the feel of him growing harder beneath you.

You don't stop, travelling further across his chest with your teeth, losing yourself in him losing himself until he startles, digging his fingers into the skin of your waist.

"Whoa, whoa. Chill, bro."

Ah, right. Kuroo.

He's on the floor now, behind you and placing himself between Bokuto's legs. Kuroo pushes Bokuto's knees apart to make room for himself as he pulls you back slightly, pressing his chest to your back.

"I'm tired of looking at these."

You move about awkwardly as Kuroo pulls each of your legs through your underwear, surely crushing various parts of Bokuto's body as you kneel and dig misplaced elbows into him. Once you've settled back to where Kuroo had you before, the absolute _trash_ person starts swinging them around a finger.

"Hey Bo, want a souvenir?"  
"No."  
"Yes! I mean no. That's uh, wrong bro."

"Your loss," Kuroo says, flinging them to god knows where before he grabs your hips and pulls you back.

You've got an idea of what's about to happen, and you are unquestionably _about_ it, but it's still troublesome that you can _hear_ Kuroo grinning.

"Don't mind me. You two crazy kids have fun."

You feel Kuroo press against you, wetting himself with your wetness. When he presses all the way inside, you bear down on him and latch onto Bokuto's neck, just below the ear, to stop your scream from alerting the others, the police, and any astronauts currently in outer space.

You can feel Kuroo's thrusts pushing Bokuto's legs apart each time he pulls your hips down onto him, and you feel him looking for the right spot to put his hands.

"Bo I'm gonna, I need to put _mmm_ my _ah_ , on your-"

Bokuto's voice is eerily low. Breathy, but even. "S'fine bro. I don't care jus'do it."

There is a chance Bokuto might be having a bit of a moment, what with your being completely naked now, teeth and tongue and constant teasing over his ears and neck and chest.

Although, he is also currently being used as some kind of human _sex furniture_ , so that could be part of it too.

"Ah, _shit_." Kuroo grabs a handful of your hair with one hand and steadies himself with the other on Bokuto's thigh, using his grip there as leverage to push up into you harder.

And further inspection... yeah. He is also definitely groping the thigh. The way Kuroo's hand is on Bokuto, you know what it feels like. Hot fingertips on bare skin.

When Kuroo presses deep, sandwiching you between them, it forces you forward, grinding your clit against Bokuto, and you _wail_.

Any intentions you had to make a sound board of Boku-moans with your teeth are no longer possible, as you simply collapse against him.

As much as you tease and fight with him, Kuroo has certainly learned just how to fuck you over the past _don't think about how long it's been_. Only now, rather than the wall, or a table, or a bathroom stall, or any number of other dark and hidden places, he fucks you against Bokuto's bare chest. Fucks you _into_ Bokuto's bare chest.

This, might be the single greatest moment of your life.

Bokuto's hands begin to tentatively brush beneath your breasts, growing less and less hesitant with his touch, and you realize that _fuck, I have nothing left to live for_ , because it can't possibly get better than this.

This time, Bokuto is the one who ruins it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look i just i dont know alright it just happened


	7. You Can't Hold Your Breath Until You Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People in your position,  
> probably shouldn't be so cocky.

**EVENTUALLY PART SEVEN:  
** **You Can't Hold Your Breath Until You Die**

This time, Bokuto is the one who ruins it.

"Psst." He wraps one hand behind your head and pulls you to the side, capturing you in the crook of his neck. "Hey it uh, it kinda looks like you're banging _me_ like this bro."

Kuroo, unsurprisingly, doesn't see this observation as a reason to stop. Rather, he feels the need to say, "haha, you like that bro," while staring into Bokuto's eyes as he fucks into you with slower, harder thrusts.

"OoOo," Bokuto replies in a terrible high-pitched voice that you _swear to fucking god if that is supposed to be me_ , "do it harder Kuro-kun."

You've got a growing suspicion this situation is about to get very fucking weird for everyone involved, so it's time to sit back and enjoy the ride.

_Nice. Double entendre._

"Hah, yeah bro, I'll fuck y-you know what. _Shit_ , ah fuck. Nope. Can't even play this game right now. It'll get weird way too quick."

_Hm._

"Aw. You don't wanna bang me bro?"

_Oh?_

"Shut up man. Not a g- _fuck_! Not a good time."

_Ooo!_

"But brooo, it seems like you're so good a-"

_Uh oh..._

You feel Bokuto raise him arms, reaching behind you as he prepares to make a very big mistake. Or, a very _good_ mistake.

A sly grin grows as you realize what he is about to do.

Your face is still buried in Bokuto's neck, but the moment he gets his fingers in Kuroo's hair is so obvious, you could have called it from the surface of another planet.

To make matters worse (also better), rather than letting go, the utterly _devastating_ moan Kuroo releases causes Bokuto to grip his hair tighter in surprise. Kuroo fucks into you so hard, your shoulder hits Bokuto's chin and crushes his dick between your bodies, groans wrung from both you and Bokuto, and after three harsh presses that make you think this is the end for him, Kuroo pulls out, _throwing_ Bokuto's hands away from his head.

"Fuck him. Fuck him right now."

He seems a bit, perturbed.

"Bro I-"  
"Don't! Do not, say anything. You. _Fuck_ him."  
"Kuro-kun! What the fuck don't just _de_ -"

"Listen, Ero-chan. This bastard just, you know what? No. We are officially never speaking about what just hap-almost! Almost happened. Ever."

He really should not be getting away with demanding you to _fuck_ , as if he's the goddamn sex-general or something, but then again, he does have some pretty good ideas from time to time.

"You, are going to make him fucking _cry_."

Kuroo is too intense sometimes.

Way too hot too, but you can worry about that never.

You don't even try to control the devilish grin as you put one hand on Bokuto's face and snap the band of his underwear with the other.

"Ow?"

"Wanna lose these, Bo-kun?"

Bokuto looks a bit like a deer in headlights, or an owl in a flashlight, maybe.

You are perched on his thighs, sat near his knees undressed and wet and aching in all sorts of places, but you feel light. You've spent the night laughing, touching roughly and softly and for the first time and even all three of those things at once. You talked and cuddled and fought and fucked in enough positions for _you_ to consider it a workout at least, and can almost imagine what it might feel like to live in Bokuto's head for a day with how many different emotions you've run through.

Speaking of... he's more relaxed now too.

Obviously you know him well enough to know he wouldn't be here in the first place if he didn't want to be, certainly not without endless complaining, but Bokuto can sometimes be a weirdly nervous type of guy.

Bokuto doesn't worry about the same bullshit other people do, or suffer the weight of those nagging, human fears that suffocate so many, rejection, mediocrity, failure. You think as far just generally being present and alive and _living_ , Bokuto's got his shit together more than anyone else. He knows himself though, he can be a lot for some people, not everyone thinks like him. He's the only guy whose ass you wouldn't kick for telling you to smile, because you're pretty sure the only thing Bokuto really wants in life is to see everyone smiling at him. For someone so confident, he embarrasses easily, and he can be overly sensitive. With the way his existence seems to demand attention, Bokuto's mood can swing through a room of people like a goddamn wrecking ball. He's contagious, for better or worse, but he burns through emotions explosively - hot, loud, and quick. He tries, but Bokuto is physically incapable of hiding how he feels, and you know because you've run the experiments. When it comes to him, hesitance is almost always the result of him trying to spare someone else from himself.

Its a bit sweet and a bit sad, but whatever the painting of everything Bokuto is looks like under a microscope, if anyone ever tried to touch it up? If someone thought it might need fixing? You'd saw their arms off with a _fucking spoon_.

As he sits there preparing to jump off this wild cliff with the two of you, he looks wary and excited at the same time.

It's... oddly arousing.

You know what you're about to do, he knows what you're about to do, and you both know this thing is going to be a thing that stays part of him. It's a jumping off point, the starting line for all future endeavors of this nature. Not the desperate, awkward, overwhelming way of a first love, but he's letting you be a teacher, in a way. Bokuto is trusting you to get the ball rolling without spinning it off course, and the thought of it, a bit strangely, is really turning you on.

_This must be how perverts feel._

It might be Bokuto's nervously impatient expression, or the way his hair is wet and droopy at the ends from his shower and sweat, or how it gets all fluffy near his head where its starting to dry, but when his face isn't contorted in one extreme, dramatic expression or another, he's seriously... handsome? Almost in a prehistoric, instinctual way. Like, a manifestation of survival of the fittest that says _this_ is the man who brings back the biggest prize from a hunt, the one whose offspring will be strong enough to survive the winter. Hotness pheromones, or some shit, Kuroo would probably say.

Bokuto is the sort of handsome moms brag to their mom friends about.

Not like Kuroo, whose attractiveness has a sort of 'resting eroticism' quality thanks to his dark eyes, the casually bored way he carries himself, and the _wouldn't you like to know_ air about him that seems to bleed through every fiber of his being. His long, slender features, and the way you can't meet his eyes without feeling like he may be sorting through your thoughts as easily as he reads a newspaper.

Almost like Kuroo's opposite, Bokuto's eyes are light and round. Where Kuroo whispers sly promises of speed and silence and _flight_ , it's as though every part of Bokuto was designed to shout strength, period.

Looking at him, you think for a moment that Bokuto might have been constructed from what the girls call _boyfriend material_ , but that's Sawamura's nickname in the group chat, so it must be different.

You haven't moved, lost in thought, but Bokuto is lifting his hips, putting his thumbs beneath the band of his boxers and pulling them down over his _that will never not be shocking_ and thighs. You make space so he can bend forward and wriggle his second-to-last piece of clothing down his legs, and he lets them fall to the floor around his ankles.

He looks a bit stern when he settles against the back of the couch, thick brows furrowed and pursed lips. You wonder why, but only briefly.

"I'm not gonna freakin' _cry_. Got it?"

Ow. It hurts. It's too cute.

Even Kuroo has to look away.

You're not in the right state of mind to poke at him, but you can muster an affectionate huff. "You know, Bo-kun. This is actually a first for both of us."

An exasperated sigh should already be locked, loaded, and ready to go before Bokuto can even look confused, but instead it's you who hasn't got a clue when he gets this pitying look on his face.

"Um, do you actually even know what virgin means, Kichan?"

 _Die_. Forget everything you said before, Bokuto is a shitty, ugly idiot that you hope gets hit by a train.

You unfortunately neither are, nor have access to, a train at the moment, so you settle for beating your fists against his chest like a baby gorilla.

"Do I know what it means?! Are you trying to say I'm as stupid as you? You idiot, I didn't say I was a _virgin_!"

He doesn't even flinch, doesn't even have the decency to _blink_ as you attempt to beat him to a slow death by tiny fist-hammers. "Well, you said it was your first ti-"

"I know what I said!" It seems likely your fists will erode before Bokuto takes any real damage, so you give up, and this kind of thing, come to think of it, is probably why you're so damn weak in the first place. "I _meant_ , it's my first time _taking_ a virginity."

"Wha-wait, so... Kuro?"

"Bro, come on. Have you seen me? Have you even seen, _this_?" Kuroo gestures vaguely to all of himself. "Of course I've been getting laid like, all the time-"

Bokuto gives him a bored look. "It was that one who dumped you after a week back in-"

"Yeah, yeah," Kuroo pouts. "It was two weeks though, you damn bastard. Also, _basically_ mutual."

You laugh at the reminder. "Hey Bokkun. Remember when she gave him the note that was like, _dearest Te-_ "

Bokuto _obviously_ remembers, because you and him had teased Kuroo relentlessly for at least a month, and his eyes light up as soon as you start mimicking that high-pitched voice.

"OHkhey! Enough, I don't think we really need to be digging up my traumatic origin story right now."

"Eh, probably," you reply offhandedly, laying your arms over Bokuto's shoulders, hands coming together behind his head as you settle into the feeling of your bare skin on his, flipping that weird sexual light switch back on in the room.

Kuroo is still behind you, seemingly contented to remain, for now, on his knees on the floor between Bokuto's feet, fingers trailing over your back.

You look at Bokuto, the ghost of comfortable smiles on both of your faces.

"Bo-kun?"  
"Mm?"  
"Good?"  
"Mhm."  
"I can touch you?"

"Yeah? 'Course," he breathes out.

You run the fingers of one hand down Bokuto's chest, stopping to roll over a pierced nipple, dipping in and out of creases between hard muscle and soft skin. A light trail made delicately up the length of him to the tip of his cock makes him shiver, and you wrap your hand around him. You push up onto your knees and can see his hands in the corners of your eyes, tightening slowly into the arm of the couch on one side, and the cushion on his other. He doesn't take his eyes away from your face, doesn't blink, and sucks his bottom lip between his teeth as you take a steadying hold around him.

"I can fuck you?"

He nods, and you lean a bit farther forward to rub your chin affectionately against the top of his forehead where his hairline starts.

You angle yourself and him, desperate to feel it but not allowing the contact, and lean back to look in his eyes, using your hold on the back of his neck to turn his face towards yours.

You can't help yourself when you see him, and realize that whatever Kuroo has must be catching when, _"tell me what you want, Bokkun,"_ decides to _slither_ out of your mouth.

He doesn't cry, but it kind of sounds like he might.

You feel nails scratch lightly across your back as Kuroo comes to sit himself beside Bokuto and you. When you glance over, you must have a curious look in your eyes because he offers a hoarse, "wanna see his face," as explanation.

He wants to _be_ here too, clearly, because he sits with one leg folded up on the couch and the other on the ground, legs spread so they curve around the two of you, wrapping a hand around your calf and pulling it against his.

Kuroo looks almost, wistful, when your eyes pull towards each other's, and he moves the hand on your leg to the crevice where your waist bends into the curve of your thigh. He circles a thumb on the skin, and gives the spot a light squeeze. A quiet few seconds of reminding each other, perhaps, just how it was you got yourselves into this position.

Though, maybe you're both remembering another moment entirely, from longer ago than you're willing to think about, that bore one or two striking similarities to this one.

It couldn't have been more than ten seconds, since you tend to avoid these gross, intimate-adjacent types of things, especially when it comes to Kuroo, but even that was apparently too much time to have spent not giving your undivided attention to Bokuto - the human embodiment of a kid yelling 'watch me, watch me' until you catch yourself strongly considering which of its toys you might use to break its legs.

"Come _on,_ Kichan," he whines. "I, obviously I want it, don't _make_ me say, that. I just wanna feel it." A quick flash of nerves. "You do too, right?"

You don't want to break Bokuto's legs.

 _Although_... "Hm? Want what, Bo-kun?"

You really might be able to get him to cry, but you look too long at his face and just can't. Instead, you let the tip of him brush against you, letting him feel the slightest graze of your lips over him. You're wet, and you probably shouldn't be torturing him with the feel of it.

You'll need to make sure Bokuto still remembers the days of the week after this, because his head slams back against the couch so hard you're sure he must be concussed. You knew you'd get some kind of reaction, but you barely touched him.

Which means if you give him _juust_ a little bit more, let his cockhead spread your lips apart rather than just brush across them...

" _Ff_ uck me! That's what I want, ok? I want you to fuck me. Please. _Kichaan_ fuck me ok I want, you're, you said. Just, I need-"

You shush him, hiding a half-smug, half-downright _evil_ grin, and pull his head off the back of the couch by his hair to look at you. His eyes are closed tightly, and you brush a thumb across his furrowed brow to coax them open.

You haven't seen this look on Bokuto's face before.

"Ero-chan," Kuroo whispers, dark and rough as he moves a hand to rest at the small of your back. "I think Bokuto-san might want you to fuck him."

His voice, and gentle teasing, relaxes the atmosphere.

"You think so?"

Bokuto growls. Frustrated and whining at the same time.

You move him to slip between your lips again, stroking him as you drag his cock over your hole to your clit, making him wet with you, teasing yourself as much as you are him.

" _Fuck_. Look at his face."

"Yeah." Where else would you look?

Bokuto's eyes turn _predatory_ when he catches you perving on him together, but his cheeks are still pink.

You reverse your motion with a bit more force, more intent, pushing your clit against that sensitive bit of skin under the head, and let it catch at the edge of your entrance on the way back down.

You're sure he makes at least fourteen different expressions and nine distinct sounds through the process.

Just as you're about to repeat the motion, Kuroo's fingers tense at your back.

"I think that's good, K."

 _Why_ does it feel almost like he's using your first name when he calls you that?

Why does he know that and do it anyway, is a question for another _never_.

"Ah, you're probably right." With a hand under his chin, you get Bokuto to look at you, until he focuses his eyes on yours, and you search them through the fog of your own want and his. "Ready?"

Somehow, his eyes open even wider and he nods, fingers digging in deeper to the arm and back of the couch.

You won't tease him now, slowly preparing both yourself and him as you reposition. Just like ripping off a band-aid, you'll sink down onto him in one quick motion, giving both of you time to get used to the feeling of each other. Toss yourself down the hill rather than struggling through a hike.

Or, you would have.

The moment Bokuto is inside you past the teasing touches you gave him before, as soon as you start to really take him in, he pushes past that barrier between _on_ you and _in_ you, and it becomes quite clear that-

"I, wasn't ready. Oh _fuk_ urokun? It's- he's-"

Your hand leaves Bokuto's face and seeks out Kuroo's bicep. Once your fingers find it, you wouldn't be surprised to find you've left him bruised.

If a nuclear warhead was launched from the floor below you, Bokuto probably wouldn't have noticed. Might not have even heard it over his own mumbling. If he is actually saying words, you can't make them out over the sirens blaring in your head. He's practically vibrating for you to finish what you started or to let him take over. His involuntary, shaking little thrusts, and the way the ridge of his cockhead catches inside you from just those tiny movements, makes it feel a bit like you had been wrong about getting split in two, because apparently _yes, that can fucking happen_.

He's pushing for it, but you're too tense.

Later, you will begrudgingly admit that _sometimes_ , Tetsurou Kuroo is not an entirely shitty person.

"Koutarou."

There is an oddly calming authority to it, the way Kuroo demands his attention by using his name as he moves to stand behind you. He has no need to speak loudly.

Bokuto freezes in place, and you try catching your breath. He stutters. "Ff, Kuro? Feels _good_ -" the muscles in his leg twitch, and it forces him into you the tiniest bit deeper.

You both wail.

"God dammit, pay attention Bo." Kuroo takes a handful of Bokuto's hair and boredly flip flops his head side-to-side by it.

You would think the shocked expression on Bokuto's face was hilarious if you weren't being _fucking bisected_ right now.

Kuroo's other hand motions about your head. "Is this the face of pleasure, Bokuto?"

You're pretty sure the look on your face would be better classified as a _grimace_.

"Oh. My. God."

 _Shit._ "No! Nonono, hang on." You pause to bite your lip when your frantic reaching for Bokuto lifts that ridge at his head out of you again. "Just, hang on."

"Ohhhh no. Oh no. No. Nono-"

He's spiraling.

Kuroo catches him. "Hey! Jeez bro, you're _fine_. Just pay attention. She can take it. She wants to take it, right?"

You nod your agreement, an _mhm_ trying to eek itself out as enthusiastically as possible through clenched teeth.

"So, you just need to go slow, alright bro?"

Despite Kuroo's assurance, Bokuto does not seem very assured. "I freaking, I _knew_ it! It's not, _ahmn_ , even gonna fit there I mean, oh my god, obviously it doesn't and I- I'm the worst, _mmn_ , ever and I'll never be ab-"

Kuroo resumes flip-flopping Bokuto's head. "Both of you, for the love of god, fucking _relax._ Do I have to do everything?" He huffs. "Look Bo, you need to be able to deal with this, because its going to... hap _, uhg_. Is this actually, legitimately my fucking life right now?"

_Maybe it's actually Kuroo who is going to cry?_

He stops shaking Bokuto, seemingly so he can put all of his effort into a deep sigh. "I will say this one time, it will never be brought up outside this room, and I will say it the only way I know how."

Kuroo looks each of you in the eye, looking for confirmation that you are both willing to accept his terms. The intensity of him, and his command over the thickness in the air, is enough to distract you from the burn of Bokuto stretching you for a moment.

It's a blissful five seconds.

"With great power, comes great responsibility."

 _Of course_.

Bokuto's eyes are sparkling. "B-bro... ?"

_Well, whatever works._

"Alright." Kuroo releases Bokuto's hair, and he splays his hands across your back, dragging them down to rest above your hips. "Good?"

You offer a soft _yeah_ , and Bokuto nods.

"Good. Now just, slow."

You were wrong before, in your observation, or maybe expectation.

You are the textbook. Kuroo, is the teacher.

With his hands at your waist, tracing warm circles over your stomach and thighs, Kuroo steadies you. Under Kuroo's watchful eye, Bokuto holds himself still, an arm across his chest ending in a white-knuckled fist that is literally, physically holding himself back.

Looking at Bokuto overwhelms your senses, but having your face cupped by Kuroo's hand and tilted up towards his, propped against his chest as he looks down at you through messy bangs, doesn't leave you fairing any better.

"You can do it K."

Tiny, sharp, gremlin-like fingers with long pointed nails seem to latch into your chest for some reason at Kuroo's words.

Luckily they back off when he adds, "don't be a fucking pussy," but return for another quick poke after an uncharacteristically soft, " _breathe_."

A breath out, and you push past the point, fully taking the thickest part of Bokuto inside you.

It still feels almost like it shouldn't work, the thickness of him working it's way deeper into you, like maybe the delicate skin at the bottom of your slit might be too weak to take it, but you remember feeling this way once before, and you still aren't thinking about how long ago it was.

With a gentle, consistent press and soft licks to your neck and shoulders, Kuroo helps you take the rest of him, the fucking _demon_ that is Bokuto, until you are sitting on his thighs, full to overflowing, and you release the tension coiling through your body in relief.

You feel yourself smile. "It fits."

It makes you huff out a bit of a laugh, and with that terse motion, you are reminded of the gravity of this situation.

There is not a single inch of you that isn't touched, spread or stretched by him. So different from the familiar, glove-like fit of Kuroo fucking into you, it's a bit hard to reconcile that both acts have the same name. You can feel exactly where his tip and the edges of him rest inside you, feel every twitch of it as though they were full thrusts.

A minute or two more, you think, and you're going to really, _really_ enjoy this.

"K. Look at him."

If you weren't stunned to silence by opening your eyes, you might have complained with a flushed face about the name.

Instead, you only see Bokuto.

His head is turned upwards, tendons visible beneath his skin, stretching down from his clenched jaw. The muscles of his chest are tight and straining, and his skin is splashed with red from his throat to his elbows. Beads of sweat run down from his neck, streaks on his skin showing the path each drop took along his chest and stomach. He is panting-

Actually, wait.

Yeah no, he is definitely hyperventilating.

"Bo-kun?! Are you alright?"

His mouth opens, but nothing comes out except a few heavy gasps, and then he stops breathing entirely.

This... seems like it might be worse.

"Ahh, he's fine." Kuroo can apparently sense your worry, but at least _he_ seems confident. It doesn't do much to ease your concern over the way Bokuto's eyes appear to be rolling back into his skull though, and neither does Kuroo's clarification that, "I mean, he will be. Once he starts breathing again."

_Very helpful._

"Hey, did you know it's impossible to hold your breath until you die?" You hear him scratch the side of his head. "So, I guess he'll just... pass out?"

As good a time as that sounds, you grab Bokuto's arm with one hand and his face with the other, jiggling his cheek to try and put an end to this weirdly vacant-yet-intense unblinking stare directly into and through your soul he is doing.

You feel Kuroo bend over to rest his head on your shoulder, and he catches Bokuto's eye for less than a second before they are back on you.

"You look so fucking good right now bro."

Is _this_ what brings Bokuto back to reality?

"Kichan-"

Yes. Obviously.

"Bo-kun are you alright?"

And the floodgates, are opened.

"Wh- yeah? 'Course I, oh. Oh no, crap are you ok? I did it so bad I, did I hurt you? Am I hurting you right now?! _Ohh_ or does it feel, good now? I feel so good-I mean you. Feel so... feels really good. Ah, but sorry I-"

"I feel awesome, Bo-kun."

He makes a little sound and his lips purse, but the lost hazy look is gone from his eyes and he is immediately more, Bokuto-ey.

You feel your walls clench around him, and this is the magic of the human body because sweet, heavenly, _fuck_. Two minutes ago you weren't sure this was even physically possible, but now-

"Uwahhh! Sstop! Stop, don't. Don't do th _aahhh_ -"  
"Whats wrong?!"  
"I can't no, I won't. I'm not, not that quic _crahhhp_ -"

Ooh. Whew.

"Well I'm not doing it on _purpose_."

You _could_ though...

"Ahhaa, _Kichaaaanmm_!"

"That time it _was_ on purpose, wasn't it. Damn brat."

 _Damn Kuroo_ for calling you out, but now that Bokuto remembers language and you're the one vibrating with the desire to _move already_ , he sits back down.

"Can I move, Bo-kun?"

"No way. I can't. Absolutely n-please do it. _Ahh_ , do it."

Your feet lock around beneath his knees, you push yourself up, and you would bet cold hard cash no one could have picked out which one of you was the damn virgin.

You really shouldn't have acted so cocky earlier.

One long drag of him out of you, until you feel the tug of his head as it starts to pull out, and then a smooth drop back down to sit on him, and somehow Bokuto manages to turn the tables on you.

" _Ohwah_ , yep. OK. Alright Kichan, more. Again. Come on you, you can go ffaster, right? Feels so good, so, so... up and down again, ok? Give me more. Ah-please, I mean."

Kuroo lets out a breathy laugh. "Well fuck. You heard the man Ero-chan. Shit."

That you did.

If Bokuto wants more, then how much can he take?

You start to pull your body up again, and are slammed with the humbling reminder that you are not exactly in the position to be thinking things like that.

How much can _you_ take?


	8. Who You Callin' Stupid, Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I told you it would end.  
> Eventually.

**EVENTUALLY PART END:  
** **Who You Callin' Stupid, Stupid**

How much can _you_ take?

You fuck Bokuto slowly. Consistent drags of him in and out of you, rhythmic, memorizing the feel and the sound of his quick, needy moans.

"Bokkun." Your eyes are unfocused, but seeking out his. "You, you're making me feel-"

There is a pretty big difference between a 'sound' and a 'noise.'

Bokuto makes a noise. "D-don't say anything! I'm, I'm trying to... to think. Or concer- ffocus." He whines, huffing out an almost annoyed breath. "It feels too damn good."

He really doesn't have anything to be concerned about, considering you could probably come just as quickly.

A weirdly deep voice in your head tells you to _find out how fast you can make him scream_. You ignore it and continue your slow, even pace, riding and watching him, committing him to memory.

The hand on your ass is Kuroo's, and he somehow looks about as fucked out as you and Bokuto surely do.

He's done a lot tonight though, so he shouldn't have to use his own hand.

" _Ah_ , fucking shit fuck."

Kuroo's cursing and moans when you wrap your hand around him and start stroking in time with the up-down pace you've set draws Bokuto's attention.

" _Bro_. It feels really good. Feels really, really good. Wha. Ah, whoa. It's super, crazy good. I mean it feels _soo_ -"

"Good? _Mn_. She's so tight on you huh? You're really, _fuck_ , stretching her out." He wets his lips. "I kind of hate you a little bit right now actually Bo."

You aren't really capable of thinking, it just pours out.

"You should. This is, I mean _fuck_. Bokuto-san, you're unbelievable."

Bokuto gets this pained sort of smirk on his face at that. "You, _ahhh_ , you hear that, Kuro? _Ah_ , did you hear what she said?"

"Yeah, yeah. Koutaro Bokuto, ace of fucking. I, _ah_ , heard it."

"Heh, I'm not even actually do, _ooh_ ing anything though you know? Feels so good it's like, it's stupid. I mean, it's like, the best. _Ahhh_ -"

All you can hear, the only sounds in the room, are a backdrop of blissful breaths and soft, pleasured noises, and the quiet sounds of wet skin sliding and pulling.

Though, it _is_ accented by constant rambling from Bokuto, who must have wired all of his concentration towards not coming, so his thoughts are just falling straight through his brain and out of his mouth like tossing marbles down a slide.

_"Ah, I want it faster, I want it so- so hard. No don't move, I can't yet. I'm, ah damn this is too hard. I can't, mmm, but I'm not, I want more. You should, oh. Feels so good-"_

It's about time for Kuroo to start fucking shit up.

"Too good?"

You wrench a pathetic sound from Kuroo with a twist of your hand for teasing Bokuto at a time like this.

"Eh?"

He learns nothing from it. "You gonna come, _Bokkun_? Wanna come, right?"

"Whu-I'm not!" Bokuto grumbles. "If you say something like that, it gets harder you know."

Yeah, he knows.

"Ah, _fuck_. Just think Bo, how good it will feel when you push in as deep as you can and let go." Only his own moaning can prevent Kuroo from continuing, and only briefly. "I bet you want to take over. You, _ah_ , gonna come right now?"

As soon as this is over, you're starting a petition to have Kuroo's dark, teasing, way too fucking sexy tone of voice _fucking outlawed_.

"How close, Bokuto?"

Instead of words, Bokuto makes this pitch-shifting _hmMmmNnnNnn_ noise.

Fucking Kuroo. You probably don't have much longer.

"No!" You push your hands against Bokuto's chest, bouncing his back against the couch. "Bo-kun, you can keep going. You're uh, an _ace_ aren't you? He's fucking with you. You're making me feel really, really good too, so don't come yet, ok?"

_Not yet._

" _Mn_. A-ace? Right. I'm not gonna c- _ahhh_ -come. S'too quick. Want to keep, _mnn_ \- making you feel g _oooo_ -"

"So good Bo-kun. You're such a good b-"

"FFFF-"

_Ah, crap._

"- _ahh_ nnnno. No. Just stop m- _ah-_ oving, stop."

Digging for his breath back, Bokuto finally peels his fingers from the furniture and puts them on you.

Unfortunately, it is not with any less pressure.

"Bo-kun! Ow!"  
"Shhh! _Don't_ move!"  
"You're-"  
"Shhhhhppffft! Stop moving!"

A certified grade-goddammit quality Kuroo-brand sigh. "Kou," he starts.

"Sorry. Sorry Kichan." Bokuto's grip on your waist loosens slightly, but you aren't sure he actually heard either of you, and might have just noticed how tight it had been from looking at his own hands.

At any other time, you would be able to see Bokuto getting an idea as it showed itself in his expression, but right now... well.

There is that whole, brain-to-mouth leakage thing going on.

"Just _let_ me, you're doing everything. I'm gonna do it now. _Ahnn_ , I mean, can I do it?"

Your lips might start bleeding from the force of bite it takes to stop yourself from grinning like a deranged lunatic.

You make an astonished gasp and put your hand to your chest like some southern belle with delicate sensibilities. "You want to _fuck_ me, Bokuto-san?"

His eyelids flutter like the words physically assaulted him, and how the hell are you supposed to fuck with someone who looks like that?

"Do whatever you want, Bo-kun."

A bit cautiously, his hands slide beneath you, cupping your ass, and he lifts you up.

 _Quite_ unlike your own movements, he lifts you _all_ the way up.

You let go of Kuroo, since you most likely weren't doing _that_ job very well anyway, and dig your nails into Bokuto's shoulders at the feeling of having him pull almost completely out of you, just barely staying connected. Your back arches, and you prepare for the push back down.

Only, that isn't what happens.

Rather than dropping or pulling you back down onto him, Bokuto lifts his own damn ass the hell off the couch and _pushes up_.

He holds you up with his hands beneath your ass, and just straight the fuck up _fucks_ you.

He holds you still, thumbs digging into your thighs, and pushes himself back inside until you're sure he can't anymore, then a bit more.

You think, distantly, that you may have _screeched_.

He sits back down, more like _drops_ , pulling out of you again quickly. Repeats the motion a few more times, smoothly and the tiniest bit faster.

 _What.  
_ _Thee.  
_ _Fuck._

Five minutes ago, it seemed like this guy could have probably come from a strong wind.

Bokuto can't even _say_ fuck!

Yet here you are, barely able to hold up your own head and it doesn't matter because he's got you, and how could you have ever thought it would be you fucking Bokuto, and not the other way around?

_Wha-what ARE you, Bokuto-san?_

You collapse forward against him, arms circling his neck with your forehead pressed against his chest, giving up entirely and just letting him, _Bokuto_ , utterly _take_ you.

Your famous last words are really just an offhand observation.

"I li- _literally_ can't believe how good you're fucking me, K-Bo. So good."

Maybe the near-disastrous attempt to call out for both of them at the same time (definitely not the _wrong_ one, _yikes_ ) sounded a bit like you said _Kou_ , because if there is a single expression that could perfectly portray the idea of a record scratch, it is Bokuto's.

His pace is obliterated, his motions becoming the equivalent of smashing piano keys with your elbows, and he wraps his arms around you like he might be trying to squeeze the last few drops of your brain out of the top of your head. His thighs come up to trap you against him, and Bokuto pulls you down _hard_.

You think he might be trying to push his dick _through_ you, and also that you can't be sure it wouldn't be possible.

His eyes squeeze shut so tightly the skin beside them blanches, and a sharp, chopped cry falls out of his mouth as his body curves in on itself.

It is the sweetest, most tortured, most un-Bokuto sound you have ever heard, and you have heard many, many Bokuto sounds.

It's the sound of being forced to give up a hard fought battle. The release of exhaustion and exertion as you make one last, desperate attempt to stave off impending defeat and survive for just that one second longer despite knowing, beyond any hope, that you've already lost - and he might as well have made it with his lips pressed against your clit, because that is exactly where you feel it.

Even though all he can do now is let out the deep breath he was holding and give in, even though his strength seems to leave him entirely, Bokuto shakes his head _no_ against the end of this, even as it collapses back against the couch. Even as he sloppily, mindlessly continues to slide and pull you along his length, knowing he's bringing about his own demise as he does so, a fighter to the bitter end.

Bokuto grits his teeth against it, but the defeat comes.

You can see it on his face, and after that, you get to hear it.

" _Fuu-Ki_ , I'm coming. I, _ah_ god I'm c- _fuck!_ Ssorry I can' _tahh-_ "

His back arches, and it's as though someone pressed Bokuto's mute button, just before he could let out a scream.

You know a fair few people who would be willing to pay good money to find out where that is.

You can hear yourself crying out, because he feels good and he looks good and you aren't sure which you like more, and you can hear the quick, wet slip of Kuroo's hand over himself, and his little wrecked noises too.

So full of him, you can feel Bokuto's orgasm vicariously through his dick, feel the pulsing of his cock pushing come into you as it twitches.

Coming down from it, his whole body twitches.

His tongue flops out of his mouth as his eyes shut on a long, sinfully satisfied moan, and Bokuto finally seems to catch his breath with an _adorably_ satisfied _hmmn_.

After about two seconds, his eyes pop open like someone just yelled _fire!_

Bokuto was probably about to start freaking out about some failure or error he suddenly worries he might have made, but instead he is startled, possibly terrified, by the sight of you and Kuroo, who are staring at him unblinking like possessed demonic sex creatures, most likely foaming at the mouth and spewing blood from your noses and every other place on a body that blood can possibly be spewed from.

You don't think about why Bokuto seems to so easily take this sight in stride, as if it were a commonplace occurrence or something, as he lets his eyes drift halfway shut, completely nonplussed.

The room seems to spin, and you might be losing your grip on reality because when Kuroo whispers beside your head, "that was the absolute _sexiest_ fucking goddamn thing I have ever fucking seen in my entire, pathetic fucking life," you can't be sure if it came from your mouth or his, because it is _exactly_ what you were thinking, and suspiciously complex.

Bokuto gives a cheer that makes you kind of want to murder him because _a_ _thing that cute is clearly too dangerous to exist_ , raiding his fists weakly in the air with a dopey, fucked-out smile on his face.

"I did it."

It's a good thing he doesn't know quite how much destructive power he really has.

Bokuto (and you) don't get much time to bask in his afterglow in peace.

You don't exactly enjoy calling the movements you and Kuroo make towards each other 'frantic desperate scrambling,' but you don't call spades _sporks_ either.

Kuroo leans down to pull your face to his, and bites your bottom lip. He pushes his tongue into your mouth, and maybe the bastard is just trying to steal your spit because his has gone dry, but it still feels like fire.

He gives himself long, tight strokes as he stands, and when you look from your seat on top of Bokuto up to his face, you think _so tall now, Tets'kun_ , and aren't really sure why.

You are forced to remember that Kuroo is much better at evil grins than you are, and also is just more evil than you are in general, when he pushes your hair out of your face, whispers " _cute_ ," and you immediately kind of really want him to say it again.

_Ah, that must be it._

You've been, quite literally, fucked stupid.

With a thumb on your bottom lip, he pulls your mouth open with an embarrassingly small ( _read: absolutely none_ ) amount of resistance, and rests his cockhead on your tongue, stroking himself faster.

His other hand reaches down, to where you can feel Bokuto's come starting to drip out of you and back onto him, and he rubs two fingers, wet with your own need and Bokuto's, messily over your clit.

It ain't pretty, but it works.

You can hear Kuroo letting out short, sharp breaths in time with his hand, _ah, ah, ah_ , then a longer, choppy _ahhnn_ , before he's switched it up to _oh_ and _now, ok?_ and his come is hitting your tongue.

Your mouth opens in a silent scream as you mindlessly rock your hips on Bokuto and against Kuroo's fingers. Bokuto's hands squeeze your thighs, you feel him twitch inside you as your walls tense on him, and a stray spray of Kuroo's come hits your cheek when your mouth - open and gasping - fails to capture it.

You fucking _ascend_.

Then, you fall.

Legs shaking, you pull yourself off of Bokuto with a groan and toss yourself backwards.

Kuroo expects it, hands at your back cushioning the fall as you drop onto the carpet, sweating and sucking in deep breaths.

You can't say for sure how long you just lay there, head spinning yet completely empty.

You feel a hand on your wrist, your forehead, probably checking for a fever, or a pulse, but you're lightheaded, not dying. Nothing but a bit out of breath, and completely, beautifully content.

In the back of your mind you know there is shuffling around, a bit of light conversation, an _are you sure she's not dead?_ and a quick _you better fucking hope not, huh Bo?_ in response.

You're floating somewhere closer to planet Earth when a shadow blocks out what little light was managing to leak through your eyelids, and it's a real shame that pleasant light-blocker had to also be incredibly annoying.

"Ah. What a mess."

You peek one eye open and spot Kuroo standing over you, hair hanging into his eyes, shadows covering every part of his face aside from that gods forsaken much-too pleased with himself grin.

It would take far too much effort to roll them, so you just close your eyes again.

" _You're_ a fuckin' mess."

Kuroo is unaffected by this sickest of burns, and simply leans over, offering a hand to help you off the floor.

You take it, but not without trying to yank him down with you first. Damn bastard and his damn arms, just pulls you right up onto your feet.

"You better hope Bo is just blind and there actually _is_ something in this room that can clean the come off you, _Ero_ -chan."

Oh, _fuck_.

With that thought, you take a roll of paper towel to the face.

"Hey- oh! Sorry. Ha."

You can't even be annoyed, too thankful it exists.

You clean yourself off the best you can with what you've got, all while trying to fight off Kuroo's gross attempts to give you a licked-thumb mom-facewash.

You'll have to shower before going back to bed.

You yawn.

Maybe in the morning.

The three of you stumble around for a few minutes, looking for scattered bits of clothing throughout the room. Bokuto finds your underwear on a basket of plastic fruit, and you find Kuroo's shirt under a chair.

Kuroo, you are ninety-nine percent sure, doesn't actually help at all, and is just wandering aimlessly around the room pretending he isn't half asleep where he stands.

The atmosphere is light and comfortable, but still a bit heady as you all gradually dress yourselves with the items you find on this fucked up, post-coital, easter egg hunt.

Kuroo has now given up pretense and collapsed into a chair while you and Bokuto look for the last missing piece – the lazy bastard's phone.

It's playful. You all mutter out artificial frustrations and teasing words, but mostly you're trying not to think about how the first night of the first camp of your last year is over. That you have one less day now, and tomorrow will be another X on the calendar, and eventually the whole thing will just be red X's and memories, and the path to that point starts right now.

You shake your head, and hope for their sake they aren't thinking the same.

"Did you have fun?"

Bokuto looks at you like you just asked him what two plus two is, and there is a very short list of expressions you would prefer to see on literally anyone other than Bokuto's face - first on that list is this one, and you'll think of some others later.

"Duh."

He didn't actually _say_ 'what are you, stupid?' So why does it _feel_ like he did?

He wiggles his eyebrows. "Why, wanna do it again?"

You punch him and grin. "Sorry, I don't have two minutes."

Bokuto starts reaching for you for some kind of attack, but Kuroo facepalms both of you, pushing you apart before it connects.

"Tired. Go. Later talk. Sleep is now."

_There he is._

"Ohhh. Useless zombie."

"Yep. Night Kuro-kun."

The three of you leave the room, and _good lord if the people who used it next only knew_ , Kuroo offering a halfhearted, lazy wave behind him as he shuffles off.

You and Bokuto head left, taking the stairwell that leads to where Fukurodani and the girl's rooms are.

You let Bokuto rest his arm on top of your head, which, by the way, only a very special few of these gigantic bastards are ever allowed to do without facing serious repercussions, and he lets you slouch against him like a human crutch.

Everything is quiet except whatever sounds the two of you create to fill the void.

"Guess I'm pretty lucky, huh Kichan?"

"You're goddamn right you are-" is your immediate response, but once you actually process what he said, "what do you mean?"

"Hmm." The gears in his head whir to life, and he scratches his ear. "Well... you guys are each other's favorite, and, you wanted me to have your favorite thing too. Sort of like that, I guess? You know, like what Konoha always says. Sharing is cool!"

Bokuto seems satisfied with his statement, and stretches his arms out above his head as he slowly takes the stairs two at a time.

"Yep. You guys are super cool friends. I love you guys."

He's almost made it all the way to the top of the steps before stopping to look back at you with a curious expression, not noticing that you needed _a fucking moment please_ in order to process everything that just came out of his mouth.

What you _don't_ need to know, are the circumstances in which Konoha is saying this, specifically to Bokuto, but you're just going to need to forget about that for _ever_.

You decide to start off with something easy.

"Ya love you too Bokkun, listen. Sharing is _caring_."

"Caring is cool too, yeah. Exactly, you get it."

"Wha? Uhg." Just, move on. It's all you can do. "What the hell are you talking about? Don't you know about _friends with benefits_?"

"Uh-"

"Wait, of course you do. There's that movie isn't there? Akaashi-san probably made you watch it with him."

"Well yeah bu-"

 _Ohhh_ yeah. Akaashi's deepest, darkest secret? He has seen every crappy romantic comedy ever made, and the dark part is that he fucking _loves_ them. Bokuto always falls asleep during movies (seriously, it's like he was programmed to do it), so he doesn't care what gets put on, and you can't think of anything Bokuto wouldn't do if Akaashi asked anyways, so he generally gets sucked into watching them with him. Lucky for everyone else, and maybe Akaashi too, because Bokuto makes for pretty good company when he's all quiet and sleepy-eyed and cute. It's one of your favorite Bokuto forms.

"It doesn't matter, I'm just saying. You don't need to say stupid things like that. Kuro-kun isn't mine to _share_ and I'm not his, so it sounds really lame if you say thanks or something."

"Hm. If you say s-"

"Me and Kuro-kun should probably be thanking _you_ to be honest. I mean- hey wait! You're supposed to be good with this kind of thing! You've got that creepy, Bokuto-perception-radar."

"Huh? _Ohh_. You mean like how I know you had a crush on Oikawa in first year?"

"Ye- _what?!_ "

It wasn't really so much a crush as it was a _disgusting level of thirst_ , but this is a Bokuto-translation, and you didn't even tell the girls about that.

Hell, you're barely willing to admit that to yourself.

"You, haven't told anyone that, right?"  
"'Course not, why would I?"  
"Eh- _rright_."  
"You were really obvious about it so..."

That is absolutely, unequivocally untrue. Factually even, and not because you think you were amazing at hiding it or anything, but because there is no possible way in _hell_ you wouldn't have been, and still _be_ getting endless shit from literally everyone on the fucking planet if it were the case.

Shaking your head, you start moving again, taking the steps slowly to meet back with Bokuto at the top.

"You're kind of scary sometimes Bo-kun. You're a really cool friend too though, you know that? Top three, for sure. I mean, out of anywhere. Even space."

"Duh."

You and Bokuto assume walking position, holding each other up as you tiredly amble down the hallway to your rooms.

When you're almost at yours, Bokuto pauses, because he hasn't yet exhausted his desire to fuck with your head, apparently.

"Ten-chan is your most favorite-favorite person though, isn't he?"

"Yes." No question. "I love Satori most, it is known."

"Kill all of us to save one Tendou, I know." He rolls his eyes, and then gets this serious look on his face. "It's really obvious you know, because of how you look when you guys are doing weird lame stuff together."

_Uh, rude?_

He gets a thought, and continues. "It's also really easy to tell what you're thinking when you play songs, so I don't think I have a radar." He shuffles you the rest of the way to your room, and pats your head once you're standing in front of the door.

Bokuto gives you his goodnight by offering you a squinty-eyed smile that says he thinks he knows something you don't, and that expression is getting added to the _fucking list_.

"I think it might actually be you who doesn't know what friends with benefits means, Ki-chan."

Is _cryptic idiot_ an oxymoron? You'll have to ask Kuroo, but if it isn't, it probably should be.

With that, Bokuto puts a finger over his mouth to shush you just as yours opens to shout at him, only nothing comes out anyways because you aren't even sure how to respond. 

Bokuto walks backwards like that to the end of the hall, smiling eyes looking too smug for his own good, until he bumps into the wall, at which point he turns around in an embarrassed huff, walks normally the rest of the way, then closes himself behind the door, slamming it loud enough to wake Akaashi for sure, if no one else.

He leaves you standing alone in the hallway so twisted up in the head wondering what exactly he was trying to say with everything he just unloaded on you that you feel a little dizzy trying to sort it all out.

Eh, its probably just because you're literally about to pass out right here on the tile floor.

You shake it out, opening your own door as quietly as possible, more worried now about not waking any of the girls up than you are about whatever it was he meant by all that.

Besides, its Bokuto. So it was probably stupid anyway.

As you lie down that night on your futon, you review and replay the moments that made it. You etch them into your mind so that even when all three of you, so different from who you are tonight, end up returning to this exact place a few years from now, you'll remember it down to the way your skin feels sticky from the sweat as you fall asleep beneath your sheet.

The next morning, you wake up late.


	9. The True Power of an Angry Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the next day.  
> The slice of life becomes a whole ass pie.

**YOUNGISH PART ONE:  
** **The True Power of an Angry Dad**

The next morning you wake up late, and it is not from blearily wiping warm sunrays from your eyes as it skitters in through the cracks in the blinds, nor are you softly tickled out of your slumber by the gentle sounds of birdsong pouring in through the windows.

Because obviously neither of those fucking things are even happening, and that's how Disney princesses wake up, not crusty morning-after disasters like you, who really should have taken that shower last night.

Instead, you are woken straight out of a dead sleep into sitting position, wide-eyed and clutching at your chest as your heart attempts to escape your body, when the girl's room door gets smashed open with what _sounds_ like the force of a thousand fucking orcs trying to break through the gates of Helm's Deep and a desperate cry for,

_"HELP!"_

Once you're slightly more conscious, you might try to figure out whether or not you'd have preferred a thousand fucking orcs, over one fucking Kuroo.

Kuroo slides halfway across the floor on the too-long leg of his pajama pants when he bursts in, looking so awake that you are momentarily _genuinely_ angry that he has the gall to even _exist_. His eyes dart around in a flustered panic before he spots you, at which point he immediately tackles you a good five meter distance into the wall, rolling you up in your sheets like a bed-headed, crusty-eyed caterpillar.

He's jostling you about, and seems to be maneuvering your near-lifeless body into a position that might be easier for him to hide behind.

From what exactly you aren't sure...

Until Akaashi saunters in, and you're no longer even slightly bothered by Kuroo, too preoccupied with tamping down a flaming burst of unbidden rage that screams _what sort of fucking psychopath saunters at this time of day_ , because it could be three in the afternoon for all you know, which, to be fair, is one of the more reasonable times of day to be sauntering if one really must do so.

Also, Akaashi is just that effortless (dick) type of pretty, it's not his fault ( _dick_ ), and when you get a good look at his face, it kind of looks like he's only been up for an hour himself, and already dealt with more bullshit than one second year should have to in a lifetime.

He scans the room, leveling you and Kuroo with a bored glare. "Would either of you happen to know why I might have been woken up this morning by Bokuto-san asking me to participate in a deluge of sexual activities that were not only extremely varied, but also _startlingly_ creative?"

Hm. So it _is_ possible to choke on air.

"Uh, Akaashi-san, I don't kn-"  
"It means a great quantity."  
"Deluge? Really? Why?"  
"It's like, a bible word I think."  
"Huh?"  
"It means flood, or like a shitload of rai-"

" _God_ , please." Akaashi interrupts you and Kuroo with an impatient groan and a long-suffering sigh. "I'm glad to have incited this little knowledge building exercise, but I _really_ do not think _deluge_ was the most critical aspect of what I just said."

_Is, is Akaashi-san... whining?!_

"Ah. Well you see Akaashi-san, what happened wa-"

Many, many aspects of the past two minutes' events have brought you to a place awake enough, at the very least, to slap a hand over Kuroo's mouth. "Heh! It uhm, it isn't really _our_ place to say what's going on in that guy's head, you know?" Your sputtering is interspersed with awkward, forced chuckles. "What a wacky guy, that Bo-kun. Who can really ever tell what he's thinking, am I right?"

Akaashi seems unimpressed.

Like, more unimpressed than standard Akaashi, even.

"So _that's_ what this is about. _Hueheh_."

You wonder for a moment why the hell Kuroo had been running if Akaashi didn't even say anything to him yet, but quickly realize _hang on, I literally do not even a little bit want to know_.

"So uhm... did you happen to maybe ask _him_ about it, Akaashi-san?"

"Mm. Bokuto-san informed me that if I were to _engage_ in these... _suggestions_ with him, it would be similar to occasions we have... spent, time together previously, but, would also include a certain, _ahem_ , release for, for the both of us."

Well _that_ language is suspiciously proper, even for Akaashi, but you suppose the translation makes sense since you think it might have sounded more like-

_AGGAHLSSSHGII! Wanna gimmie a blowie? What?! It's not weird! It's just like regular hanging out, except also with ORGASMS! Awee! But, I said I'd do you too..._

You are a good person deep (deep) down, and thus are not imagining anything of the sort. You definitely are _not_ picturing what Akaashi's stoic demeanor may have devolved into in response to whatever these 'startlingly creative' ideas Bokuto came up with could have been, and therefore, you do not laugh (out loud).

Kuroo, being human garbage, snorts. "Interesting. What a funny guy." He stands, apparently no longer afraid for his life, and pulls his pants up so they stop dragging over the ground. "Where does he even come up with this stuff? I mean, seriously." He stretches his arms over his head, cracking his back. "Anyways... so what did you tell him, Akaashi?"

_If it isn't too early to be a pervert, it can't possibly be too early to saunter. Sorry 'Kaashi._

"Well I... I, didn't say anything." Akaashi sighs, looking like this admittance is heavy on him. "I just walked away and went to find Kuroo-san. And now I'm here, obviously."

Stupid adorable Akaashi making you want to pinch his cheeks until they fall off, but also being scary enough that there is no way you'd ever actually try it.

And _of course_. It seems Akaashi has just, quite literally, 'woken up like this.'

In contrast, you are ninety-nine-point-ten percent sure _you_ look like the thing children are afraid lives beneath their bed, and comes out to eat toenails at night. What, a fucking _dick_.

Akaashi does still look like he's expecting some kind of explanation for this _literally unanswerable_ question, but Kuroo manages to save you both.

"Well would you look at the time..."

 _No_ , he is not wearing a watch, and no, you are not surprised that he looks at his wrist as if he's shocked by what he sees there.

"Looks like we all woke up late this morning! Don't want to be late... for break... fast..." Kuroo trails off, eyes widening as he realizes something in abject horror. "Akaashi-san? Does this mean, Bo is already. _Shit._ You two better hurry up or that fat fuck is going to leave us with nothing."

After a quick shower, because even you aren't quite that gross, you race at your personal maximum speed to breakfast, because as rude as it was, Bokuto will _literally_ eat everything that isn't already on someone's plate, and even then, it's best to stay on guard.

You're still barely awake as you grab yourself some food from what's left of the spread, grinning over a plate full of home fries and a bottle of-

"Hey, Kirei-chan. Did you know drinking vinegar in that disgusting way you do can actually caus-"

Kuroo, in the time that you've known (put up with) him, has began a great many of his great many sentences with the phrase, _did you know_.

To his credit, a significant majority of the time your answer is no, but maybe Kuroo, just to mix things up a bit, should at some point try including another word or two in the question, and just as a quick example off the top of your head, _want to_ , might fit quite well if it were placed right between the _you_ and the _know_.

Sure, your answer would still be the same either way, but it's always fun trying new things, right?

"I'm gonna need you to not. Unless... did you _want to_ know the effects of having this entire bottle poured directly into your eyes?"

"I think I'll be fine with my significantly less tangible knowledge of that, thanks." He smirks, and you wonder if there might be lessons in threatening people you can take, because yours clearly are not effective. "If you ate like a human being rather than a _raccoon_ , you would probably feel less like a massive piece of shit when you wake up, did you know that?"

Perhaps to balance the karmic scales after the truly glorious experience you were granted last night, you are allowed about twelve seconds of contentment after sitting down before your suffering once again proves to be relentless, nosy, and quite frankly, cruel.

And it's name is Tooru Oikawa.

"Boku-chan? What happened here?" Oikawa fakes concern, as he so often does because he is obviously the actual _worst_ , and tugs at Bokuto's shirt. "Oh my god?! Did something _attack_ you?!"

Damn Bokuto and his damn shitty t-shirt, and damn Oikawa straight to hell for being such an instigating, smug little shit.

Beautiful idiot that he is, Bokuto either doesn't catch on to the fact that Oikawa is clearly trying to create a scandal, which is difficult to believe because Oikawa only _does_ three things, and those things are play volleyball, annoy Iwaizumi, and try to create scandals (in that order), or he just doesn't have the brain power right now to consider maybe not every single person on the entire fucking _planet_ needed to know what you, him and Kuroo were up to last night.

"Huh? Ohhh. You mean these."

Bokuto tugs the collar of his shirt down further-

_Wait just, hang on. For the love of fucking fu-, is he literally doing this right now? He- yep. Yeah, he is literally fucking doing this right now._

Bokuto tugs the _fucking_ collar of his _fucking_ shirt down _fucking_ further, exposing more of his chest and the marks you distinctly remember placing with a great deal of care specifically to avoid exactly _this_ , and you think it might have been a better idea to have just pushed him down the stairs on your way back to your rooms last night, because a bit of jail time seems like it would be a more positive experience than the fallout bound to come from what's happening right now.

The crowd responds with a chorus of scandalized gasps and shocked stares.

 _Well he ASKED_ , you respond mentally to the thought that you may have gone a little overboard.

Jaws are dropping around the table on everyone, including you and Kuroo, but not Bokuto of course, who stands at the center of this disaster he's creating looking like he's just been asked to describe the flavor of unseasoned chicken.

"Kichan gave'm t'mee." Bokuto swallows, rather than continuing to talk with his mouth full. "Ah, when we were doing it last night."

_Why._

Why those words? Why the _yeah it's like, whatever_ , tone of voice, and why the FUCK did that sentence have the same energy as a fucking _your mom_ joke?

Your forehead was already yearning to hit the table the moment Oikawa showed up and started flapping his lips, but Kuroo is somehow surprised by this turn of events.

"What, the everliving _fuck_ bro?!"

Bokuto squints, confused for a moment before adding, "oh right," before he turns back towards Oikawa to clarify, "Kuro was there too," and continues eating like he hasn't just called a fucking _drone strike_ on the damn breakfast table.

Yes, _that_ was the part we were concerned about.

At least even Oikawa is stunned into silence.

Bokuto either doesn't notice or _care_ that anything might be off, but as you peek around the table, you see that everyone aside from Kuroo and Oikawa, who are death-glaring at each other, is staring at you, them, or Bokuto, in varying states of disbelief and/or disgust.

Inuoka and Morisuke are beet red with embarrassment and rage respectively, but you don't know how learning _this_ special bit of information about their captain has surprised them. Akaashi's eyes are trained on your face like he might be able to burn the word _liar_ into your forehead with a look, and Matsukawa and Hanamaki, actually? Those two just seem confused. Sugawara isn't even sitting with you, but you can hear him _gutting_ himself from two tables away while Azumane, who was respectfully _not_ eavesdropping, or at the very least kindly pretending he wasn't, pats his back to try and make sure he doesn't choke.

You hope he does.

Really, the only saving grace of this entire morning so far is that at least Iwaiz-

"Sure hope you're not scared of needles Bokuto. Gonna need a fuckin' rabies shot."

Bokuto's eyebrows raise in terror as he starts to say _oh my god but I AM afraid of needles_ , but you can't be bothered with him right now because _that fucking dick!_

"Iwa-chan! That's _so mean_."

Oikawa's playful smirk and the limp-handed slap to Iwaizumi's back as he slumps down at the table with his food doesn't really make you feel like he was trying to stick up for you, which makes sense not only because he wasn't, but also because he never would.

On a good day, and if he might get something out of it, Tooru Oikawa both would and _has_ defended you with a downright _shocking_ amount of viciousness - but never from that guy _,_ and that's an absolute.

Oh well. Nothing wakes you up like Iwaizumi-induced murder-vision anyway.

"Morning _Iwa-chan_ , are you offering to share _your_ lifetime supply of rabies shots with Bo-kun? It's so _kind_ of you to sacrifice a night of taking Oi-kun's _dick_ in your _a_ -ahhhgsspft!?"

For a few seconds after you are picked up like a bad kitten by the back of your shirt with a hand slapped over your mouth, you are too startled to struggle.

"Finally. It's about damn time _someone_ put a fucking muzzle on her."

 _Resume_ attack mode.

Your eyes widen and you reach your arms out as far as you can, but you're really just kicking and grabbing at air, trying to eek out hand-muffled curses.

No one felt the need to neuter Iwaizumi this way, so that clearly is _not_ fair, and you do what must be done in this type of situation - the only thing you can do.

"Owah! She fucking bit me!"

"Did I not _just_ say it needed a muzzle?"

"YOU TALK SO MUCH SHIT IWAIZUMI YOU NEED A DOUCHE FOR THE OTHER END! ARE YOU LIKE THIS BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN USING THE SAME ONE FOR YOUR MOUTH AND AS-GGLLFTHKFFFT!?"

 _Muzzled_ again, but at least Iwaizumi is red in the face and glaring, forming tense fists on the table.

So, you'll count this as a win for you.

"Eat _shit_ you dumb _cu_ -kkfftfk!?"

 _Suck it stupid Iwa-chan_ , you think, only seconds before realizing that maybe you shouldn't, because the smug expression on your face doesn't exactly look right on a person who is currently dangling limply a foot off the ground by their shirt collar.

And speaking of being held up by the shirt collar, who the _fu_ -ohhh.

 _Shit_.

Dark eyes, stupid hair, and emanating an aura of _I've had it up to here with you kids_ , who else could it be besides Sawamura?

So, crap. That would also be why Iwaizumi looks the way he does, and not, as you suspected, because you finally got the bastard scared of you.

"How's about we all just take a deep, centering breath, pretend we're adults, and try not to traumatize the first years, specifically _my_ first years, on the second day of their first training camp. How does that sound? Do you think you all might be able to handle that?"

It is honest-to-god _impressive_ that only one of you accidentally says _yes Dad-chi_.

Whatever he's doing might actually be working, and honestly? He should be proud of you guys.

Sawamura sets you back onto the ground, decidedly _lacking_ in any sort of pride. Oikawa slips his hand away from Iwaizumi's mouth in the grossest way imaginable, and Kuroo wipes his on your shirt because you know what, yeah. You're going to bite when you need to bite.

After the chorus of agreement from everyone at the table, a _what did I do_ from Bokuto that gets shut down instantly, and only the tiniest of glares between you and Iwaizumi before you both get smacked in the back of the head, you all dump your plates and scurry off silently to wherever you each need to be that morning.

Mostly silently. "You two are the reason the rest of us can't have nice things, you know that right?"

"Shut _up_ Suga!"

After a morning of running around in circles that leaves you desperate for the break if not the food at lunch, you find a dejected-mode Bokuto eating grumpily (yes, he can do that) under a tree with Kuroo and Kenma.

You flop down onto the grass with them, tired, still riled up from the morning, and now disappointed because while bugging Bokuto about flapping his lips immediately would have probably cheered you up, you can't exactly do that when he's already experiencing some vague type of Boku-inner-turmoil.

Luckily, two friendly faces arrive to take the last bit of shade beneath the tree.

"You guys _suuure_ are quiet today."  
"Pft! Didn't you hear? Daichi grounded 'em."  
"Ooof. Harsh!"

Technically speaking, it's really only you that was grounded, so not only is it just plain mean, but also not even _accurate_ when Kenma drawls out a bored,

"Could you, not put me in the same group as them, thanks."

You'll allow it, because Kenma, but also because it's starting to look like there might be a chance to save this day after all.

"Well _heeey_ there Tana-kun, Noya."

When you speak next, Tanaka, Nishinoya and Kuroo all look just about as evil as you do, Bokuto at least turns his head to glance over despite remaining all glassy-eyed and distant, and Kenma just rolls his eyes.

"I hear the crows got some _cool_ new first years."

"Holy shit! They caught a big one!"

They can't have known each other for more than two weeks, but Karasuno's first years don't seem the least bit shocked by your brazen yelling or admittedly rude pointing, and you're willing to bet it has everything to do with the fact that this little gang is being led by Tanaka and Nishinoya.

It seems they are being indoctrinated into the insanity already. Good.

The new kids both have exasperated, appropriately apprehensive looks about them, but the blonde, with his height and lanky build and brightly colored hair, naturally draws the eye first.

Just seeing him brightens Bokuto's mood, but the tall kid doesn't appear to be quite so uplifted as he is, even less so after Bokuto's boisterous, "Hey hey hey! Glasses dude! How tall are you?!"

When the shorter one pipes up to speak for his friend, your eyes are pulled toward him instead.

"Tsukki's almost six-three!"

Ok, and so _he_ is fucking adorable.

He doesn't carry the air of a guy who has always stood taller than his peers. In fact, his presence seems to say the opposite. He's not the monstrous creature Kuroo and Bokuto are, and certainly not like his ironically sunny-haired companion, but the freckle-faced kid is still far more intimidating, in size at least, than the average kid his age. You get the feeling this one had a growth spurt, and maybe his self image hasn't quite caught up to the rest of him yet.

Meanwhile, the blonde appears more than comfortable looking down on people. Literally certainly, but maybe figuratively too.

When he speaks though, the shorter one has got this look about him, almost like pride, but you do think that maybe if it wasn't about _Tsukki_ , he wouldn't have bothered saying anything at all.

_Interesting._

"Ah, to be young and in love," you think out loud.

The blonde scoffs. "And this would be why I always say shut _up_ Yama-"

"Yeah I know. Sorry Tsukki."

_Very interesting._

Tanaka breaks up this strangely intimate moment you're all witnessing, which, while entirely innocuous, still feels a bit like peering through an open window, by stepping between the two and pulling them down into a headlock, deepening the shorter one's light blush, and forcing the blonde to hunch over with a scowl on his face.

You can already tell he's a grumpy one.

"This is Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi. Our _adorable_ new first years."

Tanaka looks proud too, and it isn't difficult to guess why. Megane-kun's height is an advantage, a thing to be praised around these parts, and there is something intelligent in his eyes too.

Then again, that could just be an illusion given off by his _I'm surrounded by idiots_ disposition.

Either way, as soon as Tanaka lets go, the blonde is attempting to take off without another word.

He doesn't get far before Tanaka grabs him by the back of the shirt. "Show some damn respect to your elders you gigantic trashcan! Sorry about him, he's-"

You know exactly what he is. Have done since you saw his nose scrunch up in disgust the moment Bokuto started Bokuto-ing in his face.

"Salty?"

 _Ever observant, never conciliatory_. It would be your motto if you knew what conciliatory meant.

Kuroo is the same way. "Yeah, that's it!" He snaps his fingers at you like you answered a question floating around in his head correctly. "You've got this real... _saltine cracker_ kind of look about you, did you know that? Saltishima, was it?"

Maybe Kuroo is worse.

"It's Tsukishima," he says, smiling. "Its very nice to meet you all, but my mom says I shouldn't talk to strange people. I'm going to leave now."

He actually sounds genuinely apologetic, but even with the squinty smile on his face, Tsukishima radiates this _fuck off and fuck you while you're at it_ vibe. It's like no matter what he says, you'd still feel somehow insulted, and you are honestly kind of impressed by how he manages this.

You don't even have to glance at Kuroo to know this kid already has a fan. In fact, if you _were_ to glance at Kuroo right now, you wouldn't be surprised to find his fingers steepling with the early stages of various evil plots, and a martian with a hand-operated telescope could see that this Tsukishima guy is _not_ going to enjoy whatever it is Kuroo comes up with.

Future you, however, is surely going to have a truly wonderful time watching _that_ dumpster fire from a reasonably safe distance.

"Tsukkiiii," the fucking adorable one chastises.

 _And how very, very interesting indeed_.

Almost interesting enough to remind you of another duo you know, though their conversation would have gone a bit more like, _fuck off_ , and then, _so mean_.

Tanaka fills the awkward silent void. "Rrright. Well guys, these are just a few of the folks that are going to be ruining your lives for the foreseeable future! Kuroo and Kenma from Nekoma, Fukurodani's ace Bokuto, and this," he palms the first year's heads, turning them toward you. "Kirei-chan."

When was the last time you got introduced to someone properly? "You know that, like other human fucking beings, I actually _was_ given a name at birth, right Tana-chan?"

"What do you mean?"

Everyone's a fucking comedian these days.

Tanaka gets kicked in the shin for it, but apparently, not hard enough.

"Alright well let's see. Kenma's creepy smart, but if he actually speaks to you just run. Or take notes. I haven't figured out which is the safer option yet. Kuroo will piss you off, it will happen often, and no, there's no way to avoid it... or him for that matter. It's weird, don't ask. There's about a seventy-thirty chance he's doing it on purpose, and I'm not gonna tell you which way the odds lean, because it wouldn't be as fun. Bokuto's spikes will probably break those spindly little arms you guys got, but I hear if you rub his belly it makes you better at volleyball. Good luck if you feel like trying though. He bites."

Amusingly, Tanaka is going quite well with these fun-yet-slightly-insulting introductions. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima seem delightfully uneasy, but you're both surprised _and_ pleased by the realization that little Tana-kun has done a bit of observation of his own over the past year.

_So there's a brain in that bald head of his after all._

"Kirei-chan's a manager, _nothing_ like our perfect in literally every single way Kiyoko though... _ahh_. Oh uh, but she also may or may not be the leader of a demon army, so don't fuck with her. Only one man has ever done so and lived, and you two are not him."

That, is going to take a moment for you to digest.

Ok because look, _first_ of all, _demon army_? Second of all, everyone constantly fucks with you, it's literally tied with eating for the second most popular activity around here after playing volleyball, and whoever this guy is who 'gets away' with it is about to be hunted down and torn limb from limb-

Oooh. _Demon army._

"Anywho, watch yourselves first years. Your awesomely cool upperclassmen can only protect you so much my dudes."

The arm-breaker line was more than enough to put the stars back in Bokuto's eyes. Kenma hasn't looked up from his Switch even once, but you've spent enough time with him to know he learned more during this brief interaction than the rest of you combined. Kuroo is still locked onto Tsukishima with his weird conniving smirk, while Tsukishima clearly tries to avoid his gaze with a look of angered confusion on his face.

For a moment, it seems like all of you are going to talk at once, but Noya's odd intensity and conspiratorial glare wins out in the verbal standoff.

"We've got two more, ya know.... you guys are _really_ going to like them." He has a disturbingly ominous look about him, and you don't yet understand the weight of the words when Noya darkly adds, "but just so we're all clear, the carrot-top is _ours_."

You're wondering why the hell that needed to sound so threatening and be directed most specifically towards Bokuto, when you catch a nervous look in Tada-

"Hey Tada-kun? Can I call you Tada-kun?"

"Uh s-sure, I guess that would be, ok, if you want."

For now, you resist the overwhelming urge to squeeze the life out of him, but that nervous look remains, even as Tsukishima rolls his eyes and the rest of you just kind of shrug.

You might have spent a bit more time wondering why Tanaka and Noya are so immediately protective of their so-called carrot-top, and why any of you would give half a shit about it, but you spot a purple and white jacket out of the corner of your eye, and as you follow it through the courtyard, you are instantly, absolutely distracted.

"Whu? When did Shira get here?"

"Ah, those bastards showed up about a half hour ago. I was wondering why you weren't already wi-HEY!?"

"Sorry not sorry Tana-chan! You all suck! Actually Tada-kun you're cool! Anyway, bye!" You shout, waving a hand behind you as you run off toward the dorms.

Maybe you should stay and defend yourself against whatever shit those guys might talk, but who has time to care about carrots, salt, or rapidly developing evil plans when your favorite person is finally here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you made it im so proud please do a kudos because a) it is free and 2) it makes me go rrrrrreeeeEET
> 
> this is where it starts


	10. The Tragic Origins of a Fuck-Boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we have this chapter.  
> We talked about this.

**YOUNGISH PART TWO:  
** **The Tragic Origins of a Fuck-Boi**

You're racing through the hallways and up the stairs to where Shiratorizawa usually stays, huffing from the embarrassingly small amount of effort, and bumping into at least three people along the way.

Once you find the room, you toss the door open with a bang, finding Tendou, who you were looking for, and Shirabu, who you were not, loitering around inside.

Satori doesn't startle at your grand dynamic entry, but Shirabu does grumble a little bit as you steer him by his shoulders out of the room and slam the door shut in his face.

You flop down on top of the futon and Tendou's neatly stacked pile of clothes (it was a farce anyway, you both know it), and you stick your tongues out at each other in a familiar greeting.

Instantly, you are the calmest you've felt since stepping off the bus here yesterday morning, and you release a pent up sigh.

"Well Ten-chan, I fucked Kuro last night."

"I'm not your _therapist_ you know Ki. Shouldn't you be asking how I've been, telling me how much you missed me, or saying something like," he flutters his hands, raising the pitch of his voice. _"I can hardly think of a reason to live without you, oh Ten-chan!"_

"Is, is that what girls look like to you Satori?"

Tendou huffs, rolling you off his clothes and narrowing his eyes. "We _both_ know that is not what you nearly burst a fucking _lung_ running in here to say."

"Also participating in the night's events, Bo-"  
"Oh my GOD you whore!"  
"Wow OK, thanks, but I actua-"  
"Wait, who?"  
"Boku-"  
"You _FUCKED_ BO-KUN?!"  
"Uhg. Yes. _And_ Kuro. That's what I'm say-"  
"OH MY GOD YOU WHOR-"  
"WILL YOU _SHut up_? Could you be any loud-"  
"Why does it matter? Everyone already knows."  
"What?! You just got here!"  
"Yeah, exactly. So I already know. Sooo, _boring_."  
"H-how though, what?"  
"Sugamama and Dadchi helped unpack the bus."  
"Oh my fucking go-"  
"Which reminds me, aren't you grounded?"  
"I- wha-"

"Why am I not surprised you're in trouble before we even _get_ here? No doing fun things without me! Well. Not _that_ kind of fun things, you can do _those_ on your own. Well. Not _on your own_ on your own, obviousl-"

"Don't _act_ like you wouldn't you fucking gremli-"

" _AnywhoOo_ , you know it makes me sad when I don't get to participate in the chaos."

"Didn't do it on purpose." You sigh, because he doesn't even know how true that really is. "I would never do a chaos without Ten-chan. It was an accident."

He stares at you in obvious disbelief. "Oh, of _coourse_. You _accidentally_ had a threesome with your gay boyfriend and his, also- _kinda_ -gay, _actually_? Pet owl."

Should you laugh, or smother him with a pillow?

 _Wow_ , and if _that_ isn't just the answer to _describe your literal entire life in ten words or less_.

"There's so much wrong with what you just said. I'm actually impressed by how almost every word can be wrong on multiple levels, but then also as a whole."

"Threesome?"  
"I mean, I guess _technically_ -"  
"Who _ass_ fucked you?"  
"Whu!? No one ass fucked me!"

He gasps, clutches his shirt.

"Who did _you_ ass fuck?!"  
"I-no. I didn-"

" _WhoOoAa_! So, who's the _top_ then? Kuro!? No, no it's gotta be Bokuto, right? Actually hang on, mayb-"

Tendou is putting _far_ too much genuine fucking effort into answering this question.

"THERE WAS NO ASS FUCKING!" _Breathe._ "No one was fucked, in the fucking ass."

"Laaaame. You did a lame threesome."

"You're the actual worst. But also, Bokuto. IF! If there _were_ any asses getting fucked, it'd definitely, _probably_ have been Bokuto's ass."

"You uh, you gonna drop your sources on that?"

"Oh, Ten-chan, you sweet summer child." You pat his head, and he pushes into it like a cat despite the disgusted look on his face. "Let's just say, for the sake of my dear, darling Kuro-kun, who I just adore so, so very much... I would _seriously_ fucking hope so."

"Wow. Should I sign up for lessons? You only talk about him like _that_ when he's been _good_. Don't forget, I know all your gross secrets."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I am literally always nice to him. He's awesome."

"Hmm, I wonder how he'll react when I tell him you said that to me?" He lowers his voice, and sticks his fingers in his hair. " _Did you know you aren't a very good liar, Tendou_? Or something like that, you think?"

You push Tendou's hand away from his head and mess up his hair, lauing even through a groan. "I hate that I know for a fact that is _exactly_ what he would say."

He puts it back. " _Ten-chan, when you give up halfway through, you're training yourself to fail faster, did you know that_?"

"Stop, _ha_. Satori."  
"Ooo, serious time."  
"Listen. Bokuto's dick-"

He plugs his ears, humming.

"Rah, rah, rah-ah-ah rro-"  
"No seriously, listen."  
"Are you forgetting who my other best friend is?"

You gasp dramatically in offence.

"You're telling me there's someone else?"

You get an obviously faked _awe_ and an even faker frown in response.

"Are you also forgetting that I often find myself, for various reasons but mostly his absolutely _staggering_ lack of shame, in the presence of that friend's very-much- _not-_ little 'friend'?"

"No Ten-chan, I'm not forgetting."  
"Pfftttt."  
"Kinda wish I _could_ since you worded it that way."  
"Exa _AA_ ggerating."  
"I'm rea _AA_ lly not."  
"Oooo-oh! Speaking of giant things-"  
"It really was Satori."  
"-did you read the fin-"  
"Final chapter?! Obviously!"  
"Right?!"  
"OH MY GOD!"  
"RIGHT??!!"  
"When he finally-"  
"I know!"

This is how it goes.

Unfinished sentences, shouting, and noises rather than words. It makes sense to the two of you, but has left a fair few others confused, or more commonly, backing away slowly.

Tendou is a much different person than he was when you met, and you like to think you helped each other get here. Maybe not in the traditional sense, because absolutely no one would call either of you 'better people' per se, but in different ways.

When you first saw him, Tendou was hunched over with his spider-like limbs wrapped around a magazine and his knees, sitting alone. You were only going to bring him a plate of food, but he didn't hear you coming and you caught a peek of the Shonen Jump he was hiding behind a Volleyball Monthly and screeched. He did too, and tossed the books with the type of power that would have surely sent them 300 feet in the air - if they hadn't smashed into the tree branches and came hurtling back down to land, hard spine-first, directly onto your face.

The first word you ever said to him, with a bruised nose and a pained groan, was _s-spoilers_.

Tendou taught you how to observe people, and the benefits to flying under the radar with the information you've collected. You taught Tendou to shut off the part of the brain that waters down thoughts into digestible morsels for other people's enjoyment.

Now, you both know how much better it is to have friends who like you because you're fucking weird, and _because_ you're fucked up and failing and flailing through every day just like everyone else, rather than because you're doing a satisfactory job of hiding it.

"What the fuck are you guys-"

Kuroo walks in as Tendou ties a pair of shorts around his head with fake tears running down his cheeks, and you're wearing the ends of your hair as a moustache, brandishing a hairbrush from on top of his futon.

"Nope, forget it. I'm too tired for this."

It's more than obvious (to you) what scene you were acting out, but Kuroo doesn't ' _have time_ ' to read Jump weekly, and is therefore, not even a little bit cool.

"Tell no one what you've seen here today."

Kuroo only blinks slowly, then puts his hands in his pockets and turns to leave.

"Hey hey _heee_ ya! Hang on a sec Ku-ro- _kuu_ -nuh."

Tendou drags out the syllables and Kuroo pauses, shoulders stiff and raised like the feline he is. He walks over to slink an arm around Kuroo, and Kuroo watches as he drapes himself over his back looking equal parts apprehensive and _why did I come here_.

"I don't think I like your tone, Tendou."  
"Hey! _I'm_ the innocent one here, wouldn't you say?"  
"Honestly? Never. I would never say that."  
"Well ya _seeee_ , I was just lookin' for some advice."  
"In that case, eat more. And sunlight is good for you."  
"I... don't like your tone Kuro-kun."  
"Do you think it might be the advice itself that you don't like, Ten-chan?"

"I wonder... anywho, say Kuro-kun? _Tootally_ just a hypothetical here, but between you and Bokuto-san, which one is the botto-"

" _BYE_ Tendou! I'm just going to leave now, also kind of wish I was never here, but I won't tell anyone about the weird kinky shit I walked in on. See you both, hopefully never."

Kuroo is allowed to leave this time, both of you sputtering as he lets the door slam shut behind him.

"Wait, _ha_ , what did he even want?"  
"I dunnoo but... that makes _him_ the bottom, _right_?"

You bury your face in Tendou's sheets so that your offensively loud cackle might be slightly less so, because he says it like it's the latest conspiracy theory, and knowing this place, it probably will be by noon tomorrow.

Tendou reaches out a gangly arm and it's beautiful bony fingers to help drag you back up. "I gotta go now. Are we meeting _there_ tonight, or do you have an orgy planned already?"

Your jaw drops and you push him from the room with punches, a smile on your face.

It might seem odd, but nothing calms like Tendou's chaos. It's absolute, contractless acceptance.

You don't get a chance to talk to the boys again until the games and whatever else it is they do all day is finished.

Not surprisingly, you are able to locate a bunch of them in various states of still-able-to-move-their-legs in one of the gyms.

 _Somewhat_ surprisingly, Bokuto is unraveling a tiny, screaming human from the net it's caught in like a fish.

"Hey hey! Quit moving around! I'm trying to help!"  
"You did this Bokuto-san! Why did you do this to me?"  
"Hey! I know, scissors!"  
"Uh, no. Bokuto-san isn't allowed scissors."  
"Akaashiii! Don't listen to him. _Obviously_ I know how to use scissors."  
"Since when?"  
_"AHHKGGAA-"_

You should step in and put a stop to this?

Or maybe not, depending on what it actually is you've walked in on, and how much amusement you might be able to get from it.

"Bo-kun? Uh, not to interrupt but, why are you trying to kidnap that child? Also, what are you planning on doing with it, and should I get my camera, or call the police?"

"Kichan! He's, I mean I'm not-"  
"HEY! I'm no child! Who the heck-"

You squat down beside the kid, catching his eye as you come into his field of vision, and you're hit with a pair of big brown eyes behind a mussed-up mop of orange-colored fluff.

Even though you can't actually see the Karasuno label on his t-shirt, one look and you can tell.

This is the carrot-top Nishinoya and Tanaka have laid their claim on.

"I'm your savior. I've come to free you, tiny, incredibly, _wonderfully_ small orange child."

You're imagining yourself appearing as a christ-like visage before him, but it does take a bit of effort to block out the memories of you having been caught this exact same way an embarrassing amount of times when you were in first year, still learning how to clear this stuff up when the boys were too tired, lazy or shitty to do it. But, he doesn't need to know you're capable due to past incompetence.

"Oya! You used to _aaaaalways_ get caught just like this, huh Kichan?"

 _Why_ is he like this? "Bo-kun, have we not been bullying you enough? Also, what the hell. I have a damn name! At least use it the _first time_ I meet someone."

" _Sooorry_ , Kirei-chan then. Kichan is just easier. I got into the habit when we-"

"NOT! Literally not even _close_ to what I meant. Good lord that is fucking _it_. I'm scheduling you to get bullied more. Like _way_ more. Where the fuck is Futaku-"

"Can someone please help me," a tiny voice groans.

"Sorry Orange-chan. I forgot you existed for a second."

"Ow."

He could be complaining about the way you manhandle his limbs through tangled ropes, but something about the blank, dead look on his face while he limply allows you to maneuver him, tells you that isn't quite right.

Bokuto hops over the moment Little Orange is free.

"Kichan, this is Chibi-chan. Look how small! So cute, huh? But! He can jump so high! This little guy's gonna be an ace, and he's fast and-"

He always gets excited when someone new is willing or able to endure his endless post-practice practice, but this is a bit more gleeful than Bokuto usually would be.

A confused look washes over your face as you slowly turn your gaze towards Akaashi in search of answers, which he gives you promptly.

"Chibi-chan thinks Bokuto-san is very cool."

_Well that'll do it._

You are squeezed surprisingly tightly, picked up by your waist and spun around, orange fluff filling your face, and this kid isn't much taller than you, but didn't Bokuto say he wanted to be an ace?

"Unhand me demon baby crow."

You stumble when he drops you and he leaps back, face darker than his hair. Apparently he had been so overwhelmed with glee by gaining his freedom, the little guy forgot himself.

_Heh. Kinda like a little, mini Bokuto._

"You saved me, but, you're also super mean! My name's Shouyou Hinata! I'm not a dang orange or a child or, or a freakin' baby! I mean, what the heck!? I'm gonna be an ace, like Bokuto-san! Actually! I'm gonna be way freaking _better_ than Boku-"

And exactly like a little, mini Bokuto, somehow he just, keeps yelling things.

After a while, your brain tunes him out while you watch him carry on, messy hair flopping about his round face as he puffs his cheeks and stomps his little demon orange baby feet.

Bokuto comes to rest an elbow on your shoulder, and by then you aren't sure Shouyou 'not a freaking baby' Hinata is even talking to you, or anyone else in the room anymore. He seems to just be hyping himself up now, rambling about this _Bakageyama_ character, which you assume is some sort of cartoon nonsense.

"Isn't he so great, Kichan?"

You whisper your response, because it isn't just you and Bokuto in the room, and also _mostly_ because one of the other people in the room is Akaashi.

_"Wanna kidnap him, Bokkun?"_

It might be something fun to think about, either later or never, you haven't quite decided, but you don't, as Tendou suggested, have any _orgies_ planned tonight.

After dodging at least thirty-nine volleyballs that were thrown at yours and Bokuto's heads by Akaashi (and putting them away after because _I'm fully aware of who threw them, Bokuto-san, perhaps think on that the next time to you want to make plans that break the treaty_ ), you do end up meeting Tendou 'there.'

'There' is a lot of places.

At your school, it's the old locker rooms beside the equipment storage building that still haven't been torn down despite the new facilities being built before you even got there. At Shiratorizawa, it's this huge flat rock in the midst of the outcropping of trees behind the stables. In the cramped dressing rooms behind the stage of Nekoma's smaller auditorium, the last portable on the left with the loose door handle at Fukurodani, and if Iwaizumi or Oikawa are in a good mood, Seijoh's volleyball club room.

Here's 'there,' is the girl's washroom on the fifth floor, which no one ever uses on purpose, because half the doors don't close properly, there's only one, tiny mirror, and the toilet paper never gets restocked.

It's a bit of a chicken-or-the-egg type situation, now that you think about it.

Tendou holds his hand out to you, and lets a massive cloud of smoke drift slowly out from between his lips before sucking it back in, darting his head around like a bird trying to catch it all.

 _Ah, that's right_.

A commonality between these 'theres,' is firstly privacy, followed closely by certain degree of air circulation, and then either an easily accessible, or entirely absent, smoke alarm.

You take the offering from Tendou, waving away the smoke he didn't draw back into his lungs as you inhale.

He's got this baggy sweater on, and it definitely doesn't belong to him so it's probably stolen from Ushijima, but hang on actually because it's a deep green color and has a brand name logo on the front and- "I, didn't think Ushiwaka would even own any sweaters other than the team ones."

"Heh? Oh, he doesn't."  
"That is not yours."  
"'Course not. It's Reon's."  
"Ah, yep. That- _aoughm!_ -makes sense."  
"You good? No little lung bits in your hand?"  
"Gross. I kinda wanna take a picture of you."  
"Oh yea?"  
"Yea, you look cool."  
"Aaaas per _eeeusual_."  
"Got this, instagram famous thing going on."

Tendou is nothing if not an absolute ham, and slaps a series of bored, strung-out expressions on his face, mumbling _what_ , and _whatevs_ , shrugging like he could be the living example of grainy, try-hard aesthetic polaroids as you grin and beg him to stop.

Eventually he does, smirking back at you as he shakes his body of the unnatural motions.

"I really am starting to grow into my model- _esque_ looks these days, wouldn't you say?"

It might be because you took one more drag than was really necessary, or just because you're that specific type of high, but for some reason, Tendou's words send you spinning hazy-head-first into a memory.

Just this little moment from a long time ago, that you haven't thought about in forever.

_It's one of those important types of days, that feel like they'll never come until they're over. The first of a new thing, a_ _change, and it's a big one._ _At the end of it, when the sun is starting to fade, Kuroo's hand reaches over the fence to unlock the gate into your backyard without a word, and he doesn't jump up to slap the latch, just leans up onto his toes and pulls because he's tall enough to reach it. He's brooding, more in his head than here, and he steps over the hole in the yard even though you know he doesn't really see it._ _It's fall, early still but the ground is cold and damp, and he doesn't complain about getting his pants dirty before he slumps down beside you._ _He's quiet, sighs deeply the way he always does when he's going to tell you something he wishes he wasn't thinking. He steals the half-burnt cigarette from between your fingers even though he doesn't smoke, carelessly flicking away the column of ash you had worked so hard to keep still, and coughs before he tries to speak._

_"So apparently I... guess. Uh, turns out I, might be..."_

_He mumbles, stuttering out sounds without actually saying anything, and you're worried, and you had already worried about him for a good amount of this important type of day, because unlike you, Kuroo always thinks about what he says before he says it, but sometimes instead of thinking and then saying, he just thinks twice and forgets to open his mouth._

_"...what?"_

_You don't remember now what you had expected, or feared he might say, but you know for a fact it wasn't anything even remotely close to what he actually said._

_"I think I'm, well. I think I might be... hot."_

_People don't really remember conversations like they kept a script, at least you definitely don't, but from time to time, usually the inopportune kind, things come back in those weirdly vivid flashes and you can almost hear it. Almost feel the painfully relieved laughter trying to bust forth from your throat._

_"Please don't. Just, don't be you right now, alright? This is, I'm serious. This is serious. Alright?"_

_He is serious, and however idiotic you were sure this was going to be, you don't let yourself laugh, and you don't punch him for nearly stopping your heart with this ominous vibe for no good reason, because of course you shouldn't have wasted time worrying about him, he would be "...alright."_

_"Alright, good. So... well, it seems to me, uh, due to certain... occurrences, that I might be, you know, hot. Like, a hot guy. You know?"_

_It feels like forever ago, a lifetime or maybe two, and even with a gun to your head you wouldn't remember how you did it, but you know, without a doubt -know-, that you somehow did not laugh._

_"...occurrences?"_

_"There were... girls. Girls like, like multiple girls. They, and I mean, it was practically obvious. No, it was obvious. And they were, they just kept, looking? At, me? And talking... like how girls talk except about, well. About me."_

_Right now, you can hear this memory-him as clear as day, and see the way his eyebrows shot up and how he flicked his hands limply towards himself over his knees when he said 'me' like he couldn't believe it. Memory-you isn't as clear, but it's not a conversation you've forgotten, it's just been stored away._

_"...a traumatic event on day one, must the universe be so cruel to our beloved protagonist?"_

_"I said I'm serious! I really think I might be hot! What the hell do I do? What, wait. What -did- I do? Ah, this is so bad. I've gotta be crazy, the nerves got to me, must be. I'm losing it."_

_"...are you a soldier returning from war?"_

_"No! I'm telling you, there's no way I'm wrong. Dammit, you know the guy! The fucking like, the hot guy! I think, I fucking think that's me."_

_For you, and whether it's for better or for worse you can't really say, this moment wasn't traumatic like it was for him. Maybe in Kuroo's mind, this was some major turning point, or like, his fuck-boi origin story or something, but, well. You already knew._

_"...oh, my, god."  
_ _"What?"  
_ _"...I think you might be right."_

_You can't remember, did he look surprised then? Had his pupils shifted like he was putting up a mask, or did his expression say 'this is normal' right away?_

_"Thank you! I mean shit, this is like, life changing. My life is literally changing right now. Everything I once knew... just... fwoof. I've been cast in a new role. I don't know how to deal with this, I just, I can't process."_

_"...mhm, your whole life, merely a fwoof."  
_ _"You're taking this suspiciously well."  
_ _"...I don't understand."  
_ _"You don't have anything to say?"  
_ _"...'course not, I'm happy for you."  
_ _"You know that's just extra suspicious, right?"  
_ _"...well it's just..."  
_ _"Here we go."_

_"...I mean, you're also the guy who constantly plays video games but somehow still isn't even good and is literally afraid to eat fast food, not to mention you're also scared of turtles and have Star Wars bedsheets, and they're prequel ones."_

_"I changed those."  
_ _"...hey, I'm not saying anything."  
_ _"It sounds kind of like you are saying something."  
_ _"...no way, I'm supporting you."  
_ _"How?"  
_ _"...probably a lot of pressure."  
_ _"Oh. Ohkay."  
_ _"...it's gonna be hard for you from here on out."  
_ _"Yeah yeah."  
_ _"...being so hot, you know."_

_He might have gotten fed up and shoved you over, or maybe you kicked leaves onto his shoes and he beat the shit out of you for getting them dirty. Your brain must have decided that was all it needed to keep. An error in the mainframe, maybe? It's funny, for such a small and quiet thing to be your clearest memory from such an important type of day._

"-nal sphincter! _Toootally_ straight faced too. I really thought I was going to die- _eyaaand_ you weren't listening."

"I got this weird feeling, I'm glad?"

"If you aren't going to listen to me, maybe you could share with the class? You got this gross look on your face like, _oooh we was so young back then, wasn't we just so, Samuel?_ "

"Why am I like, a 1900's settler's wife?"  
"Why are you avoiding the question?"  
"I literally don't know what the question was."  
"Why were you ignoring me?"  
"You're boring and I don't like you that much."  
"Wh-wha, repeat the question you say?"  
"You're too close, idiot."  
"Why are you avoiding the question?"  
"Scoot _baaack_."  
"You can't meme your way out of this."  
"Pretty sure I can."  
"You couldn't meme your way out of a wet paper bag."  
"Watch yourself. I'll meme your whole family."  
"You wouldn't."  
"Wife, _aand_ -"  
" _No_."  
"Yep. Women and children, I meme 'em all."  
"You're _sick_."  
"Only as sick as they pay me to be."

This is pretty much how it goes.

After dragging yourself out of bed the next day, you get a chance to watch a practice match between Seijoh and Karasuno, and learn a whole lot more about the crop of first years one of those damn crows must have sold their soul to the devil to obtain.

When you get a bit of time to sit for a few sets in the afternoon, you realize it isn't just Saltishima, Tada-kun, Chibi-chan and _Bakageyama_ who are going to make your final year more interesting.

Aobajohsai has a wing spiker who doesn't like having to move his arms and makes Oikawa's stupid face scrunch up in frustration. Date Tech got themselves a setter who looks like he might be able to take down Bokuto or eat another human whole. Shiratorizawa somehow found a real-life Rock Lee that Tendou promises he had nothing to do with, and Kuroo failed to mention the _giant_ Nekoma brought with them.

It is during that afternoon, while you're preoccupied with trying to take in all the games, and all the new kids, and all of your boys all at once, that you find yourself feeling remorseful for having no business to attend to.

Though, it is a bit more like dreading the fact that you have nowhere to run.


	11. A Firm Reminder to Look Where You're Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First camp comes to an end.  
> 

**YOUNGISH PART THREE:  
** **A Firm Reminder to Look Where You're Going**

You've got nowhere to run now, because somehow, you didn't notice camp has been an entire octave of _annoying_ lower than usual until the missing _noise_ has already wormed it's way onto the floor beside you.

"Did Kuro and Bokuto need to mail in a ballot, or is there maybe like, a sign-up sheet I can just add my name to?"

"I hear nothing. Nothing but the wind through the trees and the squeaking of shoes. I have attained, _inner peace_."

"Oh! Was it a feat of strength? A reward for saving the world or winning a tournament or finding a lost treasure, something like that?"

"Yes. It took years of hard effort, but those two idiots managed to find the fucking one piece and were rewarded, _appropriately_ , with a single night between my legs. So, give up? I guess, is what you'll have to do."

"You know what? I kinda always thought, what if, maybe the one piece doesn't even actually exist."

"One of those _friends along the way_ things?"  
"Yeah, exactly."  
"Mhm. Me to-"  
"HA! So I _do_ still have a chance!"

"Please. You could have twenty one-pieces, the nine-tailed jinchuuriki, all seven dragon balls, and you _still_ wouldn't have a fucking chance."

"I'd just wish for a chance on the dragon balls."  
"You can't wish for that on the dragon balls!"

"Whatever! I wouldn't _need_ to because if I actually had them you'd obviously-"

"Kill you? _Obviously_ I'd take them for myself, _and_ I'd use the wish immediately to wish you could never be wished back to life."

"Stupid. What a waste, good luck finding them again and hey! How are you going to kill me? I have the nine-tails! I'd destroy you."

"See? You're a blood crazed maniac and I'd be doing the world a favor. Not such a stupid wish now is it?"

"You know, with that kind of power up... I could become the number one hero, then you'd-"

"Stop trying to use the power of anime to sleep with me. I'm literally never going to sleep with you."

"You'd sleep with me if I had three blue-eyes white dragons."

"Yuuji Terushima, you could pull all five fucking pieces of _exodia_ from your third-rate deck and I still woul-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING _NERDS_!"

You and Terushima are banned from the gym for the next hour, but being the famously altruistic person that you are, you're willing to shoulder some of the blame and say it's only ninety-six percent his fault.

"Kirei- _chaan_ ," he whines as the doors slam shut, stranding you both in the wet and the chill of late afternoon spring.

Terushima is, not even remotely secretly, your most favorite kouhai.

He knows it as well as you do, and you are forced to hide a smile behind the palm of your hand as he stares up at the sky looking genuinely tragic.

"We've been banished to the shadow realm!"

He's got this _I'm so sad even my hair is sad_ look about him that reminds you so much of Bokuto, and it's just enough to stop you from pushing him off the steps and into the mud.

You are strongly considering being nice to him for the rest of the day when he turns to grin at you, at which point you catch sight of a tiny glint when he opens his mouth.

"What, _the fuck_ , is this?"

Terushima's eyes bug out in surprise when you grab his tongue and he makes a pained noise, but you aren't letting go until you get answers.

He mumbles around your fingers, and you can only just make out the, " _thuga-than_."

You let go of his tongue and press your hand against his forehead, because you will, as it turns out, be pushing him into the mud after all.

 _Koushi Sugawara, you absolute fucking dick_.

You place your fists at your waist, standing firm and looking down at him like a king to a peasant from your place atop the stairs. "You, Yuuji Terushima-kun, are hereby banned from ever opening your mouth in my presence again."

"You already banned me from that? Like, literally a whole entire year ago. Idiot."

"Well, the ban is reinstated as of immediately."

"Wha? But _whyyy_ -oooh. Oh, OH MY GOD!"

You can see him getting an idea as he stands, wide-eyed and blinking rapidly as he pointlessly tries to brush mud off his shirt, only succeeding in making a bigger mess of himself.

Suddenly, you get this terrible feeling whatever it is he's gotten into his head, is not going to be pleasant for you.

"You... you LIKE IT! Oh shit! You think it's HOT! You totally want to FUCK ME NOW! You _thought_ about it!"

It hurts sometimes to be right, and that's made even more painfully true when Terushima jumps back up onto the steps and starts banging on the gym doors like there might be a t-rex out here and getting back in there is the only way you'll survive.

"HEY! KIREI-CHAN WANTS TO KNOW WHAT MY TONGUE RING FEELS LIKE ON HER PU-"

While bandaging Terushima's face after having smashed it against the steel gym doors, because contrary to popular belief you aren't an _entirely_ heartless monster, your mind tangles with a few questions.

The one on the very tip of your very not-pierced tongue, is _who the fuck else has Suga gotten his grubby little fingers on?_

You don't have any concrete plans yet for getting Terushima off your back, at least not without further damage to his frontal lobe, but you sure as hell _are_ going to find out exactly what the absolute _fuck_ that impish little bastard Koushi has been doing over the break.

"You know Kirei-chan, looking like you want to slice Suga-san's skin off and wear it, _kiiinda_ just proves you actually _do_ want to fuck mAHH!"

After dragging him onto the floor by his ankle, you storm out of the room; this Terushima thing can always be dealt with later, and also _never_ is always an option.

By the time night rolls around on the third and final day of the first camp of your third and final year, it's become clear Sugawara is purposely avoiding you.

If someone tipped him off about your rage-fueled manhunt you'll be waiting for the day they come to regret it, but your only choice now is to ask around for answers.

" _Azumane-san_ , you wouldn't happen to know where I could find Suga-kun, would you?"

You were _sure_ you smiled ever-so sweetly...

"What the fuck Asahi!? Don't fucking run! Just tell me where the hell he is!"

It's unfortunate. Azumane is usually the easiest one to crack.

A different approach then.

"Matsu! Hana! Tell me where the fuck Suga is or I'll tell Iwaizumi what really happened at the drive-in that time!"

This... obviously was not one of your most well thought out plans.

Issei Matsukawa and Takahiro Hanamaki respond simultaneously with nothing more than a bored reminder of _the cursed image_ , and you are forced to retreat.

Finding Date Tech's adorable second year manager wandering the halls is a stroke of good luck.

"Mai-chan! Have you seen Sugawara? Also, on a completely unrelated note, I've got this photo of Ushijima-san from when we went to the beach last year, you remember that, right?"

How convenient for you that she had reluctantly ( _read: hours of peer pressure_ ) admitted to being months deep into some kind of super-crush on Shiratorizawa's stoic ace.

"All I know is Suga-san said if you asked, tell you he's with Oi-kun and Iwaizumi-san. So you know, he obviously isn't-hey wait! The picture!"

"Thanks so much Mai-chan! I'll send it tonight!"

Poor, sweet, naive-as-fuck Mai Nametsu might be _slightly_ disappointed to see her beloved Ushiwaka wearing a long sleeved shirt, straw hat, and an absurdly over-abundant amount of sunscreen in said photo, but she also didn't _ask_.

Panting and gasping for your breath after bursting into Nekoma's room, you realize that trying to find Morisuke Yaku is really where you should have gone in the first place.

"Suga," you huff. "Why, _ah fuck_ , why?"

"I'll consider telling you why Ki, but it might help if I know the what first."

" _Why_ , Suga why are, _ahf_ , why are they hot?!"

"Oh!" Sugawara finally decides to look up at you from whatever it was he and Yaku were watching on his tablet. "I was sure this would be about Iwa- _uh_ , Yuuji-chan and Bo-kun huh?"

_Just how evil is this guy?_

"Yes! Obviously this is about Yuuji and Bokuto you damn-wait. What did you do to Iwaizumi?!"

Suga cackles like the devil he is. "I didn't know what to get you for your birthday Ki! And well... Kuro said no."

"Dammit Koushi, I can't lie. The Bokuto thing, not fucking bad. I mean, _wow_." You shake away the distraction that comes from remembering the look on Bokuto's face when you held that nipple ring between your tee- "Fuck! No! What the fuck were you thinking with Terushima, hah?"

"Suga-san? You did this?"  
"Who else, Mori-kun?"  
"So then, Semi? _Hiroo_?"  
"Ohhhh yeah."

He looks proud of himself, but you and Yaku can only stare at Sugawara in shock.

"What? Daichi and Asahi were both gone for a whole _week_ during the break! I got, bored. Don't look at me like that, you both know how I hate being bored!"

_So -this- is the amount of damage an unchecked Sugawara can do in a single week._

"Alright let me just make sure I understand this galaxy-brained fucking, _prank_? Is that what this was? Forget it just, look. Over break, you thought to yourself, I know a few guys who would look painfully good with a piercing, and I also know someone who has what I know full well to be incredibly fucking poor self control, _how can I combine the two_!?"

"I feel like, you're belittling the amount of effort this actually took."

"What you've done to Iwaizumi notwithstanding, you used the time to fuck with me? You, you had multiple people put through pain! My god, you literally had people scarred for life! Just to _fuck_ with me?!"

"When you say it like _that_ -"  
"Is there another way to say it?!"  
"That's a bit dark even for you, Suga-san."  
"Koushi, that is Oikawa-level shitty."  
"Don't tell, but that's _kinda_ a compliment."  
"Yeesh, Suga-san. Damn."

You are not the first person to be reminded that even though Sugawara seems like a soft mom who just happens to look like a pop idol, on the inside he's a fucking _literal satan_.

"I can't believe you've done this."

You need to sit down.

"I actually considered letting Teru- _fucking_ -shima stick his _tongue_ down my throat for a minute there." Your acceptance of the situation is announced by a deep groan. "My god, what the fuck did I ever do to hurt you Koushi?"

"I _told_ you I was bored. Accept the damn gift and just be thankful I went easier on you than I did my precious kouhai."

So _that_ would be the reason Tanaka and Noya haven't been sitting with their third years, and there are _zero_ more details you wish to know about the matter.

Sugawara leans a bit hard into the _demon_ part of the demon-prince thing he's got going on when he adds, "I mean, how was _I_ supposed to know you were going to be enjoying Bo-kun's new jewelry _that_ much? Maybe I should have charged you."

Why the universe feels the need to save Sugawara of all people you'll never understand, but it does when the rest of Nekoma shows up and kicks you both out of their room, which, by the way, you really think they could have done _without_ having to make it so literal.

Since it's already late, and not because you are afraid of Sawamura who is waiting for Suga with his arms crossed outside the room, you decide to head to yours and spend the evening with the rest of the girls.

You're trying to come up with a way to get back at Sugawara that doesn't end up with you in prison when you realize the universe must have a limited amount of help to give out per day, because rather than safely escorting you to bed, it reminds you to always look where you're going.

"Dumbass! Watch where the fuck you're fucking going, idiot!"

You hear a dramatic gasp and, "Iwa-chan! Bad language!" before Oikawa's disembodied head pops out from behind one of the doors in the hall, and that room is _not_ the same one Seijoh guys are meant to be sleeping in.

"Fuck my language! I'm probably going to need fuckin' like, skin grafts or something now!"

_It does seem like that may have been, warm._

Iwaizumi sighs deeply, his chest visibly filling with air.

He's always been pretty good at the whole 'calm rage' thing.

"Why is it... all of my problems, are caused, by a _fucking_ idiot? Why can't I cause my own damn problems, hah?!" His hands seem eager to crush the two styrofoam cups of what looks to have once been coffee, but instead he lets them fall to the ground, empty. "And why, _whyy_ is it usually you two fucking idiots specifically?"

Oikawa whines in offence as he comes out of the room fully, already too loud for the empty hall and late hour. "What did _I_ do Iwa-chan?!"

Iwaizumi turns around to face him, incredulous.

"Why am I standing here Shittykawa?"  
"Well..."  
"Why was I holding scalding hot coffee?"  
"Uhweh-"  
"And why don't I have a _fucking_ shirt on?"  
"Errmm..."

The surely ridiculous reasons for Iwaizumi's existence in this place at this time may forever be unknown to you, even as you stand somehow untouched by the apparently boiling liquid that now turns Iwaizumi's skin a deep red.

You can't worry about that now, because you're a bit busy trying to remember how to count to ten without turning it into a list of the top ten ways to _murder Koushi Sugawara_.

Just beneath his soon-to-be-blistering burn, tracing the hard line of his pectoral muscle and wrapping around his ribcage, Iwaizumi sports a pattern of black ink, and you can't seem to catch your breath, or a _fucking break_ for that matter, due to the intense draw it has on your eyes, and how _disgustingly_ fitting it looks on his tan skin.

Iwaizumi looks hot. Like, really hot.

"I should have just let it spill on you."  
_This is fine. You can for sure deal with this.  
_"You should be thanking me right now."  
_Has he always been hot?  
_"You don't have to be ugly _and_ burned."  
_Or is the tattoo just that powerful?  
_"Why are you even here?"  
_If the tattoo gets covered up, will he still-  
_"What the fuck are you doing!?"

You've got one eye squeezed shut holding a palm in front of you, and it's only then you look back up to Iwaizumi's face, trying to figure out if this could be fixed simply by including a shirt.

Tattoo safely hidden behind your hand, you study him, and maybe you can develop a scientific method for determining if someone is hot.

Starting with something easy, hair. Stupid. He's definitely the type of guy who's gotten the same haircut since he was ten. Eyebrows? Pointy. Even pointier than his hair in an angry, bristly way. His skin is tan, which isn't surprising. He wouldn't give a shit about that, unlike Oikawa. Nose is nothing special. Mouth? Frowning, but possibly benefiting from Oikawa's chapstick addiction. His chin is pointy too, actually? So are his ears. He's not especially tall or muscular, though most guys aren't built like Bokuto or Ushijima, so that's probably fine. Well, his arms are pretty nice, you guess, for a regular sort of guy. All that's left are his eyes, and they're _seething in poorly contained rage_ , so in summation-

"You're a pretty regular guy Iwa-chan. Only... _pointier_."

His mouth hangs open, shocked for some reason, and you found there isn't anything specifically attractive about Iwaizumi, which is a relief.

"What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?!"

You're forced to take him in all at once when he speaks, the tattoo remains covered, and he is somehow hot again, which of course, _is fucking bullshit_.

"Are you _hitting on_ my Iwa-chan? Right in front of my very eyes? I know I'm pretty, but I will not hesitate to fucking destroy you, _Kireina_."

Your response is automatic, like breathing.

"Get fucking bent Shittykawa. I'd rather eat dog shit for the rest of my life than have to look at your gross _boyfriend_ for another second."

"Well in that case, how do you feel about the tattoo? My Iwa-chan is so _hot_ , don't you thin-ahgk!"

"Stop talking Trashykawa," Iwaizumi growls after smacking Oikawa in the back of the head, giving up on the night, apparently, as he starts to walk away.

"Iwa-chan, don't abandon me!"

"I'm going to shower. Don't bother me and go to bed, it's late. If you're not at the fucking bus on time I'm going to tell it to leave without you so you have to walk back."

You can breathe once Iwaizumi is gone, thankful to not have to unpack _that_ right now, but Oikawa has his scheming face on and-

"Say Kirei-chan, if you aren't busy..."  
"What? If I'm not busy, what?"  
"You know..."  
"No I don't."  
"Don't do this."  
"I'm doing this."  
"Whyyy?"  
"I want you to admit it."  
"Well I won't!"  
"OK. Bye-"  
"Wait!"  
"Oikawa? Is there something you wanted?"  
" _Hangoutwifme._ "  
"Was that so hard?"

There are many layers to why you love humbling Oikawa, even in something so petty as this. He's an actual piece of shit sometimes, sure, but so are you, and if Tooru is good at anything off the court, those things are talking, and knowing how to have a good fucking time.

You feel like you could go for a bit of both.

By the time you're halfway through the bottle, Oikawa has nearly reached his goal, which he has now let you know, _multiple times_ , was to get 'white girl wasted.'

You're feeling warm in the cheeks yourself, but not quite so much as Oikawa, who is now on the verge of tears because he remembered a time when baby Iwa-chan apparently took a bug off of his shirt without telling him, and _isn't he literally perfect? So I wouldn't get scared! Tha'swhat he said!_

Drink has never been your drug of choice, since you've never been fond of embarrassing yourself unnecessarily, and also because you've always been pretty good at doing that without help.

"That! _Oikwaah..._ s'too wholesome. It hurts'me."

And yet, here we are.

"Oh _sorrry_ , I should've known you're _allergic_ to wholesome, I mean just look'it what you did with Kittyku'n owl-boy! _Bad_ influence."

"Hey! You'd for sure be like, pretty, ya know, super surprised by how fuckin' wholesome that was actually, ya damn garbage _ass_."

"Don' be so _mean_ to me! I'm having _feelings_! So be not crappy for once an' go get your stupid thing and sing me something so I don't haf'to feel my stupid feelings!"

Even if you brought your guitar to camp, which you did not, you still wouldn't go get it now, so your answer would still be, "frik that Shit'kwa."

"Uhg! _Whyyyy_ not?"

'Uhg' is right. Oikawa looks way too pretty with a pink face, and he's pretty damn pretty when he's whining too. It's _tentatively_ a good thing that he uses that tone of voice, is that level of drunk, and decides on those words, because you might have shared the thought out loud if he hadn't.

Instead you get tugged into your own head.

_"Uhhguh. Whyyyy not?"_

_It's a party at someone's house one of you go to school with, and it must be someone who has an older sibling because there's almost as much booze floating around as there are people too young to be drinking it. Kuroo is hiding from the crowd under the guise of watching out for you, or using some other excuse that's just as obviously bullshit. His head is plastered to the glass of the table you're sitting at, and he's been drunkenly mumbling to you while you sit outside chain smoking, or maybe it was in a garage? You can't quite remember. You remember the glass table though, and how it wobbled and you had to hold your drink still every time Kuroo made some grand gesture or dramatic expression, and how stupid his laugh sounded when you laughed at how stupid his face looked smooshed on it. His face was pink, and he's still a whiny drunk, but he was worse then._

_"C'mon, weem'ight as well. I jus' wanna tryy it."_

_It was after he got dumped by his second, or maybe it was his third girlfriend, and he promised he wouldn't mope the whole time if you and Kenma came with him, but Kenma, the little jerk, hadn't showed up yet, and Kuroo hadn't stopped moping._

_"...weird, I was sure you said you already tried it."_

_Why had he even wanted to go to that party so badly in the first place? You can't even remember whose it was._

_"...actually I know you said you already tried it, because I remember being traumatized, still am actually, by the disturbing level of detail you used describing exactly how you 'tried it' to Bokuto."_

_Knowing him then, it was probably just another of his piss poor attempts to make it seem like he was still 'cool just being friends right now' with a certain 'little jerk' who never did end up showing up. That night, you couldn't decide if Kuroo was a tragic hero, or just an idiot._

_"I'mean with youuu, idiot."  
_ _"...why?"  
_ _"I'unno."  
"...wow take me now."  
"I wanna like, beat you at it, I guess?"  
_ _"...see a fucking therapist."  
_ _"Preeety sure you'd feel th'same way if you tried it."_

_You're probably laughing, or got some stupid look on your face that Oikawa is going to annoy you about, but you're just now realizing, that stupid, drunk idiot was actually dumbly slurring out an almost-prophetic truth, but he had looked and sounded so pathetic at the time, overlaying the memory with now seems almost absurd._

_"...yeah fucking right."  
_ _"Poss'bly... buuut I r'lly think you would."  
_ _"...are you maybe, a creep?"_

_You don't remember what his face looked like when he pulled it off the table, but you can picture it because he still looks the same when he's had too much to drink, or anything to drink, really. His eyes still get red and puffy and glazed over in the same way, but you hadn't seen it as many times then as you have now. You remember watching him trying to decide what he was going to say, and that he looked at you once he did._

_"You think I'm hot."_

_"...'course, Tets'kun is the hottest."_

_Well, he was. You never had any reason to hide it, because the lie would have been obvious and embarrassing for you, and the truth made him get embarrassed which you always enjoyed. Kuroo's stupid pretty face has always been one of those annoying facts you wish you didn't know, like when you sometimes accidentally remember to hope you don't sleep with your mouth open._

_"Kayyy so, could you like fucking not, say it like I'm your weird fuckin' like, gross brother, or something please while I'm trying to arrange having sex with you?"_

_"...are you honestly this shitty, or is this a bit?"_

_"Do you want it to be a bit?"_

_You know you finished the drink you were nursing for most of the night then, because you didn't quite get what he meant and there were too many possibilities floating around in your head, and you wondered if perhaps you could just drown them. It kind of worked, because it gave you time to realize you weren't even sure he knew what he meant either._

_"I'on't get it, uhg! You love teasing me. You could make me ask- whull honestly? You could prob'lly make me like, beg. An' you know, I'd like it."_

_It wasn't the first time he asked, but you're pretty sure it was the first time you seriously considered it. There's no way it didn't show on your face, but he was too out of it to notice, and had just laid his head back down on the glass table and rolled his eyes, making the stupid pink drunk version of that face he makes when he's frustrated by having to explain something to an idiot, and the idiot is generally you._

_"Look, you're obviously also hot you know perfect blah blah whatever, and you're not gonna be all weird about telling me stuff since you're already constantly tell'n me stuff I wish you wouldn't, and you can't break up with me, and you're so hot sometimes it makes me ser'sly like super literally piss'd off 'cuz I just can't not loo-so I just wanna see, like, I wanna make you do embarrassing stuff, because of me. Heh, does sound kinda creepy... but you know what I'mean. Basi'cly that, yeah. Oh, and I wanna do embarrassing stuff for you too, since you'd like it, an' I'd like that. So's r'lly just sm-syimbio-tic, if'you think 'bout it. Hueh."_

_Almost like a script, you remember him forgetting that he already tried to brush off admitting it, and then doubled-down on the admittance like he didn't know what it did to you. It's weird, because you're you-you and memory-you at the same time, and you-you knows that gross, pathetic excuse for words actually kind of ended up working, and memory-you would slit your throat before admitting it even though she was the dumbass who decided it did in the first place, somewhere between 'super pissed off' and 'symbiotic.'_

_"You're thinkin'about it! Ha."  
_ _"...trying not to."  
_ _"Welcome to th'fuckin' club."  
_ _"...did you jus-are, is this a move?"  
_ _"Heh?"  
_ _"...like a line, are you doing that, to me?"  
_ _"I don't get'it."  
_ _"...ah, you're just dumb."  
_ _"You mean drunk."  
_ _"...do I though?"  
_ _"Eh, whatever. It'll happ'n eventually."  
_ _"...don't say weird things."  
_ _"Like, spleen? Orrr you mean like-"  
_ _"...go away."_

_For once, he actually listened. You don't know if he would even remember that conversation, but not too long after Kuroo broke up with his third, or maybe fourth girlfriend, you found out that you felt the same way he did, after trying it._

"Ohm'y gawwwd! C'n you play this?!"

Oikawa is always nosy, the kind of guy who you never have to wonder about snooping through your cupboards if you let him use the bathroom at your house, because he definitely, absolutely is going to do that.

"Where th'fuk did you even find that?"  
" _Lawl_ , it wa'sin that- up over there!"  
"I hate it."  
"Wuull I'm not asking you _t'fuck_ it am I?"

It's more of a toy than an instrument, the kind of guitar you buy a six-year-old for christmas. It's the one that comes in a box for a suspiciously low price that makes it hard not to think about the other six-year-old who probably made it when they were at _work_.

You absolutely would not fuck that guitar.

"You know how hard it's for us men to express our feeling! _Sooo_... jus' do that one I like and do your part to stop _erm_ , forest fires'r whatever I said before, _haha_."

 _Do not think what you think you're thinking d_ _o not think what you think you're thinking d_ _o not think what_ you would absolutely fuck pretty, pink, grinning Oikawa.

"Jus' fucking give it'to me."  
"Yay haha works'very time. Stupid girls."  
"You're a'famously bad person, literally."  
" _Famous_ you'say?"  
"Wellp. This's gonna suck."

It sounds as gross as it feels, plastic-y just like it's strings, but you can't love _or_ fuck pretty, pink Tooru Oikawa, so you'll just have to give him his stupid song, and punch him in the kidneys or something for still being too stupid to just ask stupid Iwa-chan to give him what he wants.

_What a beautiful face,  
I have found in this place,  
that is, circling, all around the sun_

He only likes the first part because he thinks it's about him, you're ninety-nine percent sure, but the other one percent is you not being sure he's wrong. It's an old song, and it gets hard to remember specifics about these things.

_...for now we are young,  
let us lay in the sun and count every,  
beautiful thing we can see.  
Love to be,  
in the arms of all I'm keeping here, with me._

He likes that part because he thinks he's good at hitting high notes, but he is also living proof of that old cliché, _nothing is fucking perfect you stupid asshole_ , or however it goes.

_What a curious life,  
we have found here tonight.  
There's music there's sounds from the stre-_

You hit a gross chord that sounds like something used as a special effect in a bad sitcom when _actual_ sounds come from outside the room, but you get the flow back after a quick glare at Kuroo, who leans against the door after closing himself inside it and makes a hand gesture that _seems_ to say something along the lines of, _oh, please,_ _continue, the massive shit you're about to be in can wait_.

_Oh now I re-member you,  
how I would -push- my fingers through,  
your mouth.  
To make those, muscles move._

There are _some_ specifics about these things that aren't quite so hard to remember.

First camp of final year ends, and Oikawa gets his stupid song, and you both get your massive shit for being _so obnoxiously loud it is genuinely mindboggling how two brains combined can be be this stupid_ , and because _neither of you have any of your shit together yet for the morning,_ because he _asked Iwaizumi and you're lucky it wasn't him who came_ to find you instead, and finally, _why wouldn't you ask if I wanted to join you bastards_ , in that order.

[Neutral Milk Hotel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD6_QXwKesU) -  
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to say you do you because normally i ignore songs in fics, but like, im not just putting this stuff here for no reason. if youre the sort of person who went camping and your friends played guitar and you sang songs and sat in the woods and got high and drank and made beautiful sounds together, i hope this makes you remember how it felt. if you never had that im sorry and i hope you got an idea of how good it feels to tell your friends how good they make you feel


	12. Always Being Very Nice to Kuro-kun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Narrator dabbles in omniscience.  
> The first time so far that it's just you and Kuroo.  
> The first just totally regular day.

**YOUNGISH PART FOUR:  
** **Always Being Very Nice to Kuro-kun**

****

****

About a week and a half after first camp, your team meets up with Nekoma for a few practice matches after class, which is a fairly common occurrence since you're only about a fifteen minute jog apart (or a twenty-five minute walk, in the case of anyone who may or may not be a lazy ass).

You're squatting against the brick wall behind Nekoma High where the older kids used to hang out and smoke, only its you and Kuroo who are the older kids now, and Kuroo has made a game of scaring the first and second years away.

And he's gotten pretty fucking good at it, apparently, as they don't tend to return.

Kuroo has a kid running off looking terrified, though traumatized might be a better word, after a minute-long conversation you really wish you had listened in on, because the speed at which he manages to obtain the kid's mangled, obviously-snatched-from-a-parent-or-careless-older-sibling pack of smokes, is genuinely impressive.

You are significantly _less_ impressed when Kuroo 'asks' you for a lighter (that gesture he does always makes you think he's asking for an explosive detonator or something, because _come on, that isn't even how lighters fucking work_ ) with one of them dangling out of his mouth.

Your expression must say more to him than what you were actually thinking, which was simply _why and also how are you like this_.

"Don't look at me like that. Somebody needs to set our youth on the straight and narrow path," Kuroo offers in explanation, or maybe defense, as he slumps down beside you.

" _Riiight_. If not the degenerate homosexual currently faking sick to get out of after class extracurricular activities so he can smoke stolen cigarettes, then who will set these kids straight?"

"Excuse you? I'm a degenerate _bi-_ sexual currently faking sick to get _into_ after class _sex_ -tracurricular activities, thank you very much." With a smug smirk, he adds, "and this was _apprehended_ , not stolen."

"Oh my mistake, that's _much_ more reasonable." You are eventually able to locate a lighter after an arduous expedition to the bottom of your bag, and hold it out to Kuroo. When he makes to take it from you, you snatch it away. "Never say 'sextracurricular activities' again."

He risks a battle with you rather than agree to your terms, so now he's going to keep saying it, _and_ you don't have a lighter.

"I thought you didn't smoke."

"I don't," he replies simply, staring blankly at you and inhaling, making no attempt to elaborate as he takes slow drags from the now-lit _apprehended_ cigarette.

"Is this one of those things where you just keep saying it to yourself until it eventually becomes reality?"

Kuroo looks nonplussed, slouching further onto the ground. Once he's situated himself, he smiles. "Sure. I'm _menifishing_."

You laugh, tricked into the sudden recollection of this particular Bokuto-ism, and certain other memories that go along with it. You shake them off for now and rest your head back against the wall, reaching out a hand to Kuroo with a gesture that says _sharing is cool_.

"We're probably going to have to actually _do_ something about this Bokuto situation, you know that, right?"

"What, patting his head and giving him a thumbs up suddenly just isn't good enough anymore?"

Kuroo looks at you with his eyes narrowed, shifts a single brow upwards and _oh joy_ , you think, because now he's going to insult you in some way.

"I know, _biblically_ , that was good enough for _you_ after your incredibly amazing first ti- _ow_ , but sweet, adorable Koutarou-kun, is obviously not the vulgar misanthrope that you are."

It doesn't really seem fair that his words, with much less effort, can do so much more damage to _you_ than your fists can do to _him_ , but it is even _less_ fair that your own words do the exact same fucking thing.

"...I don't hate men."

"Idiot." Kuroo tilts his head back and groans up at the sky, as if there might be something in the clouds he can either ask for help or curse. "That would be _misandry_."

"Oh, right."  
"Yeah."  
"Waait-"  
" _Uhg_."  
"Misand, thrope?"  
"Misan _drist_."  
"Right..."  
" _God_ , please."  
"That's, not what you said."  
"No. It is not."  
"So..."

"Why do I bother doing this?" Kuroo crushes the end of the cigarette you were supposed to be _sharing_ into the ground and turns to you. "Alright, fuck. Misandry is misogyny but men. Misandrist is like misogynist."

"Racist against dudes, got it. What was the other thing?"

"It's no-uhg. A _misanthrope_ is, well. Actually uhm, they just hate humans in general."

"What the hell! I was close! I was basically right! Did you really have to be such a massive ass?"

"Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really thinking about it until I got to the actual explaining part. My bad." Kuroo reaches over to stick a hand in your hair and messes it up, then pulls it away to offer you a thum-

"HEY! I'm not fucking _Bokuto_ you fucking bastard!"

He laughs because he finds himself hilarious, which you suppose is for the best because _surely_ there is no one else who does.

"Not presently anyways, right?"

You're staring at him, and he's got this suggestive look on his face like he just told a dirty joke, but it turns into a regular smirk when he looks back and sees your face.

"Oh sorry, are you still buffering? You really shouldn't be staying up so late, usually you have at least five or six more braincells than thi-" _Ahhhh, not 'fucking' Bokuto, heh._ "-there you go. I knew you could do it."

"Maybe I should be." You stick your tongue out at him, because you are not just mature, you are also very dignified. "He'd be way nicer to me. You know I'm not good at being awake if I don't sleep."

Sometimes, you can't help but think it might be best if you were lobotomized, but your brain does still manage to come in clutch for you, every once and a while.

"To be honest, it's a bit pharisaical of you, considering you're the one who felt the need to message me at two in the fucking morning."

Kuroo's smug smirk becomes one of those pretty, secret smiles, and learning pointless words specifically to spite him is worth it every single time.

"Get naked, immediately. I need you inside me."

He grabs your head in his hands, squishing your cheeks together as he makes _disgusting_ fake moaning noises, grossly licking all over your face.

 _You're_ fighting an internal war between giggling like a five-year-old and damning the next ten generations of his family.

The universe, or whatever it was in the clouds Kuroo was cursing earlier, decides this the best thing for you both to be doing when Kenma shows up.

"I sometimes wonder, why I ever became friends with either of you, but then I see something like this, and I realize, I must have done something really, really terrible in my past life."

" _Kyanmaaa,_ " Kuroo whines as he stands, brushing the little bits of gravel off his pants and freeing you from suffering any more of his heinous attacks. "It's uh, not what it looks like?"

"It looks gross, whatever it is."

"Hm. I guess it's exactly what it looks like." Kuroo strolls over to the rock Kenma has perched himself on and takes the game from his hands, and Kenma doesn't yell at him to pause it before he puts it in his pocket, because he knows he already did. "Anyways, why the hell are you here and not in there?"

"If I slobber all over her face like a dog that needs to be neutered, will I also be allowed to skip practice?"

It takes a few seconds for Kuroo to hide his absolutely _dumbfounded_ expression, and by then you've already burst out cackling.

 _Kenma really is the fucking best_.

"Haha, very cute. Damn brat." Kuroo, on the other hand, really is the fucking _worst_. "You know what? Yes. If you do that, you can skip practice. Go ahead, I won't say a thing."

All three of you know _that_ isn't going to happen.

No matter how badly Kenma might wish he were doing anything other than running around right now, this 'anything' does not include _that_.

" _Or_ , what about if maybe instead of that, ever, you _both_ go the fuck back where you belong and leave _me_ the hell alone. I do things, you know. I have things. That I do." Now, both of them are looking at you in obvious disbelief, which is somehow three times as annoying as when it's just one of them. "I'm more than just a face waiting to be slobbered on!"

"Excuse our _misogyny_ , Kireina-san. Kozume-kun and I will see you returned to your duties, forthwith."

Another great thing about Kenma, is that whenever he's around, you don't have to be the one responsible for punishing Kuroo when he starts, well. Being Kuroo.

Kuroo rests an arm on Kenma's head as they walk away, and Kenma gets his game back so that Kuroo can tap away at his phone, still mostly in his pocket, eyes glancing down to his waist in that way he does when you know his response to literally anything you say is going to be either _uh-huh_ , or _sure_.

By the time you can just barely still see them, Kuroo has forgotten his phone and turned to Kenma instead.

A couple minutes later you take yours out of your bag, and find that it has been making noises.

Kuroo's habit of being annoyingly, absurdly attractive, is _inconvenient_ for you at the best of times, but when he's driving, it is downright _distressing_.

It's probably because you like looking at him best when he isn't thinking about what he wants you to see, which he obviously can't do while being the world's most belligerently safe driver, but that really just puts you in this weird place where you aren't sure if you'd rather keep staring at his face - focused, relaxed yet ready with his eyes flicking unconsciously to his mirrors now and then - or just have him run the car off the highway and _fucking die_.

"Hey. Are you alright?"

_How?_

He absolutely has not, even for a single second, looked away from the road.

_Can he- did he hear you think that?_

"Uh, yeah? Why?"

He seems satisfied by your response, mind-reading abilities still up for debate. "Well we've been in the car for five minutes and I don't have an awkward boner yet so..."

"Oh, sorry." Again, it really is a _belligerent_ level of safeness. You would never do anything like that if it were say, Bokuto ( _oh god please no never again_ ) behind the wheel. "I didn't realize that was my job. I thought it was just your natural state of being."

"Common misconception. You do actually need to tur- _hueheh._ Well, you've got to turn it on."

Is he actually so focused on the road that he didn't realize he was about to make a joke until it was already halfway out of his mouth?

Yes. See? Belligerent.

"Gosh Kuro-kun, but how would I even do something like that?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe you could try calling me a self-righteous hypocrite again?"

"Are you going to pretend I mean it as in someone who is similar to a Pharaoh?"

"...maybe."  
"Is that your mood today, _Kuroo-sama_?"  
"Oof. I think _that_ is my mood everyday."  
"No it's not."  
"Yeeah it i-"  
"Don't talk back to me."  
"Right, right. There _is_ also that mood."

You know this conversation is pushing it, riding a bit too close to the line between _purposely distracting_ him, and _literally just existing you fucking asshole_. No one, not even you or Bokuto, is willing to get into _that_ argument with Kuroo again after they've already experienced it once.

Music is fine 'as long as you can talk over it,' but that rule was quickly changed to 'as long as _he_ can talk over it' about seven minutes into having you, Sugawara and Oikawa in the car at the same time. That's still only happened the one time actually, and the reason for it, shockingly, is completely unrelated to the amendment of the music rule.

For right now though, it's fine. When it's just you and him, and he lets you hum along to the radio on the way to your place, as long as you don't get 'too excited,' and he likes the song too.

Safely parked in the garage of your apartment building, the last space on the left behind the concrete pillar that seems to have grown suspiciously thinner over the years, it's Kuroo who ends up getting 'too excited.' 

"Fuck, s-stop moving your ha- _ah_ , please."

Warm and red-faced and sweating, breathing hard enough to fog the windows as you stroke him from the passenger seat of his shitty, hand-me-down car, Kuroo, you think, is just too fucking pretty.

"You know what to say if you want me to stop."  
"Yes but, _ah please_. I'm so close."  
"What time is it Kuro-kun?"  
" _Ahfuck_ , fuck it's like, eleven-thirty."

It's actually just shortly after seven, but Kuroo is going to be breathlessly whining about how 'close' he is for the next few minutes (the better part of fifteen minutes, actually, is what he's got left), so this makes it easier for both of you on these types of days, and maybe helps to focus the mind a little bit too.

"Wow. And you want me to stop already?"

If it was midnight, it would already be too late, but you're aiming for something _closer_ to the new year's countdown before his time is up.

" _Please_ , _yes_."

You can't remember exactly how it started, but know it must have had something to do with your safe word, which neither of you even _knew_ was a safe word when you first came up with it. _Time out_ , is all Kuroo or you have to say, and it says nothing about how much fucked up shit you've tried, and everything about just how degenerate you both are, that it's only been said three times in total.

"You're so cute."  
" _Ah_ n, ssto- _ahh_."

Kuroo really likes cute things, and sometimes he likes to break them. Kuroo is also really cute, and sometimes he likes to be broken.

"Kuro-kun is always so nice. It's because you know I like to hear you begging like that, right? Even though we both know that's the opposite of what you want."

Maybe you're a bit narcissistic, but you can't help but like that about him; you're the exact same way.

"I'm too, _so_ close I-"  
"Alright, I'll stop."  
"Nno _ah_ -yes. Yeah, st-stop."  
"It's always surprising when you're this good."  
"Please, _fuck_ , it's like ten to mid _nahh-_ "  
"I already said I'd stop."  
"Fuck, fuck _please_."  
"Okay I'll stop moving my hand, sound good?"  
" _Mmm_ , nnah-ya. Yes."

He never seems to know where to put his hands at times like these, flexing and cracking his fingers, throwing an arm across his face, avoiding his own hair like it's the plague.

"So all you have to do, is _not_ fuck into my hand."  
" _Mhnhn_ nah, _shit_ I can't I-"  
"It's fine right? I'm gonna stop, so you'll be fine."  
"I'mah, _wha_ -"

He's done well so far, for him anyways, but there's still five minutes left on the clock.

"It's alright. You don't need to come all over yourself, because I'm going to do like you asked and stop, because I'm always really nice to you. Right?"

"Nono- _fuck_ no-"

"I know how you feel about making a mess of yourself, so you definitely won't fuck into my hand and make yourself come. Right?"

Sometimes you think about how adorable it is that you even _know_ someone who feels _degraded_ by getting their clothes dirty, but mostly you think it's lucky because you're super, ultra not good (tests have been run, tests have been _failed miserably_ ) at doing that for someone in almost any other way.

"Right?"  
" _Shi_ -right. _Right_ please it's, it, I'm so clo-"

He's biting his lip, one hand blanched and plastered against the window, the other clutching a fistful of his shirt. It's extra cute, because he's going to be upset about stretching it later too.

"I don't know what you're so worried about. You're the one with the control here."

" _Ahh_ _ha_ , awi'm so clo-"

"Okay, okay shh. I'm stopping, see? Look at my hand Kuro-kun. Not moving, right?"

"Y-yea, _ahh_ -"

He _says_ he sees, but it's probably not very easy for him, what with his eyes being squeezed shut so tightly, but then again, he also knows not doing what you ask only makes things worse for him.

"Good, we're good. I'm just quickly going to spit on my hand-oh. Fuck, I missed. You can probably feel that dripping down over your cock now, huh? I'm sorry."

"Y-you bi- _ah fuck_ sorry I-"

Anything from pretty baby, to dirty slut depending on the day, but not bitch. It's this odd kind of word that can't decide whether to be offensive, or boring. Maybe once, in special circumstances, but definitely not right now, and for no reason. He knows better, so he's probably done it on purpose, and maybe you still aren't very good at this, because the better punishment might be to _not_ give him the punishment he so obviously wants.

"Hm. Well, you seem pretty close so I'm going to put this like this just in case." You tug his shirt out of his hand and let it drop down, forming a little protective barrier of sorts over where your hand is gripping him tightly, but not moving, of course. "Look Kuro-kun, it's perfect. So if you were maybe _lying_ about wanting me to stop, not that you would ever do something like that, but just in case, this way you'll only make a mess of yourself, and not everything else too."

"Oh my gah- _fuu_ , please, _fuc_ -fuck yo-"

You did tell him. Seriously, all he had to do was _not_ fuck your hand.

"See, now this is kinda what I was thinking might happen. _I'm_ not moving at all, just like you asked because, hm. Because why, Kuro-kun?"

"You-you're _fuck_ , _ahh_ you're nice t-to me."

"Right. I'm wondering though, do you suddenly actually not mind being messy, or... no. It couldn't be but, maybe you're just _that_ desperate?"

" _Yea_ , oh fuck, _yes_ I'm- _ah_ , I'm desp-"

"So here I am being so nice to you, not moving my hand at all just like you asked, and what do you do?"

"Oh you _fuck._ F- _fuck_ I'mmovin-"  
"What are you really doing, Kuro-kun?"  
"I-I don-shit _ahh_ -"  
"Are you maybe making yourself come?"  
"Y-ye _ahnnm_ , yes. _Fuck_."  
"So it's not my fault, right?"  
"N-no, _no_ it's-"  
"Look. It's almost time and you haven't come yet."  
" _Fuckfuck_ I wanna fuck you, ah _please_ I wan-"

You hold your hand completely still, and he lifts his hips to slip himself through your fist as though he were allowed to do it. His collarbone is exposed by the way you've pulled his shirt down, and for no reason other than that, you bite him there and whisper.

"I'm so proud of you. You're so, so good."

He doesn't make it fifteen minutes, but he never has.

That's why it's fifteen minutes.

Come-covered, you help Kuroo pull his shirt over his head, whining and complaining and _waaa so fucking gross_ , if it comes too close to touching him, even as he's still trying to catch his breath.

The absolute _loser_ has another shirt in his backpack wrapped up in a plastic bag, and he swaps them once he's freed from his cloth hell.

He tells you _it was already in there before! I literally always have one in there uhg_ , and you make fun of him for it anyway.

It's dark now that you're standing just outside of his car, and most of the lights in the parking garage don't work. Never worked, most likely. Either the place, or it's subpar lighting, or the echo off the cement walls, makes you both whisper without having a reason for it.

_"Hey. Is your mom home?"_  
_"My god. Are you that insatiable?"_  
_"Shuuut uup. Where is she tonight?"_  
_"Out. I think."_  
_"When was she here las-"_  
_"You don't need to do that anymore."_  
_"When?"_  
_"I know how to make my own ramen."_  
_"When?"_  
_"Not too long. Two or three days."_  
_"Why is it always twice as long as you say?"_  
_"Just keeping your mind sharp."_  
_"I'll stay."_  
_"Try asking, you presumptuous dick."_  
_"Fuck that."_  
_"You're making the fucking ramen."_  
_"Fine. You're talking to me about Bo."_  
_"Fuck that."_  
_"I'll order something instead of cooking."_  
_"...fine."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this femdom-ey scene is based on this chick whose vids are on pornhub, and like, if you've seen them, you know.
> 
> lol the next chapter is... ooo. its something else my friends. something, fucking, else.


	13. Best of Luck with Not Really-san

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't really, I mean.  
> We talked about this, right?

**YOUNGISH PART FIVE:**   
**Best of Luck with Not Really-san**

When you were six years old, you lived in a shitty, broken-down apartment building. It's still shitty, and still broken-down, and you still live in it, but that was the year that thing happened, and you haven't seen your dad since, but your mom was already the way she is long before then anyway.

When Kuroo was six years old, he lived in a shitty, broken-down apartment building too. He did until the year you both turned nine, when just him and his dad and his sister moved to a house, because his mom was already sick, even before you both turned six.

"So' _sfft_? Do you _fft_ 'hink you'd dat'im?"

Kuroo is sitting on the floor, legs stuck straight out beneath the low table in your living room, already stuffing his stupid fucking face and slurping noodles out of his bowl before you've even gotten the chance to sit down.

"What? Date who?"

You're still in the kitchen, swapping food from it's take-out container to an actual dish that you're going to end up having to wash, because Kuroo is the most troublesome human being on the entire planet, and _what if the styrofoam gets in my mouth though?_

He swallows before talking this time. "Bo, you fucking idiot. Who the fuck else would I be talking about?"

"Uh fuck, I don't know," you offer in response to both his words and the condescending look on his face as you sit down opposite him, kicking his legs out of the way. "Maybe like, _literally_ anyone else in the world who'd make a billion times more sense?!"

"Whuy' _fft_ not?"

Kuroo would stab you with a fork for eating the way he is right now if this was in public, but he's been goofy, and playful and cute today, and you're happy when he's like this. He must have had a good day, or a good practice, or a good conversation, or maybe a cat let him pet it. Whatever it is, it was enough to put him in this mood, so you're glad for it.

"S'that a joke?"

Something is playing on the tv in the background, but Kuroo has his ways of being _viciously_ distracting, even when he's saying incredibly stupid things.

"'Course not. It might be, cool."

"Cool."

Kuroo acts like he doesn't pick up on your tone, and pretends you asked a question rather than given a criticism. "Sure, you guys could do all kinds of, you know, random, potentially dangerous shit together."

"How's that different from now?"

"Well, if you survive, you could have sex after." He can pretend he doesn't recognize tone, but he can't act like he doesn't understand the raised-eyebrow look you give him. "Yeah, I realized as it was coming out, no need to repeat yourself." Kuroo lifts his bowl to drink the leftover broth, because he is a savage creature, and already finished eating. "What if he asked you though?"

"He wouldn't."  
"What if he _did_ though?"

You're not even halfway done, so he's going to start trying to steal your rice before you get a chance to keep it from him, and thus, a distraction of your own is in order.

"In _that_ case... I'd say yes."

His eyes bug out, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline, and he hits his chest with a fist when he chokes, which he then tries to hide with an awkward, obviously fake, cough.

"R- _kfpkt_ - _rea_ lly?"

It's an incredibly satisfying sequence of events, made even better when his voice gets caught in his throat, but he does manage to avoid meeting his death by soup broth at your living room table.

"Well _yeeeah_ , 'course!"

If he's going to keep looking at you so suspiciously, then you might as well lean in to the bit; at least he isn't trying to steal your food yet.

"You're totally right Kuro-kun. Damn, I guess I just never thought about how _cool_ it would be before. If it was just me and Bo, doing things? _So_ cool. You know, like dating things I mean. Like, having dinner with his family, at their house, going out to public places... places like _restaurants_ , and _movie theatres._ Hmm, I guess the ban _would_ have to be lifted for those things to happen, but I'm sure its fine, right? Oh! We could even get an apartment! Together! _Ahh_. Yep, just, me and Bokkun. All alon-"

You get your reward in the form of another incredibly satisfying expression on Kuroo's stupid, stupid face.

"Alright alright, I get it."

He grins and you do too, because he's always such an annoying meddler and because you're imagining it too.

Your face scrunches up and _awe fuck_ , you think, because now you kind of wish you and Bokuto would have used the idea as what may have been the single greatest prank in the history of fucking with, not just Kuroo, but so, so many other people too.

You're saved from wallowing in the depths of regret when your phone starts vibrating on the table.

"Speaking of my future life partner-" You get a soft smile and an eyeroll out of Kuroo for calling Bokuto that, and you cough out a harsh, full laugh when you read his message.

"I'm messaging him."

"Go ahead, but it's not going to work out the way you're hoping."

"Told you."

"Shut up."

You don't generally have people over, other than Kuroo obviously, but that's mostly because you haven't figured out a way to keep him out yet. It was a long time before you had Bokuto over, but he has his ways, the damn bastard, and managed to convince you Akaashi was alright without much effort.

Effort you kind of wish _you_ had put in, because now you've got to deal with it when they find out Kuroo is staying over.

You suppose it probably means they both know what it means when Kuroo stays now too, but you don't really want to think about that more than you need to.

Kuroo has convinced you he needs a shower before Bokuto and Akaashi get here, and _oh hey, while I'm in there, might as well get started on those dishes, huh?_

"HEY! Did you know Iwaizumi is hot?!"

It's a small apartment, and the walls are thin, but the shower and the fan in the bathroom and the dishes you're sloshing around make enough noise that you need to shout, even though he always leaves the door wide open, like he's never been in a _fucking_ house before.

"I don't have anything in my mouth right now! I can't spit take for you!"

You _do_ love a good spit take. "Ha! No! I'm serious! Next time you see him! Just try look-"

"I _know_ he's hot dumbass! I'm just surprised to hear it from you!"

" _Damn_ ," you mumble to yourself, turning the tap on to rinse. "I thought it might have just been the tattoo!"

"He got a-?!" He seems to realize something, and you remember that Sugawara had said Kuroo was one of the potential victims for his _highly_ unethical week of chaos. "I should've known! Suga! Right?!"

"Yeah!" Come to think of it, maybe Kuroo would help you with your revenge plot, but you'll worry about that later. "He's always been hot though?! Real-AH!"

"Uh, yeah?" He startles you when he appears in the doorway, towel around his waist and one over his head. Once he's done vigorously drying his hair, he opens the fridge. "I don't want to think about it too hard but Iwaizumi is kind of, you know, daddy."

Kuroo's expression doesn't match what he said when he turns to look at you with your almost-empty juice jug in his hand, and he definitely isn't going to leave any for you, but you can only burst out laughing in spite of it, because he literally just put that sentence together as if he were telling you water is wet.

"I can't, pleas- _ha_! Please, I can't breathe."

"It's true!" He grins, tossing the empty jug across the hall into the recycling bin once he's poured the last of it into a glass. "Imagine if you had a dick, and then _Sawamura_ let you fuck him with it. That's basically Iwaizumi." He's leaning against the counter now, far-off look on his face. "Ah, and he'd probably be all, _can't you go any fuckin' harder you useless idiot_ , or like, _how the fuck do you expect me to come from this_? Ah, but he'd be all blushing and shit while he says it with that angry face... _fuuuuck_."

"Do you need some ice?"

He shakes his head. "Yeah, please. A brain eraser if you've got one." You don't, obviously, because even if you did you would have used it up already, and that seems like it's probably one of those unique-equip type items. "Damn, bottom daddy Iwa-chan. That is _whaaay_ too fucking hot." He drops his empty cup into the sink, and ignores your complaint as he walks out of the kitchen. "Say what you will about Tooru, that guy is smarter than he looks!"

Once you've rinsed and dried his cup, you follow him to the living room, and find him snapping open DVD cases that you left on the tv stand. "Damn, it really is kinda like that, isn't it?"

"Literally just put them back in the right fucking case, I don't understand why you do thi-huh? Like what?"

"Tsundere-uke Dadchi."  
"Heh. Exactly."  
"Try not to think too _hard_ about it."  
"Oh! Well there's an idea!"  
"Also don't."  
"You could date him."  
"Who... ?"  
"Iwa-"  
"Do you _want_ me dead?!"  
"I'm kidding, I mean Sawamura."  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but _lol_."  
"I bet he's into some wild shit."  
"You mean like, maybe trying reverse cowgirl?"  
" _Ha_ -harsh. No, I mean like, _handcuffs_."  
"Yeah fucking right."  
"He'd probably spank you."  
"I'm-no. Please stop."  
"Hard enough to leave a mark too."  
"Starting to think it's you who wants him."  
"He'd tell you when you've been bad."  
"Are you broken?"  
"Ohhh, he'd tell you when you're _good_ too."  
"Is this some kind of horny, gay mind loop?"  
"I bet he is."  
"Well, let me know if you ever find out."

Once he's finished organizing, Kuroo drops down onto the chair to give you an annoyed look, and you fall onto the couch, rolling your eyes.

 _Seriously_ , what does he think? Akaashi and Bokuto are going to be checking that your shitty old movies are actually the shitty old movies they say they are?

"Why are you so obsessed with this tonight, are you dating someone right now?"

He gives you a blank glare. "You, literally _just_ fucking _dommed_ me into coming all over myself in the car less than two hours ago."

"Right. Right sorry, I forgot."  
"You say things, and they hurt me."

Your phone makes noise, and you brush him off to check it. "Sorry, it's mostly not entirely on purpose," you offer boredly, pressing the button on your phone that will let Bokuto and Akaashi into the lobby. "Have you got the next one picked out?"

"Can you try to maybe not make it sound like I have a closet full of humans that I just _sift_ through?"

"You don't?"  
"N-uhg. And no. I mean, maybe... not really."  
"Well, good luck with Not Really-san."

"Did you know that it's actually kind of nice being around someone who isn't just constantly shitting on you sometimes? You might like the experience."

"Right, you mean finding someone who doesn't know what an unbelievably massive loser you are yet, so they actually fall for all the bullshit lines you feed them?"

"Ye-yes. Actually, yeah. Fuck."  
"Don't worry, I think it's normal."  
"Damn... maybe I am a fuck-boy."  
"Kuro-kun, have I ever lied to you?"

"HEY HEY!"

The front door slams open before you hear the knock, because Akaashi is the type to knock even on an open door, and Bokuto is Bokuto.

"PREPARE YOUR BUTT-AHF! Crap I mean! Not-not like, AHGK!"

"Kirei-chan, Kuroo-san." Akaashi greets you both with a nod as he removes his shoes, stepping over Bokuto as he comes to sit beside you. "Is this a new record?"

Bokuto having a mental breakdown two seconds into walking through the door _is_ pretty quick, but "Nope, there's still the time he tripped on the way in, and we all agreed. It counted."

You and Bokuto are in the kitchen, dumping chips into little bowls. In your case, it's because Kuroo doesn't want to have to stick his hands in the bag and he said he'd wash them himself after, and in Bokuto's case, it's because Akaashi said.

You kind of wish he didn't though, because Bokuto immediately dumping half of the very first bag he opened onto the floor, has made the process take significantly longer.

Those two guys are sitting on the couch together having a quiet conversation, and you elbow Bokuto to peek over the counter through the serving window at them with you, whispering.

 _"Ask him."_  
"'Kaashi! Wanna be boyfriends?"

"No thank you Bokuto-san."

 _"Ask him why not."_  
"Why not!"

"I had a nightmare last night, it's a bad omen get into a new relationship today."

 _"Ooo, that's a good one."_  
"Nah, he said that a few weeks ago."  
 _"A repeat?!"_  
"He's perfect, but he's not perfect."

"Did you hear that Akaashi-san?"  
"Yes, I'm touched."  
"Well then why won't you be his boyfriend!"  
"Arranged marriage, unfortunately."

_"This is perfect Bokkun, all we have to do-"_

"What the fuck have I said about plotting homicides before eleven!?"

"It's ten forty-six!"  
"I don't make the fucking rules!"

 _"Oh! Have you tried sending him a dick-pic?"_  
"Whu-no... you think?"  
 _"Ask him."_  
"'Kaashi? Want me to send you a dic-"

"No thank you Bokuto-san, not today."  
"OK love you 'Kaashi!"  
"Thank you Bokuto-san."

 _"Ooo, harsh."_  
"He'll admit it eventually.

Four bowls safely in hand, you with three and Bokuto with his one that he can only just barely be trusted to keep safe, you return to the living room.

"It actually is you though, isn't it bro?"

"Hey! That's right! Kuro-kun, you _are_ the one who always makes the stupid rules."

"Yeah well, for some reason I prefer both of you alive rather than dead. So stupid rules it is."

"We were gonna kill someone else though bro, not ourselves, _duuuh_."

"Nevermind. Just fucking die."

The four of you talk and tease each other for the few hours they stay, cramped together on your couch that wasn't made for three people, particularly when one of them is Bokuto, and playing that age old game of _you get out of the chair, you lose the fucking chair, maybe you shoulda just tried to hold it_.

Bokuto puts on clips from a few games that got him excited, and you watch everyone in the room fall begrudgingly, painfully in love with his loud grinning ass all over again, because seeing how unfiltered and authentic and _big_ his passion is, always does this weird thing where it makes you want to hold a mirror up and care-bear-stare it right back in his face.

You catch sight of them on the table, and learn that Akaashi's hands are bigger than Bokuto's now. When Kuroo wiggles his eyebrows at him with their palms pressed together, Akaashi blushes and tugs his hand away, clicks his tongue and scowls, hiding it beneath his thigh. Bokuto grabs Kuroo by the shirt and throws him onto the ground, wrestling him until he promises to _stop having ideas forever you dirty mind jerk_. You let Akaashi take the chair while they're preoccupied because he deserves it, and when he sits down hiding a sly half-smile, you think your favorite thing about Akaashi is that you can't be sure he wasn't planning this from the start.

It's an old one, but you play a few rounds of a video game that Akaashi wins- but only just, in your opinion, because _come on, he was clearly cheating somehow_. Kuroo tries to say he let it happen, like he does every time even though you all know he just sucks, and Bokuto forgot which screen he was supposed to be looking at about five minutes in (but he died the most, so that's kind of like winning).

'Getting late' becomes 'actually late' before long, and your impromptu visitors are headed back where they came from.

You know for some reason, just like that pain-in-the-ass Kuroo-san, they either don't like the idea of you being alone for too long, or don't like _you_ when you've been alone for too long, but you won't begrudge them for either, not genuinely, anyhow. They won't mention it, and you won't either, but you'll silently add tonight to the long list of things you owe them all, and find a way to pay them back, or get your payback eventually, if it's the last fucking thing you ever do.

It's nice sometimes, feeling like your insides are too squishy and a little bit sleepy, and you aren't going to call attention to it or anything, but Kuroo notices your mood once they're gone anyway.

Maybe he was tipped off by your tornado spin into a cocoon made out of the blanket you steal from him.

"Get in the fucking bedroom."  
"What did I do?"  
"What haven't you done?"  
"That wasn't my fault, you even said."

"Not, what I meant." He sighs, but he's smiling. You think he must feel a bit squishy himself, and he picks you up off the floor with a huff, then whispers into your ear. "Have you come for me today?"

Okay, so not _too_ squishy, then.

"No..."

"Well?" He says, wrapping your legs around his waist as he starts down the hallway to your room. "Didn't you say I was good?"

There's a tiny chance you might maybe recall saying something vaguely similar to that at some point... but you only nod, because you always feel small, or maybe he just feels extra big, when he's holding you like this.

"So I deserve it, don't I?"

He's quiet, and he can either tell or just knows, and you bury your face into the heat of his neck roughly to either hide your face, or because he smells good.

Kuroo lets the blanket fall from your shoulders to a puddle at your feet when he makes it to the end of the hall, one arm beneath you holding you up and the other on the handle.

Your squeeze your legs tightly around him, and maybe you've acted too impatient, because he doesn't open the door.

"What are you going to do? Once I open this door?"

You can only offer him a questioning mumble, because he's abandoned the door handle, and he's pressing you against the door, and he's making you look at him with his hand under your face.

"Are you going to say... Kuroo-san makes me feel so good, and please?" He whispers darkly, low and hot with his teeth on your neck. "Will you beg nicely for me, just to get what you want?"

"Mmn," you murmur, trying to avoid the too-intense look he gives you on purpose when he speaks, mind fogging further each time he drags his nails along your thighs.

He likes the sound, and presses himself against you to prove it. "Are you going to say... hurry up Kuro-kun, and try to get your way like a brat?"

Maybe you're one of those people, who can 'dish it' but not 'take it,' but that doesn't feel quite right, because you want it. Want the teasing when it's from him, even when you can hear him grinning, even when you know he's toying with you, tugging you down to the place in your head where he seems to want you tonight.

You know that you whimper, that you do it both because of and for him, and that he's probably got another fifteen different words for the noise, but you certainly don't.

"Ah, I see." He leaves your collarbone and neck and ears and shoulders, all the places it feels like he can somehow be at once, and pulls your face to his. "Are you just going to whine, and let me give you what you need?"

Even as he melts you, and you're using what little fight you have left to not give in, his eyes say that this time, he's expecting an actual answer.

" _Mmh-_ " you start, making to turn your head away, so that you won't have to see how satisfied he is by the one you're going to give.

It's just going through the motions, really, because you can already tell that tonight, he won't allow it, and you see exactly how smug, and exactly how thoroughly, absolutely _pleased_ he is, when you have no choice but to stutter your " _yes_ " to his face.

"Mmn, good. I can work with that." He's going to be there when you drop, you know, but you also know he won't hide how much it effects him too, as long as you're good enough. He'll show you his, if you show him yours first. "Maybe I'll be able to get you to say what you're thinking this time, hm?"

Kuroo opens the door to your room, and the pitch-blackness he's now facing shadows his face; the light from behind him blinds you.

You're set down on the bed, and maybe the fact that he decided against just throwing you across the room is an indicator of how the rest of the night will go, but he asked you a question you don't know the answer to, and it sounds like he thinks he does.

" _Wh_ 't?"

Your question is breathless, a half-word half-mumbled, because he's already sliding your shorts down, already on his knees between the legs he's made bare, and when he kisses your lips, the ones covered by thin cotton, he looks up into your face and whispers, telling you exactly, explicitly, how the night is going to go.

_"My name."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i killed his mom. but i think its non-explicit-canon though, if you think about it


	14. Building Rome in At Least Two Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Soviet Russia,  
> Kuroo doms you.
> 
> this was really really fucking hard to write and i hope i get the point across-you know what? you'll see (also i was excited to finally be done so ill edit later)

**YOUNGISH PART END:**  
**Building Rome in At Least Two Days**

"My name."

_It's summer, and the apartment is so oppressively fucking hot that all you can do is lay spread out on your back in the middle of the floor in nothing but your underwear like a dying starfish, but the sweat is dripping anyway. Any other time you'd be cursing the air conditioner, trying to figure out if you can't perhaps shame it into working better, but you can't even do that because mom took the gods forsaken piece of shit last time she was here, and she still hasn't fucking brought it back, so instead, you curse her._

_"...stupid, useless, selfish fucking woman."_

_You remember how viciously too, because your eyes stung and you were so, so angry. You knew too, that the boiling anger was only making you hotter, and the pointless self-pity was only making you more angry. Of all the reasons she gave, to think it would be this that sent you over the edge. You remember how the sudden sensation of tears creating little pools in your ears made you burst out laughing like a deranged maniac._

_"Hey! You here?! Holy fuck, it's so hot in-uhg! Put some fucking clothes on, would you?"_

_He never fucking knocks, and you didn't have a cell phone then because no one did, but it usually wasn't worth paying for the landline anyway. You can't say whether you had been doing it at that time, but it's not like he would have called first, even if you had._

_"Are you crying? Or laughing?"  
"...bit of both, s'fine, why are you here?"_

_Kuroo spent most of his time during the summer at the rec center by his house or with Kenma or both, and sometimes you walked over there, but it's been hot, and you've been lazy, and he's always extra annoying when he's gushing over someone. You probably turned your body away to pull a shirt on, and turned your curses on him for making you need to. He sighed like he was the annoyed one when he threw himself on the couch, and his neck bent awkwardly, because he's almost too big to fit on it now._

_"Riko-chan broke up with me."  
"...what did you do this time?"  
"Don't assume that!"  
"...well, remember what Teruko-ne sai-"  
"Teruko says a lot of things!" _

_He wasn't wrong. Teruko Kuroo always has a lot to say, particularly when it concerns her 'dumbass twerp little brother,' but between expletives and insults, she's always saying things that make eerily, annoyingly perfect sense, eventually. She taught you lots of things over the years with these weird, oft-mortifying life lessons of hers, and how to make ramen even when the water gets shut off was neither the most awkward, nor the most illegal of them._

_"I don't really get it. She said I'm her favorite person but, that's obviously a lie. If it was true, why'd she dump me? How's that make sense?"_

_"...dunno, she say anything else?"_

_"Kinda? She doesn't want to 'compete' for me, whatever the that's supposed to mean. I mean, it's crazy, right? I'd never cheat or anything like that! Uhg. I really liked her, you know."_

_"...ah, sorry."  
"Why are you sorry?"  
"...hmm."  
"Usually you just make fun of me."  
"...maybe it was my fault."  
"What?! How?"  
"...sorry I'm an idiot."_

_Who knows if it were the case, but you remembered meeting her, and that she said 'who's this' like they always do. You figured you must have said some stupid thing like you always do, 'don't leave your homework at my house Tetsurou,' or something like that. You saw how girls at school were about these things, and worse than the heat, worse than the god damn missing air conditioner, was the thought that you might have taken this from him, gotten in his way._

_"I don't thi-"  
"...we aren't kids anymore, idiot."_

_You thought you realized then that you weren't just silly little kids anymore, but in reality you were both exactly all of those things, even if the little part wasn't quite true for him for much longer._

_"What do yo-"  
"...Kuroo-san, girls are sensitive, unlike you."  
"Fwat? Kuroo-san. Seriously?"  
"...true, Kuroo-kun is probably fine."_

_He told you it was weird and dumb, and that you were both of those things too. You argued with each other until he got fed up with the heat and you and slammed the door when he left, but Teruko showed up an hour later with a big square floor fan tucked under her arm and told you it was surprising to find out you might be slightly less stupid than you looked._ _It's been a long time and lots has changed, but even though its a bitch to clean and costs more than its worth to fix, you've still got the fan, and you still don't use his first name, because you do what you need to protect your precious things, even from yourself, fan, fool, or otherwise._

You won't.

Say his name, that is.

Sure, it's always a fun time when he feels like trying to _make_ you do it, but you aren't going to do it.

He won't say yours either, but he never actually did in the first place, so it's different.

It doesn't really matter, but if he was planning on babying you, he wouldn't have said that. You must have done something at some point to rile him up somehow, because apparently tonight... he wants to make you do embarrassing things.

With him being in this goofy mood, you're expecting to be teased, and with you being alive and breathing, you're expecting to enjoy it.

He's filling you with two fingers, on his knees with yours spread apart around him, his tongue and lips teasing your clit, at least when he isn't talking.

He's talking a _lot_ though, so even when his face isn't buried between your legs, he's still teasing you with his mouth anyway.

"I couldn't hear you. You'll have to say it again."

_...no fucking wa-_

"Don't even bother giving me that _yeah fucking right_ look, and just do it."

He's absolutely _filthy_. Wants to prove, to you or him or both, that you're just as bad as he is.

He does that thing with his fingers and sucks on your clit, and you know before the night is through, you'll be whatever the fuck he wants.

"Need me to remind you?"

You know what he wants you to say, even if your mind is too scrambled to know for what end, because he's been at it for a while now and it's not what you expected him to want tonight. Even still, it didn't take you very long to realize it must not have just been _you_ who got him so riled up.

He prompts you to repeat after him, because he gets off on hearing the difference in stability between his own voice and yours when he's like this.

He likes showing off his control when you're losing yours, and you have.

" _I let_... come on, it's not hard."

"I- _hmn_! I l-let, _ahh_ -"

"Mmhm, good. Now, _Koutarou-kun_..."

"Nno!" _...so annoying he's so good he feels so good why does he-fuck why's he want why is he so fucking good I want..._

"Why are you saying no, to me?" He stops moving his fingers, but he's still pressing them inside you like he's pausing your pleasure, and he straightens his back, tired of waiting. "Come on, you're just wasting time.”

_...he's mad no I want to why for him I'll be so..._

“Hey, hey. It's alright, you're okay you just have to say it, alright? _I let Koutarou-kun_..."

 _...so embarrassing he's too good feels too good don't wanna he wants give him whatever he wants he'll tell me he'll give and..._ "I'let K-Koutarou, _mnah_ -"

"Knew you could do it." He drips spit between your lips, slides his tongue between them, then runs it up over your stomach, over your neck, and does the same to those lips too. "What did you let him do, hm?"

_...wasn't bad he said just want why does he's so close he said it wasn't tell him it's you already know I..._

"Having that issue again where I can't hear you."

 _...say it like he said so he tells me more if I do then he will..._ "I l-let him fuck your pussy _more, please_ " _...he's happy good if he's happy he's so good makes me feel so good when he..._

"What a filthy thing to say." He pulls his still fingers out of you, grinning, and pushes them back in hard. He whispers, mouth against your clit, and you know it's your reward. He knows it's good enough for you to want, and give, him more. "Now tell me what else you let him do, come on."

"L-let him-"  
"Who?"

 _...don't like saying it knows I-want more he wants to give me more tell just say what he..._ "K-Kou I, I let him com- _ahhn!_ C-come inside your _ahh_ " _...not bad so why but he stops so why I-he said..._

You might be whining, but you don't know for sure because you don't know anything anymore except what he tells you, and how he touches you, and you're here, where he wanted you, you'll tell him whatever he wants to hear, so why?

"Shh, sh. I know." He moves your hair gently off of your face and reminds you where his fingers are, that they're still there and so is he, with a little motion that works with his words to quiet you, so you must have been whining after all. "I know. You must think you're being punished, but..." He trails off, twists his fingers, traces a wet thumb over your mouth, then caresses you where you're aching and needy with his before pulling away again. "You're wrong. Do you know why?"

_...need it no why I know he said he said good he'll give me so pretty god he looks so but I..._

"Don't worry, I'll tell you. All you have to do is tell me something first, alright?"

 _...anything he wants..._ " _Yea_ , yes. I'll- _mmore, ahh_."

He stops again, leaves you hanging again, and he never lies to you but he must be lying about not punishing you because he pulls his fingers away, his hands away, and it's cold without them on you and his voice...

"Did you like it?"

_...mean stop being so mean he's so dirty why and he knows so why I can't..._

"I'm sorry, it's okay. You're okay." He fills you up again, doesn't move his fingers, but uses his thumb to press your clit because you must have whined again. He's reassuring you, but it doesn't mean he's done. "I know how much you like looking at him already, so just tell me if you liked getting fucked by Koutarou-kun too."

You thought he wanted to hear you praise _him_ tonight, but maybe you were wrong. You don't know, but you do know you're whimpering and moaning, because you can't even hear your own thoughts over it.

"Shh, you can tell me. Koutarou-kun's big cock made you feel good, right? Let me hear you say it, and I'll tell you why I'm not punishing you."

 _...need..._ " _Kuro-kun he did he felt so good it felt so good he's Koutarou-kun's so b-he made, made me feel good he did okay so please I you said why_ -"

"Ah, _fuuck_." He gathers himself faster than you do. It must be easier to put the filter between your brain and mouth back where it belongs when you aren't the one finally getting fucked hard by his fingers. "Ah, you did, didn't you? Loved his cock so much, _fuck_ you looked so fucking good I-" He watches you writhe for him, and catches himself before he gives you too much with a deep breath. "Whew, okay. Now that we've established how much you loved getting fucked by him... will you tell me one more thing?" You're just going to assume a constant state of whining at this point. "I promise, one more, that's it."

_"Yes let me, ahh, be I wanna be mmm, good you said I, I will so please don't stop, please..."_

He loses himself too.

You can hear him losing his perfect, steady control in his voice, feel it in the way his fingers keep forgetting they're supposed to be holding back. Most of all, you feel it in the wet kisses he licks all over your skin as he mumbles.

You're glad, because his breath is hot and heavy on you when his lips aren't, so you were good. It's hazy, but you know you were, and it's a rush.

" _Fuck_ you were so fucking good." He bites your neck. "I was so proud of you, you know that?" Kisses your nipples. "Watching you take him, trying so hard just so you could make Bo feel good." Sucks on your bottom lip. "Being such a nice girl." He groans, licks a trail between your breasts. "Took all of that big cock for him. So proud of you, so good for him." His teeth dig into your thigh, and his fingers ask your orgasm to come closer. "So nice, letting him feel how tight you are." He smirks, because he's still got the control here, and he still isn't done. "Your tight pussy made him come so hard, remember? Such a good girl, so nice."

You don't even remember that you had just given in to whatever it is he wants out of this for a reason, aside from exactly what he's giving you, until he's already pulling it away again.

"Ah, distracting me. You know I could think up a few reasons to do it if I felt like it, but I'm not punishing you, I'm really not. Just that one last thing you need to tell me, okay?" He draws your face to his now, holds you still even as your head lolls. He wants to know you know what he's asking. "Who did you come for?"

If he wants you to answer, he won't get it. Unless your keening and mewling is good enough.

It is. "You came for my fingers, didn't you."

He's giving it to you hard now, fucking his fingers into you consistently. He's going to make you come, and you don't even know if he means to at this point. Not so playful anymore, he's demanding, dark, and so it _is_ this, you just barely realize, that he wanted after all.

"Filled up with _his_ cock and _his_ come, and _still_ , you fucking come for _me_."

You think he must have forgotten that he said he wasn't punishing you, because he's using that voice he uses when he is, teasing, rough, and rude. You know, not right now but generally, that he's torn between pleasure and bitterness when he feels his control slip.

He's tricked himself into wanting you almost as bad as you want him, and he's mad, frustrated by it.

He coughs out a dry, condescending laugh. "Ha, I don't think that idiot noticed, you know."

Sometimes, Kuroo is kind of a bully.

"You know what I'm talking about right?" He's a really fucking massive bully. "When you nearly screamed for _me_ while he fucked you?" He gets his shocked whine, but it doesn't satisfy him, just seems to make him want more. "I had to stop stroking my poor cock, did you know that?" Matter of factly, he adds, "almost made me come in my hand when I heard that."

_"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I, I don't- I just, you're going to make me, Kur-ohh fuck please just, what do I-"_

He blinks, and his fingers are moving slowly again. "No no, shh. I'm sorry. Fuck I'm so sorry, I got carried away. You've been so good for me." He wipes the sweat from your face along with the hair that's stuck to it, voice softer now. "Always so good for me. You can tell me what you want now, I'm here, I'll give it to you. You've been so good, shh."

It took too much saying what you already have, and he seems to know it, but if you and your brain were still part of the same entity, you'd see his control is not slipping away from him again already, but that it's already halfway through the fall.

He's talking to himself more than you when he pulls his fingers out to drag his cockhead between your dripping lips. "Had that big cock pushed inside this pussy, but you're tight just for me aren't you." He strokes himself against you, taps your clit with it while you desperately try to angle yourself to force him inside you. "Yeah? _This_ is the cock your pretty, _mn_ , little pussy is tight for? Always, _mnfuck_ , _always_ so fucking tight for me."

You can hear him getting pulled back into that dark teasing again, and you can't. He can't.

_"P-please I'm good Ku-you said, please."_

He tries not to, you can tell that he does, and that has it's own pleasures. "Fuck, I-I'm sorry, I just- _fuck_ , who. Who do you stay so tight for?"

_"Sstop stop you said! Please please you know, ahmn, you already know! Please I-"_

"I'm sorry I-I promise, this is it." He sounds desperate, and honest, and he can somehow be both of those things and demanding at the same time. He _is_ the mind eraser he was asking for earlier. "Just- _ahh_ , four more words, I'm tight for you, then I'll let you, _fuck_ I swear I'll let you take this cock." If your eyes could open, you'd see his on you, see him gritting his teeth, and his need. "Come on, you can do it for me, _say it so I can_ _gi_ -so you can take it."

You don't know how, but you must say it, because his knees are on the bed now, your ankle is gripped to bruising by one of his hands and your waist by the other, and he's fucking you. Hard and deep, and good because you were, always are, for him.

He stops after making you come once, tight and hard and screaming around him, thick and hard inside you, and it didn't take him long.

He brings you water and sits on your bed until it's gone with that sad-happy squinty-eyed sorry-not-sorry look he sometimes gets, letting you catch your breath and your head, at least as much as you can.

He always gives you a break first when he knows he needs more.

When he knows it's going to take a bit longer to get back his balance, or whatever the hell it is he seems find between your legs on nights like these.

He's always had a thing about control. You don't ask about it anymore, but you assume it's because he's always needed it; like how he needed to decide specific things were okay to get dirty before he was ever willing to play outside when you were kids. He still works like that, and he gets less upset and weird about stuff now than he did then, so you guess it works for him, and that works for you.

You've got your own reasons for the give and take, but there are still things you don't know about him. Maybe you'll figure out the last of his secrets eventually, but Rome wasn't built in a day, and you know what?

It probably wasn't built in twelve years either.

_"Kuro'kn?"_  
_"Hm?"_  
_"How long did it take to build Rome?"_  
_"Two days."_  
_"Whuuat!"_  
_"I mean, at least. Right?"_  
_"I'll hurt you."_  
_"Heh. Uh, about twelve... hundred years."_  
_"Wha."_  
_"I think."_

It's late, or early now, and he's brought you close again one too many times.

"Do you need me to stop so we can keep playing, or are you done?"

He was _rough_. So desperate and needy in that dark, demanding way. He's cooling off now, breathing easier and playful again, but you're feeling just about the exact opposite.

"You've got to tell me, or I _miiight_ -"  
"Waitwaitwait, _wait_."  
"Shh, you're fine. You're fine."  
"Nnnnno, too close too close-"  
"Breathe, you're ok. I'm _barely_ going to touch y-"  
"No, I can't."  
"Oh come on. You won't come just from _this_."  
"Nonono-"  
"Alright alright. My hands are gone, they're gone."

Now you can breathe.

He has you laid out beneath him on your bed, on his knees with your legs draped over his thighs. His cock fills you perfectly, even though the bastard isn't _fucking_ moving it. His hands, his fingers, his nails, his callouses, scrape over the pink marks they've left across your thighs and hips, and the dark, bruised evidence of his mouth on your chest and stomach.

You're a _mess_. He looks haughty when he takes his hands away. You whine, and he digs his thumbs into your hips, fingers into your back, and tugs you up, closer. It's as deep as he can possibly be inside you and-

"Now come."

Finally, your permission, and it's perfect, because you need it and he looks perfect and you like the way he's made you look too. You move y-

"Don't move. Just come."

He's- no. No, he can't do this.

He needs to fuck you, you need him to fuck you. You can feel it, your skin feels tight, you need to m-

"Stop trying to move. I said come."

 _What the fuck_ , is what you think, and it must show in your eyes, because he presses you rougher into the bed and his hands rougher into you. He squeezes your hips and you cry out, and he moves one hand to your shoulder, pinning you and leaning down closer to your face. The coarse hairs above his cock rub against your clit, and you cry out again. He's so pretty leaning over you like this, and he smells so good, and- he is so, so fucking _mean_.

"Come just having my cock inside you." You can't move under his hold, and when he grabs your face and turns it toward him, you can't move under the weight of his dark eyes and even darker, teasing tone. "Come, just for how much you love looking at me." His smirk is evil when he turns your face away, pressed into your sheets, and he whispers into your ear. "Come because I told you to, and you want to be good for me."

_Can you even believe the gall of this cocky, pun very much intended, fucking ass-_

"I want to watch you, so come for me."

He's... is he, begging? Has he left you shaking and bruised and desperate, torturing you near to tears and now, _he's begging?_

The realization makes you throb, forces an involuntary shudder through your legs and what must be a slightly too-smug smirk onto your face.

He's not begging anymore. "I _said_ stop moving, and come on my fucking cock."

He twists your face back to his, glaring, and you do.

"I want to fee-oh." As soon as he feels it (and no one, _no one_ , will ever, _ever_ fucking find out about this), he throws his head back with his mouth hung wide open, almost as wide as his eyes, like he didn't even actually expect it to work. " _Ohhly fucking sh_ -you're so good, _fuck_ me, you're fucking perfect. _Ahn, ah_ fuck you're so pretty when you fucking come for me _mmm_."

That is, kind of fucking _annoying..._ buuut, at least he's fucking you through it now.

He kisses you, and you can't tell if he's been holding himself just as close as he had you, or if your orgasm was just injected directly into his ego. "You want mine? Huh? You want my come now?"

 _Yes_. In fact, _immediately_ would be prefera-

"Wanna make you come again for me, yeah?"

 _What?!_ "I, _ffuK_ uroo! I can't-"

"For me you can though, right?"

If he weren't so cute, so goddamn pretty, and if he weren't fucking you so fucking hard and deep and perfectly, it would be much easier to tear his arms off and beat him to death with them.

"If it's me, r-right?" He's done. So perfectly, beautifully fucking done. " _Fuckfuck_ I, want you to come when I come, so- _ahhff_ , you'll do it, right?"

" _Mmh_ ," you mumble, not even wanting to hear yourself admit it.

"Yes? _Fuckaah_ -you, you can do it if it's for me?"

"Y-yes."

" _Fuuc-king god_ yes. Okay, yeah. Come on then, _fuc_ -show me." He rolls his thumb over your clit, presses down on your stomach, and he's weak. Lips pressed against yours, wet and panting, he lets you taste his words. " _Ohh, shit mmn_. Make me _fucking_ come."

You dig your hells into his ass, arching your back and body into his, and you do.

It was wonderful, fantastic, perfect even, but you're not going to just let him suffocate you to death.

You let him collapse on top of you for a minute or two, let him catch his breath, and as soon as you feel his lips start quirking up into a stupid grin, you push him off the bed.

"What the _hell_ was that?!"

"Ow! What? I'm sorry it's, you know. It's uh, my... my low self esteem." He can't possibly sound _more_ like he is making this up on the spot. "Yeah, I need to hear it every once and a while, you see? So I don't sink into the overwhelming depths of despair over my, you know, just... general lack of sex appeal."

You might have believed he was possessed by the spirit of an ancient sex demon, but what he just said is way too far-fetched. "You are literally-literally, like _not_ figuratively-literally, garbage."

"I hated that sentence so much." He smiles softly as he gets up off the floor. "I also hate you now for saying it."

" _Get_ the fuck-" It's one of _those_ smiles, and he's so obviously been cured of whatever it was he felt he needed to be cured of tonight, so you can't help yourself. You smile back. "Uhg. Just clean me, _then_ get the fuck out of here, damn dirty idiot."

He lets out a dramatic groan. "Uhhhhguh! Can't _you_ just do it?"

"Bring me my phone. I'm calling the kink gods right this second, and I'm telling on you."

"I'm going! I was just joking... jeez."

You knew, but he's cute, and you're tired and satisfied, and glad he seems to be both of those things too now.

It's also cute when he dashes out of your room to get you a towel and more water, which is why you whip a book at his bare ass on the way out.

You sleep ( _read: pass the fuck out_ ) soundly, and he does too - which is surprising. Normally he complains about the couch for a short eternity in the mornings whenever he stays over.

A few weeks later, the first week-long training camp of third year arrives. It's the first one everyone is there for, and final rosters and cuts have been made, so they get to really size each other up.

'First Week' isn't the shit-show 'Camp-Camp' always is (more on _that_ later), but it's being hosted by your school this year, and you've heard some interesting rumors that a certain, annoyingly talented, team might be joining in on the fun for the first time.

A few days before it starts, you get a message from Kuroo that alters your First Week plans slightly, but at the end of the day, it's Not Really a big deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end of another part! im so excited for THE SHIT we bout to get in. started revealing some bits in youngish and experimented a bunch but-oh! gee, i wonder what its like when kuros dating... wonder... what.. you'll.. do...
> 
> please tell me what you think and do a kudos if you made it. i left things open and non-explicit, so im curious how it reads to someone outside my head. like, what you think could happen down the line, what (if anything) you picked up (or think you have) that wasn't said outright etc.
> 
> TYTY if you made it this far im so proud ov u


	15. FWD1 - Almost Exclusively

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ready for another ride?  
> First Week, Day One.

**PLETHORA PART ONE:**   
**First Week, Day 1 - Almost Exclusively**

_"Holy. Fucking. Crap."_

It's the first day of First Week, and it turns out the rumors were true.

_"Why are they so...?"_

You are immediately suspicious of the new arrivals, because they're the last to pull up in front of your school, last to enter the gym, and you are forced to wonder if they somehow _expected_ how much of a disastrous shit-show it would have been had they arrived a mere twenty minutes earlier.

_"Great fuck, they're incredibly, insanely..."_

If that wasn't the case, if it was just a 'happy coincidence' that they missed the hour of _literal satanic hell_ that is unloading eight buses of varyingly ill-mannered, hyper _dipshits_ at once... had they perhaps wanted to make an entrance? And is it even possible to determine which of those would be _more_ pretentious?

_"...ridiculously, absurdly, unbelievably..."_

As the Inarizaki team lines up inside the main gym to bow and thank your staffers for the 'invite' (likely desperate begging, knowing them), you are far from being the only one whose eyes can't quite decide between gawking and glaring; every pair in the gym is trained on them.

 _"...stupidly fucking_ HOT!"

It might have been more tasteful had your shouting not also involved accusatory pointing, but any possibility of that was destroyed when half of them turned to look directly at you, and you thought it best to quickly turn your back to them despite every other person in the room doing the exact opposite.

" _Wooow_ , oh my _god_. You must be _so-ho-ho_ embarrassed right now."

"Why yes Satori, I _am_. You're _such_ a good friend for noticing and doing literally nothing to _help me right now oh my god please_!"

The best 'help' Tendou can muster is turning around to join you in looking like a complete fucking jackass, and your concern over just how weird this week could get grows exponentially when _Oikawa_ suddenly shouts, "Can we not afford air conditioning in this place!? Is this the _inner_ city or something!? It's too hot!"

It's much more normal when he leans over to the side awkwardly to whisper _you owe me KiKi_ in your ear, and the renewed desire to slit his throat is comforting.

Once you deem it safe to turn back around, you can't help yourself. New people are far too exciting.

"Whoa look at _that_ one."  
"Does, he even wanna _be_ here?"  
"Looks like... _ohmygod!_ It's bu-bo-wah help!"  
"Gasp! It's B-Bizarro Bokuto!"  
"YES! Yes, oh my god thank you."

Tendou isn't a huge help when you're socially falling from grace, but he does know how to pluck stuff out of your brain when you can't. Which is great, because Inarizaki's captain really _does_ look like some kind of weird, inverted Bokuto, and his expression makes you think it's not just on the outside.

"Check out _that_ guy."  
"Whu? Who? Where?"  
"SadSad-SemiSemi."  
"Wow! Haha!"

You can't help but hack out a gross guttural laugh when Tendou motions toward the guy who caught your eye originally, because now you're picturing someone having a bucket full of melancholy, then choosing to dump it directly onto Eita Semi's head.

"Wha! That guy's not Japanese!"  
" _Rrrr_ raaayycist..."  
"Don't _sing_ that wor-ah. _Shit_."

You mutter an unheard apology to the dark-skinned guy, and try really hard not to wonder if he speaks Japanese well enough for you to ask him if he might want to maybe make out with you sometime.

"Eeah! Don't look."  
"Huh-oh!"  
"Is that _Robocop_?!"

 _What are these guys_ , you think, and it might be the last thing you _ever_ think, because your roaming eyes land on the next one in line, and the thinking part of your brain suddenly shrivels up, and fucking _dies_.

"Who. In the actual fuck. Is _that_."  
"Euh _guh_. Miya. Atsumu _fucking_ Miya."  
"He's like, Yuuji. Only... hot. _Really_ hot."

"Whua?! Hey! I heard my name!"  
"Er, _he_ yah... Terushkuuun."

"Hey Ten...dou? That's a really, uhm, super-suspicious greeting. _Anyways_... what're you guys talking about?"

"That guy over there who looks like you but hot."  
"HEY! What th-oh. Fuck."  
" _Yee_ ip. He's a setter. Good one too."

"What's this? Have we found ourselves _another_ member for the pretty setter squad? _Heehee_."

Even though he does that giggle that makes you want to pinch his chee-er, _punch his face_ , Oikawa has a point.

Sugawara, Akaashi, Semi, Kenma, Sakishima with his freckles, even that freak new kid from Karasuno; you kind of wonder if being born pretty makes you a setter, or if you just get pretty once you become one.

It's beside the point though.

"You know I hate it when you say setter squad 'Kawa."  
"You know I don't care what you think Kiki."  
"You know I'm about to kick your flat ass shithead?"  
"You know I'd like to see you try gremlin?"

Tendou worms a hand between you and Oikawa, eyes darting back and forth like he's worried he might get killed in the crossfire, which, to be fair, is fair.

Unfortunately, you aren't actually able to murder Oikawa now, because Terushima very suddenly locates the nuclear code that destroys the remainder of your brain.

"Uh, guys? I think there's... two of him."

On a regular day, you keep a healthy distance between yourself and the sad, drooling pervert type, but you're closer to _eating_ the high horse than you are to riding it.

Mouth filling with saliva, practically overflowing, you find yourself stuttering _"t-twins?"_ and it slithers out sounding degenerate enough to surprise even you.

Everyone in hearing range gives you a disgusted look, but they only get to for a second, because you're saved by the whistle that means day one is officially starting, and you are free to get to work. You aren't willing to say it was more like _running away in shame_ , but everyone else will.

Contrary to popular belief, you actually do work around here; there is purpose to your presence.

All of these gigantic, sweaty, self-important _idiots_ would be eating dryer lint and wearing their shoes on the wrong damn feet if you and the other girls weren't constantly running around behind the scenes taking care of things.

Of course, that isn't to say you aren't looking for ways to get out of doing these 'things' without incurring any wrath one hundred percent of the time, but still.

You plan to blame these million menial tasks, as well as the entirety of the Inarizaki team, for your poor handling of the day's events - up to and including: your alarmingly slow brain function, general state of distraction, and downright astonishing levels of idiocy.

Later, you might decide to blame everything else that plagues your entire accursed existence on them as well, because when the universe spoon feeds you the first clue to your being royally, absolutely, _categorically_ fucking _fucked_ , you don't even notice it.

Eh... it'll be easier to just blame it all on Kuroo.

You're filling an armful of water bottles at a fountain in the hall, and when you turn around to see someone bent over drinking from the one behind you, _fuck me upside down, that is a damn fine fucking ass_.

"I can feel your disgusting thoughts."

 _Fucking stupid training jerseys_ , you think, when Kuroo stands and turns around. It's true that your eyes follow his hand much too closely when he lifts it, but you also don't think it's fucking _necessary_ for him to look like _that_ while simply wiping water from his mouth.

When the bottles slip out of your arms and one of them seems to have had a fucking _explosive_ hidden inside it, you think it was _so_ unnecessary, in fact, that you lift one of your now-drenched legs, and use it to knee him into the wall before storming off.

You're picking up a couple of stray balls from the corners of the gym so you can toss them into the bins where they belong, and when you happen to glance over _fuck yeah, just a little more, come on, aaall the way up_.

"Don't get distracted! Focus on the ball!"

 _Nice 'coincidental broadcast' Kuro-kun_ , you think.

You _also_ think he could have used his arm to wipe the sweat from his face, or maybe even a sledgehammer, or perhaps tried doing _literally anything_ other than dragging his shirt up over his abs, pinkies trailing over the exposed wet _(and_ _why the fuck does it have to be wet!?)_ , skin. He also probably didn't _need_ to do it in slow-fucking-motion.

He's not even winning, so the grin on his face when he finally drops the shirt to glare across the court makes you angry enough to hit the next person you see in the face with one of those _fucking_ stray balls.

You still don't notice anything off by lunch, despite your embarrassment after dropping a stack of plates in the middle of the cafeteria when you hear-

_"Mmmhm yes, so good. Ah, fuck it's so fucking good. I need more."_

Surely, you think. _Surely_ the burnt grilled cheese made an hour ago are _not_ fucking delicious enough to warrant anything of the sort coming out of _anyone's_ mouth.

He _has_ always liked grilled cheese as a guilty pleasure, so even though you weren't aware that he also apparently wants to _fuck_ grilled cheese, you don't gouge his eyes out with the broken shards of glass you are forced to clean up off the floor.

You're hanging shirts over the railing on the balcony to dry, and Kuroo is sliding the leg of his shorts up over his thigh to show off a bruise he has there.

Wet jerseys slap against heads when they fall to the floor.

You're coming back from the laundry room, and Kuroo is leaning back under a tree pouring water over his head like he's practicing for what you _assume_ is his leading role in fucking _Flashdance_.

Arms empty, you have to go _back_ to the laundry room.

You're dragging a bag of volleyballs from the storage room to the gym, and Kuroo is crouched down looking up at Hinata with this serious-yet-gentle look on his face.

The cord holding the bag closed releases and sends the balls all over the field, and you couldn't give half enough of a fuck to pick them up before storming away, because why do your fucking _ovaries_ hurt now.

You're carrying two trays full of food and drinks, and Kuroo- _wait. No_.

Maybe you're finally beginning to catch on, because you stop dead in your tracks and grip the trays for dear life when you see Kuroo standing beside a picnic table.

He... doesn't actually seem to be doing anything though.

You aren't quite sure why, but a feeling of relief washes over you, and you manage to make it to where you were going, trays in tact.

You turn around after setting the trays down, and _fucking hell_ , you're _Moses_ now apparently. For _some_ reason, the sea of dumbasses has parted, giving you a direct visual path to _fuck me jesus_ , Kuroo sucking grease or sauce or _who gives a fuck what_ off of his fingers with his head thrown back to keep his hair out of the way.

Your Egyptian army is Hana and Mattsun, who flank you to ask if you need water or crutches or if they should spray you with a hose. You figure the trays you just set down were clearly Final Destination-ed to wind up on the ground anyway, so shoving one into each of their chests isn't even a big deal.

The day carries on in this general fashion, and you're just a little bit _on-fucking-edge_ by the end of it.

However, it isn't until after they've played the last official practice of the day, when you're carrying one of the rolled up nets back to storage, filled with an unsettling sense of vague paranoia, that you understand.

Even you aren't dumb enough to think there is a single logical fucking explanation for why Kuroo's hands should be _that_ fucking far up Bokuto's thighs - covered in that terrible-smelling soothing lotion or not.

"Feel good Bo?"

Bokuto responds with a whiny groan, but you do wonder why Kuroo seemed to be asking _you_ the question, and following that train of thought leads to wondering why he needs to be looking through his bangs with a smirk on his face as he gets back to work, quite adeptly, apparently, if Bokuto's groaning is any indicator.

Once you've untangled yourself from the net, it hits you like an incredibly slow-moving truck.

You are going to need to find something, preferably some _one_ , to fuck.

And fast.

With everyone mulling about for dinner, it's the perfect opportunity to figure out your options (far away from any sharp objects, breakable items, or fucking _Kuroos_ ).

Those Inarizaki guys are _deadly_ , but you don't even know their names. You haven't yet decided if you're above it, but you're fairly certain lines like _what's your name wanna fuck_ , only work in the movies.

So why not start with Karasuno? Sugawara is so pretty it's almost rude, but you would, for one, rather be shot in the knee, and for two, Koushi would prefer someone who has at least one more Y chromosome. While on the topic of Sugawara's preferences _and_ things Kuroo has explained to you using more detail than you would have liked, there's always Sawamura, and _no thank you_.

Seijoh? More like Seij- _no fucking way_. You would be murdered instantly in cold blood for even _thinking_ about touching half the guys on that team, and the other half are either infants, or the ones who would far-too-happily be doing the murdering.

You might have had fun finding out how just how red Moniwa's face could get, but Date Tech's third years seem to have quit early, and while you can admit (silently and strictly to yourself) Futakuchi does have a certain not-entirely-hideous look about him, _fuck that immediately_.

Speaking of third years ditching the team, Johzenji... _no_. Just, no. Maybe someday? No. Now isn't the time to hook up with Terushima. Never, you mean. Probably? Certainly, rather. _Definitely not now and also possibly maybe never someday_. Moving on.

Nohebi has some actual options. Firstly, fucking Suguru Daisho would be _hilarious_ , almost worth it for the reaction alone, but you aren't really interested, and there's a good chance Kuroo would have you bathed in bleach, girlfriend or not. Numai and Sakishima are cute... but Koji Hiroo is _hot as fuck_. Unfortunately, you've been working on _that_ for a while now, and you need someone _yesterday_.

When it comes to Fukurodani? Bokuto, hot. Akaashi, hot. Konoha, hot. At the same time though... Bokuto, _idiot_. Akaashi, _scary_. And Konoha, would likely try to have you _committed_ for asking. He's also already tried to have you committed, you're pretty sure, so _no_.

Skipping _right the fuck_ over Nekoma, the only team left to scour is Shiratorizawa. Those guys really don't know how to disappoint, do they? So hot... yet so... _fuck_. You _can't_ fuck any of _them_ , it's just not reasonable!

Is this really what your life has come to?

Every guy here is either too stupid, too annoying, too gay, or _just fucking no_. You aren't even being that picky but- _oh shit_. Could it be... Kuroo's hotness has somehow gravitationally lowered the hotness of anyone who comes within a ten-mile radius of him?!

It's too depressing to think about.

Also, impossible.

_Hopefully._

Options expended, you realize you're just going to have to avoid _him_ at all costs for the remainder of the week in order to make it through this in one piece, and a healthy dose of whatever the opposite of sobriety is should help.

Luckily, you know just the place to do both of those things at once, and just the person do them with.

By seven o'clock, you and Tendou are making good use of the old, run-down locker rooms that still haven't been torn down despite your school having built new facilities before you were even in first year.

He's brought something fun.

Active on the mind and the emotions, but slow and soothing on the body. It's that easy, friendly smoke that leaves you melting into each other on the floor, but buzzing with ideas and opinions and touchy.

In a moment of comfortable silence between the laughs and story sharing, a thought pops into your head.

"Satori? You ever think about fucking?"

Tendou twists his body toward you and props his head up on a hand, elbow digging into the cold concrete floor. He inhales with a raised brow, blowing the smoke out directly in your face before answering, flatly.

"Almost exclusively."

"Idiot." You grin, sucking his expended smoke into your own mouth rather than batting it away, too lazy to lift your arm. "I mean, _us_ fucking. Like you and me."

He doesn't hide his confusion.

"Do I-uweh? _Waii-_ what... what is this?"

In fact, he plays it up like he thinks he might be on a hidden camera prank show.

"It's a serious question," you tell him, taking the joint from his hand.

And, maybe it is or maybe it isn't.

You obviously like him, and you think that you quite like the way he looks too. He's not like the rest of them, or anyone else really, and he's about as different from Kuroo as can be, which might be exactly what you need right now, come to think of it. He's just been a friend for so long, and he's never mentioned wanting anything like that from you, and the two of you have never exactly been hard-up for things to keep you from boredom, so it's only ever been a passing, almost-unconscious thought.

He looks at you, still with that goofy-confused half smile, but his face also tells you he's genuinely curious, and a bit suspicious too. Tendou's face is really good at saying things, and he always lets it.

Most people (like Kuroo) have this _look_. It's this quick flash of an expression that says _oops, I let my inside show on the outside_. You haven't mastered it, but you know if you ever see it on Satori, he's doing it on purpose.

You're getting distracted.

He mixes the tiniest bit of concern into his expression, sitting up cross legged before taking the joint back from you, inhaling before he speaks. He holds it in until he's finished talking. " _Ohkay_... but. Is it a _serious_ question that you _seriously_ want the answer to?" He blows out a gasping breath when he's done.

You sit up to face him, knees touching. "Yeah."

Each of you take a turn with the smoke, and the silence feels longer because time feels slower.

It makes you feel a bit like you're watching a scene in a movie. It's quiet, and kinda cold in here. The room is foggy from the smoke, and has that 'people don't come here' vibe, especially with the sun going down. It makes you feel tense. Surreal, like your grip on _being_ is wobbly.

Again, you find yourself wanting to take a picture of him, and it feels warm to think he's just so cool. Is it because you feel something like pride, or is it because cool friends must mean you're cool? That doesn't seem right. Actually, it seems kinda shitty. Heh, _lol_. What is he though, your _son_? Are you _Dadchi_ now, proud of the boys?

_"Huehu..."_

You're getting a bit off topic, but your accidental out-loud sound makes Tendou grin, and that tenseness leaves.

"Eh, alright. You answer first."  
"Did I not do that just by asking?"

He inhales. "Touché." He exhales. "Yes."

 _"RRREEEEEEee_ ally?!"

Yes, you do _wish_ that hadn't come out sounding exactly like a car coming to sudden stop on wheels made of fresh cheese curds, but obviously, it did.

"What the FUCK! You said you _wanted_ the answer!"

You chuckle that he was startled, settling back into the melting calm, immediately unbothered by the situation or his answer, which he rolls his eyes at.

"Neat. Why?"  
" _Waaait_ a minute... are you, stupid?"  
"Uh, further study needed?"

You lie back on the floor, feeling very, _super_ , maybe even almost _too_ , high. You offer him a dumb grin and the smoke, and something about him gives you the feeling you might be missing something.

"Ignoring the fact that I've thought about fucking literally every single person I've ever met, _usually_ by accident, _often_ regrettable," he grabs one of your arms, which you were sticking out over you like a frankenstein, and pulls you back to sitting. "Come _on_."

"Whuh?"  
"Come on."  
"I'dun get it."  
"Look, listen. _Understaaand_."  
"Quit that."  
"Do you think Kuroo is hot, by any chance?"  
"Come on."  
"Do ya _think_ you're the only one who noticed?"  
"'Course not."  
"And who does he fuck?"  
"You mean who _doesn't_ he fu-"

He sighs, and you think you can feel his mood, or his vibe, jittering off course from your own, but maybe it's the other way around. In your head, you imagine they flow like sound waves, trying to lull the other into following along with the pattern, and that's probably why people say _on the same wavelength_ , and you're off topic again.

"Look. Ki, the truth is, you're _kiiinda_... his."

It was at this point, you began to think that maybe this conversation wasn't quite so fun anymore. He certainly got your attention though.

" _Don't!_ Gah, don't _attack_ me you damn savage, I'm not saying anything like _that_."

Everyone is so obsessed with ownership. It's a bit fucked up, isn't it? You can't help but think so, even though you seem to be the odd one out when it comes to stuff like that. Maybe it's because most people are used to owning things, so they like it. Gross, you don't want to be thinking about things like that right now.

Tendou has more to say, even if you get the feeling you might wish he didn't. "Seriously, even _you_ can't be _that_ clueless, you've _got_ to know. I mean, _everyone_ knows."

You can only give him a look that you hope says _actually, I'm apparently exactly that clueless, because I've got no clue what the fuck you're talking about_ , only with a bit less self-deprecation involved.

He makes you wonder if he's been hanging out with Kuroo, but maybe there's just a global standard for _how is this idiot such an idiot_ expressions.

" _Obviously_ , 'cuz like I said, _everyone_ knows, someone like me _knows_ they don't have a chance in hell." He pinches the joint with his dexterous, spindly fingers, burning it down to the filter, and exhales. "Not when we already know it comes down to us, versus him."

Before you can really digest that incredibly depressing thought, your delirium strikes again. "I think he would explode and like, his head would become our planet's second sun if he heard you say that." _Heh_. "Kinda makes me wanna tell him just to see what happens."

"I would murder you, _soo_ , kinda pointless."  
"Is that what people think?"  
"Dunno, jus' pulled it outta my ass."  
"Fuck you."  
"Apparently you _want_ to."

You push him over, tickling and beating him up for a bit with an easy grin. You're glad for the subject swap; the time to loosen your grip on your thoughts. He pretends he's being brutally slaughtered rather than hardly even moved as you shake and mumble weak threats. It makes you laugh, and that makes your eyes squeeze shut, and that makes you see spots when you open them, so you collapse down beside him, huffing and lighter.

"Well you know what? I don't think I know how to feel about all that right now Satori." Maybe you've gotten so used to trying to stay out of his way, you never even considered he could get in yours. Then again, you've never felt like you had, or even _wanted_ to have, a 'way' for him to get in, so it probably doesn't really matter. "I'm pretty sure I hate it though."

He shrugs, and you do too. It's him that's gone off topic this time, and you decide to pull him back to it.

"Well then," you ask, rolling over to face him with your face resting on your hand. "Want a chance in hell?"

"Yes." He sounds honest, voice flat like he's stating a bland fact, or admitting something he's already admitted to. He pinches the end of the joint and blows the ash, sending it off like dust across the floor. "But fuck no."

"Damn."

You don't think you really expected anything else, so the acceptance comes as easily for both of you, as four does after two-plus-two.

"Is he dating again or something?"

You may have... patterns. Ones Tendou knows, most likely much more than he wants to, about.

In order to avoid _issues_ , Kuroo tells you when he's seeing someone, gives them a number between one and ten, and that's how you gauge interaction. Obviously the fuckery stops, but one girl he dated made a chat account using your photo (he caught on, she should really have used more emojis), suspicious because you were 'too close'. He doesn't date tens anymore, but it feels gross to be _that_ person, and you are just really good friends, but you _have_ also fucked him, like, _a lot_ , so you give however much space they want. If Not Really-san is a six like he said, you can pretty much act normal, but he won't come over alone, it's little things that ease the mind, you guess. He dated a one once, but that guy became an eight when he found out Kuroo is only _half_ gay.

It is what it is. Tendou knows how it goes.

"Yes- _uhg_. And he keeps fuckin- _uhg_. It's so annoying how he's just always just- _guh_. I hate that guy. Why's he have to always be going around all fuckin-"

"Existing?"  
"Exactly."  
"So you're frustrated."  
"Exactly."  
"Looking for a... re _place_ ment?"  
"Hey! I didn't say tha-"  
"Well what about-"  
"I've considered every available option."  
"Got so far down the list _I_ was on it, huh?"  
"I'm going to cry, literally right now."

You can't decide whether it feels worse to think he sees himself that way, or that he was technically right.

He explodes that thought pattern with a startling amount of precision and speed. "What about Wakatoshkun?"

"What?"  
"What?"  
"Is that a joke?"  
"N _ooo_... why not?"

You've never talked about it with him explicitly, but you definitely assumed. "Uh, crossing streams? I thought?"

"Holy fuck Ki." He smirks, a bit knowingly. "I love the guy, but I don't _buttfuck_ the guy." He laughs. "I probably _would_ buttfuck the guy, if he asked, but he hasn't. So buttfucks are currently not a thing we do together. As of right now, I am not actually buttfucking Wakat-"

"I fucking get it." Good lord, 'buttfuck' _is_ a pretty fun word to say, but not _that_ fun.

"O-M-G! Is he a _virgin_?"  
"Are you an _idiot_?"  
"Would you feel weird?"  
" _Are_ you an _idiot_?"  
"He wouldn't."  
"You might be surprised."

For a few more hours, you and Tendou sit and lay and stand and dance around the room like idiots together, smoking and talking about whatever dumb stray thought pops into your head, until you've both been gone for long enough that someone might come looking, and it's not just paranoia that makes neither of you want that.

He leaves you outside to go check out one of the gyms that still has light and squeaking sounds and voices coming from it.

Tendou definitely helped distract you for a while, but there's no way you're going with him, because there's only a select few people crazy or stupid enough to still be in there at this time of night, and you do not particularly feel like dealing with any of them.

You think you might not have needed to share that last joint with Tendou right before walking back to the dorms.

The grass looks _so_ green and shiny in the moonlight, and it's damp and tickles your sandaled feet as you walk across the expanse of the back fields, and now it feels like you're walking on a giant treadmill and you'll never make it there, and the thought gives you a quick, sharp jolt of fear, and that makes you stop and giggle to yourself because you're so stupid, and Ushiwaka looks just like an old man feeding ducks in a park the way he's sitting over there like tha- _waaait_.

"Ushijima-san?"

He turns his head to look back at you, so he is actually sitting there, and not just a slightly horrifying apparition like the giant treadmill thing.

You sit beside him without giving it a second thought, or even a first one, actually. He's a bit of an odd bird. You'll always take the opportunity to have one of the strange, quiet conversations he offers. Once you had a better idea of how to do it, talking with Ushijima became really fun.

"What'cha doing?"  
"Sitting, by this pond."  
"How come?"  
"There's a bench here."  
"Hm."  
"There wasn't one on the other side."  
"Yeah, someone wrote graffiti on it."  
"I see."  
"It was funny, but _really_ filthy."  
"Delinquents I assume."  
"Surely."

He doesn't seem bothered by your joining him in his 'sitting by this pond', so you make yourself comfortable by dangling your legs over the back of the bench, head hanging upside down, wetting your hair on the grass.

"Are you enjoying yourself?"  
"I, prefer it to being inside."  
"Fresh air?"  
"Quiet."  
"Oh. Sorry."  
"For what?"  
"Stealing your quiet."  
"Oh."  
"Do you want it back?"  
"Not particularly."  
"I see. Wanna talk about it?"  
"Not particularly."  
"Mind if I just sit here quiet with you then?"  
"Not p-"  
"-articularly?"

Looking across the water, you think it's more of a swamp than a pond. It's not natural, so the school must have had it dug out, and it's not very well cared for. You think they might as well just have it filled back in and start over, but you wonder what would Ushijima sit by then, and are glad they haven't. You crook your neck up to look at him, and he's staring out over the water too, but unlike Tendou, his expression tells you nothing, _ever_.

There is no fucking around when it comes to this guy, you think. Ushijima's entire existence is in direct opposition to subtlety. He's changed a lot since you guys were in first year, thanks and blame both resting on Tendou for a good amount of it, but he's still painfully straightforward, requires the same from anyone who wants to interact with him, and _goddamn if he isn't fine as all hell too_.

You let your head drop back down, looking away.

You sense him repositioning himself, and when you pull your head up again to see what he's doing, he's looking directly at you, same unreadable expression as ever.

Apparently, this triggers the _fuck it_ button in your brain.

Kind of embarrassing, because you both talk at the exact same time, and it's quite clear that you had been thinking about _significantly_ different things.

"Satori also has a habit of unnatural positioning."  
"Ushijima-san do you wanna have sex with me?"

_Ugh, you idiot. Maybe... he didn't hear it?_

"Alright."

It's not a big deal. He isn't going to mention it to anyone or start acting all weird around you, not any weirder than he just naturally is anyway. You already knew that's what he would say, so you- _waaaait_.

"What?"  
"Oh. It was a joke?"

_What the fu...?_

_Say something._

_Speak you fucking idiot!_

"Uhnno! No, of course it's not a joke! That would be so, fucked up, I just. I didn't expect you to say yes."

"I said alright."  
"Right..."  
"That is a joke."  
"Heh, r-right."

_Is this, a thing, that can, actually happen?_

"Would you like to have it here?"

_WHAT?!_

"I'm impartial to exhibitionism myself, though I do have a suggestion if you prefer privacy."

_This is, a thing._

_This can actually happen._

_Should this happen?_

You're sitting now, cross-legged on the bench beside him facing opposite directions, and you tilt to stare at his face.

_Fuck it._

"Lead the way, Ushijima-san."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First week, NIGHT one, incoming in a few hours ;) its basically done cuz i didn't want to split like this but it was too long so here we are. leave a comment or kudos to prove you exist.


	16. FWN1 - Undivided Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days usually have nights.  
> When day is too long for one chapter.

**PLETHORA PART TWO:**   
**First Week, Night 1 - Undivided Attention**

Wakatoshi Ushijima is the type of guy, or _man_ rather, who can suck up all the air in a room the moment he walks into it, if you let him. He commands attention merely by existing, and even more when his name walks in before him.

He doesn't _demand_ it though, generally preferring quiet the way he does, so Ushijima is also the type of man who can seem to take up no space at all, if you let him.

When you walk into this room with him, you go with the first option, but it doesn't feel much like 'letting'.

Your eyes don't leave him, and you're not completely sure they even could.

You don't want to look away anyway.

His voice is a deep, resonant sound that would be a whisper were he anyone else, and you follow suit in your own way once you're closed inside together.

It might be the high, or the week, or just him, but you think you might like to let him absorb you entirely.

You find yourself wanting to be as present as possible for this wholly odd moment, and decide it best that you offer him your undivided attention.

"Well this is unexpected."  
"Is it?"  
"Are _you_ a delinquent, Ushiwaka?"  
"Hm, I suppose so."

_Has he never considered it? That small sound is amused, right? It's... weirdly attractive Ushijima, but is it really okay for this to happen here?_

"Isn't this risky?"  
"This?"  
"Won't we get caught here?"  
"Is that an interest of yours?"  
"You're funny."

_Does he mean to be? Who knows. You've made the bed tightly Wakatoshi, despite owning it temporarily. It's militaristic almost, and if that isn't the least surprising discovery of all time._

"Will they not come check on you?"  
"No."  
"Really? So it's not everyone?"  
"It seems the right to delinquency is earned."  
"I see. Ushijima-kun is abusing the system."  
"On occasion."

_Now that is unexpected. Who would have imagined, the great Ushijima has been making such use of the coaches and staffers expectations of him. He really is funny._

"Satori is a bad influence on you."  
"You and he are similar."  
"He's _my_ bestie too, not just yours."  
"Best implies singular."  
"Careful there, _Wakatoshkuun_."

_He has two and half different expressions. Blank, of course, unimpressed, which I've just seen, and he can make it halfway to a smile if I stumble upon something he happens to find amusing._

"Do you have that in common as well?"  
"What?"  
"Are you also, a bad influence?"  
"I guess that depends."  
"On?"  
"Just how bad are you already, Ushijima-san?"

_No muscle movement, not even a twitch, but that blank face still somehow looks different when he's saying something like that. Fuck he's... handsome. Does he even know what he's doing? His eyes, fuck, even his voice. I want them both trained on me._

"I've only heard the opposite."  
"Heh, _ooo_. You're good at this."  
"I dislike mediocrity."  
"Maybe that's why I'm here."

_Is Wakatoshkun going to stop surprising me at any point tonight? Not likely, the way things are going so far. Is this really happening? Is that really the face I'm looking at tonight?_

"Hm."  
"What?"

_He's getting bumped up to three whole expressions, because he can apparently look halfway confused as well, though... it's more contemplative, maybe._

"I assumed you were here because of some issue involving that mediocre blocker, Nekoma's captain?"

_This night is obviously going to be incredibly difficult on the mind. Sorry brain._

"Do... you not know his name, Ushiwaka?"  
"Should I?"  
"Unless your memory is mediocre..."  
"I know it."  
"I don't know if I should believe you now."

_He's like... a sexy Cthulhu. Him, and this, seem to fit the very definition of cosmic horror._

"When we're done, let me know if you still remember it. I can remind you then, if you'd like."

_Yep, fear and awe, in the face of phenomena beyond comprehension. So far outside your understanding of what is real and possible, and what is not, that it elicits insanity._

"Wow."  
"Is that not what you came for?"  
"Huh?"  
"A way to forget his name?"  
"Not exactly, but I'm not against the idea."  
"Would you rather forget your own?"

_I think I'd like to let him drive me mad. What's one night of mind-breaking insanity? One more, I guess._

"Wow."  
"Apologies. I've had, hm. Bad influences."  
"Is that so?"  
"This won't be my first time."  
"I can tell."  
"Hm."  
"Maybe we both have something to forget."  
"Hm."

_Does he? Is it a something Wakatoshi? Or a someone? Has somebody been trying, maybe given up on, seeing just how many different faces you can make?_

"To answer your question, I'm just here for fun."  
"Curing boredom."  
"Sure. Does that offend you?"  
"I wouldn't think so."  
"Good. It's also because you're _stupid_ hot."  
"Should that offend me?"  
"I wouldn't think so."

_I guess he thinks I want to use him. I guess he's right, but it could be more right to say I want to find out what it's like to be used by him. Oh? Were you feeling tense? I didn't notice but, your shoulders relaxed._

"I'm relieved to hear that."  
"Are you?"  
"Yes. You should know first, I'm quite... busy."  
" _Hahaha_."  
"Oh. I wasn't making a joke."  
"I know, sorry. It's just, that's my line Ushiwaka."  
"I see."

_Adorable. He's cute. Haven't heard that in awhile. Was he the last person on Earth to worry I might be looking for that? Maybe I should have left him be. Why did he agree to this? I could have been anyone, talk about right idiot, right time._

"Anything I should know?"  
"About?"  
"What do you like? Anything you don't like?"  
"Oh."  
"Are you surprised?"  
"I've not answered those questions before."

_What an interesting way to phrase that, Wakatoshkun._

"Well, how am I supposed to make your fantasies a reality, if I don't know what they are, Wakatoshi-kun?"

_What does he fantasize about, anything? Does he even have time for things like that? Maybe it's just a means to an end for him, one of those types. Or maybe... does his power on the court make him want to be broken down? Do you seek to dominate in everything you do?_

"Ushijima-san."  
"Should I call you that then?"  
"I would appreciate it."  
"All the time?"  
"Just, now is fine."  
"Ah. I see."

_I should have known. He dislikes mediocrity, after all._

"I ask the same of you then."  
"Preferences?"  
"Yes."  
"Hmm..."

_It's difficult to have his attention, intense. What are you hiding behind that blank expression now, Wakatoshi Ushijima?_

"There is no need to feel sh-"  
"I want to see Ushijima-san lose control."  
"Control?"  
"Yeah. You're hard to read, you know that?"  
"I've heard."

_From who, Wakatoshi-kun? Don't be shy, he says. Heh, I wonder if you're really ready for what you're asking._

"I want to see what your face looks like when you _feel_ so good you can't _think_. So lose yourself and _take_ , alright? I don't want you to think. What will you choose then? I'm interested in your instincts, Ushijima-san. I wanna find out how many different expressions you've got, and I've already seen the thinking one."

_Can you even do that Ushijima? Let go? How great would it be to see his face all scrunched up, his mouth hanging open... begging? Ah, it might be nice to break him too, but this is almost too much as it is. Shouldn't be greedy._

"I see."  
"Is that alright with you?"  
"How is your tolerance for pain?"  
"You're good at this."  
"You mentioned."

_Like to get rough Wakatoshi? All that strength, I'd wanna use it too if it were mine. Do you want to see the proof of all that hard work you do on someone's skin?_

"I guess you _do_ have have some fantasies after all, don't you Ushijima-san? In _that_ case, just try to remember I'm not a volleyball. We should be fine."

_I can take a good slap to the ass, but absolutely no one can take -that- slap to the ass. Heh, let's do this._

"I'm aroused."  
"I've only taken my clothes off."  
"Fully."  
"Now _I'm_ aroused."  
"How would you like me to start?"  
"Shouldn't you be telling me, Ushijima- _san_?"  
"Telling?"  
"Use your words, get what you want."

_There's that contemplative look again. Are your cheeks pink Wakatoshi? Do you like what you see?_

"I'd like to... hm."  
"Whatever it is, I've heard worse. Way worse."  
"I'd like to skip the warm up."  
"Efficient."  
"Have I crossed a line?"  
"Of course not. I get it."  
"I'm not sure I do."

 _He doesn't like that. Guess it's something he doesn't know about himself, maybe that's unsettling for him. He knows he wants to be raw and savage, to abandon his manners, but not why. Four whole expressions in one night, is your head as scrambled as mine Ushiwaka?_

"I feel the same. We may have different reasons."  
"You said that you want me to take."  
"I did."  
"That is, what I would like to do."  
"Prove it."

_Holy shit this is real. He's real, really tal-oh my god he's fucking cut. Could grate cheese on him for sure. What the fuck does this guy eat? Who gives a shit. Undressing means nothing to you, does it Ushijima? Making me feel small standing there like that. How could I forget? Let's see if there is any truth to the legen-_

"Oh, my, _god_."  
"So I've heard."  
"It _is_ bigger than Bo-kun."  
"Hm."  
 _Idiot._ "Sorry! Sorry, I just-"  
"I wasn't offended."  
"Right, heh. Uh... please go slow?"  
"I'm aware of how to operate my own body."  
"Well _that's_ good! How about mine?!"  
"If you breathe, it will be easier."

_I must be a saint. Must be a good person after all, I mean, how the hell else could I be seeing Ushijima spit into his own hand and oh fuck, stroking himself. I can't not look he's, oh right. I'm here too._

"Are you ready?"  
"I-I think so."  
"The pain won't last long."  
"Oh-okay."  
"At least, I've been told."  
"I, trust you."

_Interesting. I think I actually do. His eyes are so fucking intense, does he find it interesting too? Oh, his hands. They're, so rough. You do more with those than just play volleyball, don't you? That's it, put me where you want me. I already decided to belong to you tonight._

"Oh. You're, the grip is..."  
"Something wrong?"  
"I, expected you to have had..."  
"What?"  
"More, experience."

_Classic Ushijima. You're lucky I know you well enough to take it as a compliment you sexy, stupid man._

"I'm going to enter you now."  
"Fucking hell."  
"Please remember to breathe."  
"Your hotness is so fucking weir _dahh!"  
_ "Too much?"  
 _"Oh'mg ahh, whaa..."  
_ "I'll slow down. I prefer you keep speaking."  
"Don't you fucking dare."

 _This is the limit. It has to be. There's no room inside for any_ -"ahow, hmnn"- _thing but him._

"I ap-ologize."  
 _Did he just?_ "Ahhw-why?"  
"It will hurt."  
"Ushijima-san? I can take it."  
"H _-mmm_."

_More. I've never wanted anything in my fucking life more than I want to hear that fucking sound come out of his fucking mouth again. It already hurts Ushijima-san, let me hear the sound again, I don't care._

"Ahh! _Mnhm_ hmn, _ah_ ow."  
"You-use words I don't-"  
" _Mmm_ 're, ah!"  
"I'd like y-ou to assure me that you can- _hm_."  
"Uhnm, _ahhh_ -"  
"Can you st-ill say, _ha_ , stop."  
"Yes! Ushijima-san I- _ahh_."  
"I'll take what I want now."

 _Wanted to see his face, wanted to catalog them. Can hardly open my eyes, he fucks so hard, wasn't ready, feels good, hurts. Ah, yes, more of those sounds Ushijima-san, please. Eases the pain so well. He's going to break me. I want to let him break me_.

"Is, this e _h_ njoyable, for you?"  
"Yea _asshi_ i-t _ahh_."  
"I'm causing you p-ain."  
" _Mm_ -ore, Ushijima-san."  
"A t-ruly wanton, i _m_ proper woman."

_Hahahaha, can I open my eyes? Want to see him saying adorable things like that. It hurts less, your stuttering made me wet Wakatoshi, do you know that? Did he want to say something else?_

"You can say, _ahh_ , slut. If you, _hmn_ , want."  
"No."  
"Such a gentlem _ahh_ n, Ushijima-san."  
"I don't feel like a ge- _fuck_."

_I'm going to come. A new word, and a new expression, at the same time. Again Wakatoshi-kun, show me again._

"You are, nearing climax. _C_ -orrect?"  
"You're so lucky you h _ahh_ ve this cock."  
"M-y apologies but I'm, quite close."  
" _Fuuuu_ ck. Yes, _yes_."  
"I don't usually-I, normally I' _hm_."

_It's going to end. He's hardly gotten to try anything, no Wakatoshi, please. Use the night we've got. I, I wanted everything you have. I'm greedy, I want more._

"T-tu _urhh_ n me _ohh_ ver."  
" _Hm_ , pardon?"  
"Pull _out_ , and _fuck_ me from behind."

_Why, why no, why did he stop, oh right. I asked for this, but he's not-why isn't he?_

"A demand?"  
"Huh?"  
"Were you, telling me?"  
"I-?"  
"I've always found you ill-mannered."  
"Oh..."  
"Abrasive. Shameless. Vulgar."  
"Oh?"  
"Yes. You are, undisciplined."

_Oohhhh. Oh. Fuck. Holy shit okay, I can do this. I really hope I'm not doing that gross grinch smile but-_

"You gonna _discipline_ me, _Wakatoshi-kun_?"  
"I would very much like to."  
"Prove it."

_Very much? Wakatoshi, you might as well have said you've never wanted anything so badly in your entire life. If you slap my ass any harder, it might actually make me a better person._

"You-r, the back of y _oh_ r neck is-"  
"Again, _ahhhh_ -"  
"S-tupid hot."  
"Ha! _Ahh_ , you're so good at this, Ushijima-san."  
" _Hmm_."

_Did you maybe want to put your hands there, is that it, Wakatoshi-kun? What did I tell you?_

"T- _ahm_. _Take_ , Ushijima-san."  
"I- _n_. I won't, last."  
"Don't, _mmn_ , wan'you too."  
"Ushijima-san."  
"Hm?"  
"Could-or, _hm_. Say it."

_Can't get it all in one night, can I? Some people need practice letting go. Desire is a heavy door, will this crack it open a bit more for you? Will you want what you want?_

"Should I beg, Ushijima-san?"  
"I would appreciate it."

You do, and he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was like experimental and so fucking fun and ive been waiting for it for so long and i really fucking hope it was fun to read and like whoa. im so excited, still so excited about so many things to come. comment or kudos or the terrorists win


	17. FWD2 - Ass Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early mornings? Uhg.  
> First Week, Day Two.
> 
> (I changed the twins' age, 'cus I can)  
> ((updated the end))

**PLETHORA PART THREE:**   
**First Week, Day 2 - Ass Party**

_...shhKUUuu..._

It is incredibly, ridiculously fucking hot when you wake up, despite the lack of sheets covering you and your apparent nakedness, which is... slightly strange, but you can immediately tell it's _significantly_ earlier than you would ever willingly get up, which means whatever just made that noise, is _fucking dead_.

"Wakat _HO-lee_ shit!"

Unfortunately, it seems the _noisemaker_ isn't one you are able to kill, so you can only press your face harder into your pillow until it either goes away on it's own, or you suffocate yourself. Whichever happens first, you've just now decided, is fine.

A minute passes, and neither does.

Your voice is muffled and grouchy when you give up on waiting to die. "You better not be staring at my _fucking_ ass Satori."

"I am _absolutely_ doing that."

 _Does_ he have a fucking death wish? Why in the _fuck_ would he even come in here at this ho- _waaait_.

This, is not your room.

 _"Fuck."_

"Now that you _say_ it," Tendou mumbles as you begin to rethink how willing you are to murder him. "I got a r _ee_ al _strong_ suspicion _that_ , is exactly what happened." He whistles, and somehow, you want to kill him _extra_. "Wakatoshkun, what the hell did you _do_?"

You hear, _feel_ even, a gritty, unbothered rumbling noise from beside you, and tilt your head toward it.

Ushijima's face is revealed when he drags the sheet down, and you aren't even a little upset by that damn blank expression, even at this ungodly hour, because this time it comes topped with a head of mussed up hair, and a warm tint to his tan skin that tells you _he_ was the reason you've been sweating half to death.

 _Cute_.

You watch him as his eyes dart over your exposed body (assessing damages, you assume), and follow his gaze to the end of the bed.

Tendou, _obviously_ , has chosen _that_ spot to prop himself up on his elbows. He's just, _right fucking there_ , resting his head on his hands and staring at the both of you bug-eyed, smirking like the giddy fucking lunatic he is.

Looking directly in Tendou's eyes, using this rough, morning-version of his rough, deep voice, he says-

"Discipline."

-and when Ushijima's head falls back against his pillow with a little _fwoof_ sound, you are stunned speechless.

That, my friends, is no half-expression.

It's a full-on fucking _grin_.

You don't get to catalog more of Wakatoshi Ushijima's surprisingly varied expressions before leaving, but you can't find it in you to be bothered.

That was _definitely_ his best one anyway.

While sneaking back to where you belong for what you plan to be the world's hottest bath, you hobble along clinging to the walls like a crippled ninja.

It's a bit troubling, because you were _sure_ not being able to fucking _walk_ the morning after was just a visual gag used in sitcoms and sex comedies, and _how the fuck is he even real_.

Once you've settled into it, the boiling heat of the bath is so soothing on your sore _everything_ that your brain can't be bothered to process just how unlikely it was for your journey here to have gone so smoothly.

Thanks to the glaringly obvious fact that the universe not only dislikes, but seems to actually _abhor_ you for some reason, this oversight is quickly rectified.

"Oh! Here you are," a quiet voice echoes, and your skin prickles, despite the heat of the water you are now considering drowning yourself in.

"Speak of the _she_ -devil," another adds, even more grating than the last. "Where might _you_ have been all night, _hmMm_ Ki-chan?"

"Fuckin' some poor sucker _obvi_ ," comes a voice too loud for this room, or any room, at this hour, or any fucking hour, ever. "Damn! Shit's hot as _fuuUck_ KiKi!"

_Someone, please. Just let me die._

"Hey now, we agreed there would be no pestering, did we not?" At last, a shining light of hope resounds, and is dashed in seconds. "I must admit though, I'm interested in knowing as well. If you felt like sharing, of course."

Hana Misaki, Johzenji. Kaori Suzumeda and Yukie Shirofuku, Fukurodani. Kiyoko Shimizu, Karasuno.

These four, and you, are the (only surviving) third year team managers. Not just anyone can handle this shit show for that long.

When you finally get the courage to open your eyes, it isn't just those four who have come to crash your _formerly_ peaceful bath party.

"I'm so rude! I'm sorry, Yacchan, this is Kirei-chan, Kirei-chan, this is Hitoka Yachi. She is going to take over for me next year."

The tiny blonde makes a face that rests somewhere between charming and pained, but you can't quite tell which, so you just nod in her general direction, and try not to look like... you.

"And this is Runa-chan, my..." Hana chokes, suddenly emotional. "Re-re- _replacement_."

" _Uhhhhguh_. Have you all not fuckin' cried enough about it already? Boo-fuckin-hoo. _Boring_."

"Yukie!"

"Wut? I wanna know who KiKi was railing last night, since we all know Kitty-kun's off wetting his dick with some fuckin' rando agai-"

"YUKIE!"

 _Would it really be so much to ask_ , for even five minutes of your _fucking_ life to pass the Bechdel test?

Kaori groans. "Ki-chan, just tell us. It's your duty to get her to shut the hell up about it already."

You scoff. "What? Why? She isn't gonna shut up to _me_ about it if I do that, ever!"

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, Kirei-chan."

 _Damn_ Kiyoko and her damn irresistible soft-as- _fuck-_ ness. "Fine." You grin, because caving doesn't mean you have to make it easy. "If any of you get it right in three guesses, I'll be hon-"

"Oo! Was it Ushijima?"  
"Hm, Wakatoshi-kun?"  
"Def' was Ushiwaka."

What the _fuck_. "H-how?"

"There really weren't many options..."

A new voice interrupts your confusion, and how could you have forgotten about the only first year who actually ended up coming back for more.

"Hey! Why didn't you guys wake me up!?"

Date Tech's adorable Mai Namet...su...

Oh.

_Fuck! Her fucking crus-_

"What's with that fuckin' look KiK- _oooooh_. Oh! Wow. You fuckin' _total_ douchebag!"

"Huh? What did I miss?"

"KiKi fucked your _husbando_ Mai-chan."

"Wha-"

"Mm _aichaaan_ , I. I'm so fucking, uhg, so sorry! I wasn't, oh _god_. I didn-I mean, oh my god _I'm SCUM!"_

"Yea! Kick her scum ass Mai-chan!"  
"Do it, hit me. I'll take it happi-"  
"Kirei-chan, it's fine."  
" _Whub_ -bwu?"

"It's _fine_. If I needed him to myself, I'd make the fucking move, alright?" Mai's instantaneous forgiveness comes as a surprise, but doesn't seem to bare any hidden ill-will. "And _you_ , Yukie. You fucked him like _three_ days after I told you about that! Damn instigator." It feels nice when she wades over to offer you a reassuring pat on the head. "You know how Ki-chan can go all idiot about these things Yukie, don't be a bitch."

 _Slightly less nice_ , you think, ducking under the water to avoid an incoming attack from the insulted party.

When your head pops back up, the room is loud enough with screeching and cackles and splashing water, that you wonder if the whole lot of you aren't perhaps a bit hypocritical towards the boys.

Shaking your head of that _clearly wrong_ thought, you step out of the bath to get dressed.

It's your first mistake of the day.

Or maybe it was the second? Either way-

"Oh my fucking what?!"  
"What in the shitting hell?!"  
"How even the FUCK!?"  
"Bwahaha! A fuckin' _perfect_ -"

Right. You really should have done something to hide the blatantly obvious, bright red-

"-Ushiwaka shaped hand print on her ass!"

No, you haven't seen it for yourself, but you don't bother walking over to the mirrors to look, because for one, you would much rather just get the fuck out of here as fast as possible, and for two, you can fucking _feel_ it just fine, thank you very much.

You're at the back of the gym _not_ listening to whatever the fuck it is the coaches are droning on about, half-asleep where you stand with your eyes closed, but you can still _feel_ the person coming up behind you, even before they whisper in your ear.

"You saw them, right?"

Sorry, not person. _Bastard_.

"What'hell you talking about?"

Even through your grumpy morning haze, you feel a twinge of self-righteous satisfaction rise up inside you; if he had done this yesterday, you would have fallen on your face, dropped your clipboard or a somehow-worse combination of the two, but today, the warm tingle his voice gives you is just a reminder that your ass cheeks are already _throbbing_.

"The twins."  
"Oh. _Ohhh_ , yea."  
"So?"  
"Soo...?"  
"Well? Which one do you want?"  
"Uh-"  
"I bet it's tsundere Bokuto."  
"THERE's _a tsundere Bokuto?!"  
_ "What?"  
"I saw them for like two seconds!"

"Oh, fuck. Well, it's either tsundere Bokuto, or secret-idiot Akaashi. So which one?"

Kuroo barely _spoke_ to you yesterday, and now he's in your ear muttering promises of a _tsundere Bokuto_?

Looking back (and _up_ , uhg) at him, the goofy mood he's obviously woken up in is enough to drown out the somewhat-minor annoyance of how bright-eyed and bushy-tailed he is, particularly in comparison to you.

You grin back, playing along.

"...but, they _both_ sound-"  
"Ah! Can't say both, it's incest. Pick one."  
"Uhg. I'll just take the one you don't want."  
"Damn. I was going to say that."  
"Fine. I want tsun-"  
" _Nooo_ , I wanted that one."  
"No you didn't."  
"Yes I did."  
"You want to break the mask."  
"OoOo, true."  
"Aren't you _taken_ , Kuroo-kun?"  
"Fuck off Sugawara. You're not getting one."  
"So _mean_ Kitty-kun!"  
"You're not getting one either Tooru!"  
"You two don't _own_ them."  
"No, we _called_ them, right Kuro-kun?"

So, Not Really-san might be a bit disturbed by this conversation, but it's just a bit, really. You and Kuroo have been bonding over hotties for a lot longer than you've been fucking them. Or each other, actually.

Unfortunately, Not Really-san also isn't the _only_ person who could be slightly disturbed by it.

"Wow. This is _truly_ a new low for you guys-"

"AHH," you all shout, startled.

"-and to think, the bar was already on the ground."

"HEY," you all shout, insulted.

Bokuto crashes into you when he leaps over, because he does that kind of thing in the morning, because he is clearly a fucking _maniac_. "Hey hey hey! What'd I miss? Did 'Kaashi just burn you guys? Nice one 'Kaashi."

"Get the hell off me. Jeez, maybe _wait_ until you actually know what the burn _was_ before giving him a pat on the back, huh Bokkun!?"

"Eh," Bokuto mumbles with a dismissive wave of his hand, wrapping an arm around Akaashi. "S'fine. 'Kaashi always does good burns, doesn't really matter."

"Fuck. He's right."

Once Kuroo has finished that statement, the universe decides enough people have collected around you to make using an AOE attack worth the mana cost, and once again sends in Yukie Shirofuk- _ing bitch_.

"Ey," she starts, mouth full of what you assume is at least one whole slice of bread. "You guys seen her ass?"

Kuroo and Bokuto, annoyingly, say _yes_.

Furthermore fucking annoyingly, Oikawa, Sugawara, _and_ Akaashi, also say _yes_.

Yukie huffs out a chuckle, along with a spray of bread crumbs. "I mean _today_. Unless... same answer?"

"All of you, hold me back."

" _Chillss_ KiKi, shit." She swallows, finally. "How _is_ that ass feelin' though?"

"Better than your _face_ will if you don't shut the fuck up immediately."

Seriously this time, you are googling _how to effectively threaten people into shutting up forever_.

"Shirofuku, do we _need_ to see her ass today?"  
" _You_ don't Kitty-kun. 'Less you're _that_ kinda gu-"  
"Yukie-chan, give _me_ food!"  
"He eat yours Akaashi?"  
"Yes."  
"Fuck off Bokuto."  
"Is there something special about her ass _today_?"  
"Wouldn't you like to fuckin' know, _Pervykawa_."  
"Uhg! How are you _worse_ than her?"  
"YuKi _eee_... you owe m _eee_..."  
"Damn you Koushi, ya fuckin' little-"  
"OKAY STOP!"

You refuse to allow _this_ to be how today starts.

 _No_. No!

You did it _cautiously_ this time!

Unlike that _disaster_ back at first camp, you _specifically_ avoided having any fucking _idiots_ be involved in your shenanigans last nigh-

"This is yours."

 _Satan's fucking balls_.

"Evidence of our-"

"THANK you, _Ushijima-san,_ " you say, snatching the _incredibly_ unwanted offering from his hand and shoving it in your pocket. "Under _no_ circumstances do I _ever_ want to know what the fuck you were just about to say, please work hard today, _goodbye_."

"Hm," he says, as you place your hands on his shoulders and turn him in the opposite direction, nudging his back to get him started on the path to being _anywhere but right here right now please what the fuck_.

Ushijima isn't even out of hearing range before it starts.

"Oh."  
"My."  
"Fuck."  
"KiKi!"  
"You _didn't_!"

You know what? No. You're just going to walk away from this. Remove yourself from the situation entir-

Bokuto grabs your arm. "K-Kichan?" You shouldn't have looked back. "Why's Ushiwaka got your underwear?"

You really, _really_ should not have looked back.

"K?"

One look at Kuroo, and even _Bokuto_ isn't enough to keep you from taking off.

_...ouchebag Yukie and her damn mouth, damn assholes Toru and Koushi and that jerk Akaashi and their pretty-damnit! I mean stupid faces, why the hell's it even matter, not like it's the first time I-god, and his face, fuck, what even was that, doesn't make sen-_

"Hey, hold up."

For all your running around trying to hide from everyone under the guise of doing busywork, he manages to find you alone eventually anyway.

Always does when you'd rather no one did.

"What do you want?"  
"Uh, what the fuck was that about? Obviously?"  
"Fuck off."  
" _Wait_. Did, you seriously sleep with Ushijima?"

 _Figuratively and literally_ , "yeh."

"You fucked _him_?"  
"Not... really."  
"Huh?"  
"He fucked me."  
"Oh."  
"Yep."

Kuroo looks, weird. "Wow."

 _Damn loser_ , probably getting all high and _kink_ -mighty about whatever Yukie must have said after you left. It's not like Ushiwaka just _kicked_ you out for god's sake. He followed fucking 'protocol' just fine, in his own way, at least. You just didn't want it.

You're _allowed_ to not want it.

Kinda would defeat the whole purpose of what you were after anyway, now that you think about it.

You got what you wanted from Ushijima _before_ passing out in his bed (and let's not wonder what the fuck _that_ was about); a pat on the head, couple of meaningless words and an _ice pack_ were never part of that.

"Oh, _kay_. How, was it?"

That's a bit of a loaded question.

How _was_ sleeping with Ushijima? You can think up a few colorful words to describe it, but one in particular comes to the forefront of your mind right this second.

"Weird."  
"Ah, good weird?"  
"Yeah, sure. I mean, fun."  
"Hm."  
"That's what he said."

He looks confused, that's easy at least. Might be about what you said, which you suppose _is_ an _extremely-inside_ joke. Might be about what you didn't say, since you've usually got some silly complaint or joke to offer him when it comes to these things, something either you or they did wrong.

"Tell me later?"  
"A six, Kuroo-kun."  
"Right."

It's never fun not being able to read Kuroo. Even when he tries to make it so you can't, you pretty much always can anyway; he isn't as good at it as he thinks he is.

As he walks away (without another word, _rude_ ), you figure you can just shake off whatever the fuck _his_ deal suddenly is, and hope he does too. Maybe there were six of those little packages of strawberry jelly on his table but only five grape. Who fucking knows when it comes to him sometimes.

 _Seriously_ though, what the fuck. You're not going to fucking describe your _sexcapades_ to him while he's got a fucking girlfriend, like, what?

 _Idiot_.

Whatever it is, he damn well better get over it before tonight. Mopey annoying Kuroo is _not_ ruining this for everyone; you've been waiting too long for it.

 _Tch_. He's probably fucking jealous.

Someone else might be doing it right now, but _your_ brain doesn't think to put _of_ and _who_ together.

Being annoyed with Kuroo for a few minutes while you get back to work ends up benefitting you in the long run, because it's a reminder that you need to shake your own bullshit off before tonight too.

A certain... tradition, exists at First Week. You've got no clue how it started, but it's been happening since long before you were in first year.

At some point during First Week, one third year, let's call them a _representative_ , from every team chooses a first year to participate in, let's call it a _get together_.

Who comes and who they bring can be based on any number of factors, but the third year is usually the one who went as a first year. It's not set in stone, but two things are: it can only be one, and no second years.

Sure, you shudder a bit remembering it (your tight-ass school doesn't let first year _players_ come to these, so you had no choice), but now _your_ time has come.

 _Shit_. Good thing you remembered, you still need to find a first year. Luckily Johzenji's third y- _shit_. They don't have any first years either. Well, that narrows it down.

You'll just _procure_ one from Date Tech at some point, whenever you get the chance.

Getting hype about tonight is a great distraction from any weirdness trying to squirm it's way into your brain, but as with all nights, you need to survive the fucking day first before you get to it.

Luckily for you, this isn't the first time you've had to avoid any and everyone after a night of questionable decision making, and knowing every lesser-known hallway and hidey-hole at your school helps.

"No."

Until it doesn't.

"But KiKi!"  
"Kirei- _chaaan_."

"Please. Whatever it is, _no_."

Not a single good thing _has_ ever or _will_ ever come, from being cornered by Sugawara or Oikawa, and that is _exponentially_ more true when they're working together.

"We only want to help you, really."  
"We need to see your ass KiKi."  
"Wha-sorry. _WHAT?!"_

You thought you could throw them off by dipping into an unused classroom, but that tally of mistakes you've made today just keeps going up.

"Oh my god Tooru, you're _so bad_ at this."  
"Uhg, _what_ ever. Just fucking show us."  
"Uh, no? Fuck no! What the _fuck_ , why a-"  
"We, may have heard... something."

_Fucking goddamn fucking Yukie._

"You fucked my arch nemesis KiKi! I mean my god, the _least_ you can do is show us your ass."

"Pretty sure those words don't go together!?"

"Okay, okay. Settle down." If Sugawara, the fucking _charlatan_ , thinks he can fool you with that soft mom disguise, he's got another thing coming. "This, maybe wasn't the best way to go about this."

"I don't even know for sure what _this_ is, and I still know that's absolutely fucking true!"

"Look Ki-chan, Oi-kun and I just _happened_ to be walking by the girls earlier, and we just _happened_ to overhe-"

"Uhg!" Oikawa ran out of patience once, you assume, but he's never bothered getting a refill. "Is there a fucking Ushijima-shaped hand print on your ass or _not_ KiKi?!"

"Oh. My fucking. _God_."  
"Oh my god! There _is_ , isn't there!?"  
"Please! Please let us see!"  
"I'm not a fucking sideshow!"

"Alright, Sugamama," Oikawa says, setting up the exact moment you will blame when your mental breakdown becomes permanent. "Hold her shoulders."

Oikawa and Sugawara have cornered you against the wall, and are currently crouched down behind you, trying to decide whether they want to pull the leg of your shorts up, or just pants you.

Whatever. If you're completely honest with yourself, which you'd often rather not be, you probably would have ended up showing them at some point tonight anyway. At least right now you're all sober, and it's only the two of them.

 _Maybe it's better this way_ , you think, followed quickly by wondering when and how exactly this became your life.

"This went differently in my imagination."  
"Dis _gust_ ing, ew."  
"You're _terrible_."  
"Says the guys pulling my shorts down."  
"Yeah but, for _science_."  
"Yeah! Your thing is just gross."

It's a bit unfortunate that by the time your shorts have been wiggled down past your ass, their gasps are what hides the sound of the door opening.

It's not fucking surprising though.

"Don't think I didn't see you both run in-oh god."  
 _"Why god, why."  
_ "H-how did this happen? D-uh, can I? Help?"  
 _"You can fucking die-"  
_ "Daichi! It's fine, just get out of here."  
"A-are you sure? I can-"  
"Leave _Dad_ chi! Ew! Are you a fucking peepin-ow!"  
"Wait. Is that? Holy crap."  
 _"Only now, do I know true pain."  
_ "It's so... vivid."  
"Right? You can almost see the fingerprint."  
 _"Why can't I just die?"_  
"Honestly? This should be studied."  
"I think the secret to his spike is on her ass."  
"Huh? Whose?"  
 _"I'm already dead."  
_ "It's Ushiwaka's."  
"Whoa."  
"Couldn't she have fucked someone I _don't_ hate?"  
"What about Kuro?"  
"He's dating again."  
"Ahh, I see."

 _Aaaand_ no.

"All right, ass party _officially_ fucking _over_." You pull your shorts up, and you might be redder in the face than even Bokuto has ever been, but half of it is from _unyielding rage_. "Everyone, get the _fuck_ away from me immediately, and if I hear another _word_ , I'm going to poison you, and if any of you have a puppy, I swear to god I will fucking kick it in it's fucking puppy face."

You're past the point of trying to determine whether it's a good or bad thing that they're stunned enough to actually let you leave in peace.

You're just going to forget any of that ever happened, get through the rest of this gods-forsaken day without speaking to _anyone_ about _anything_ , and maybe put on some fucking pants before collecting your first year.

If you wouldn't have forgotten about it, and then subsequently remembered about it, going to change your shorts into pants wouldn't have been a big deal.

Since at least four of the people you are currently avoiding are standing very _un_ avoidably where you were headed, it makes _complete_ sense for you to slam into a brick fucking wall and fall on your ass, _let that sink in_ , while running in the opposite direction.

Groaning, you look up and realize it makes even _more_ sense for it to have not been a brick wall at all.

"Hm? Who're you?"  
 _Oh, fuck._  
"Ya gonna get up?"  
 _Is that?_  
"Need a hand or somthin?"  
 _An accent?_  
"Don'chya talk?"  
 _Whaa, cute._  
"Saw ya talkin before..."  
 _So hot-_  
"Ya were _real_ loud too."  
"HEY!"  
"There ya go! See? Told ya."  
 _Still hot._  
"Gotta look where yer goin ya know."

Alright, first of all, _is this literally the hottest fucking guy on the goddamn plane_ -wait, no. Not, not that.

First of al- _whoa his hands are so bi_ -nope. That's not fucking right either.

Most important thing here is that _he_ was the one _oh my fucking fuck why is he smiling like that?_

"Look w-where _you're_ going!"  
"Huh?"  
"Y-you knocked me!"  
"Eh?! _You_ ran right inta me!"

_Damn._

He's got you there.

Also, did you just fucking _stutter_?

"Runnin from somethin?"  
"N-none of your business, _twin-san_."  
"Heh, 'Tsumu."  
"Huh?"  
"Atsumu _twin-han_."  
"O-oh." _Idiot_.  
"Ya oughta remember it."  
"Uh, kay." _Fucking idiot_.  
"Ya got one too or what?"  
"Y-er, Kireina, I guess."

 _What in the fuck_ is happening right now? Is it even humanly _possible_ for you to act _more_ like a fucking brainless idiot? _Oh god_ , he's fucking smiling again.

"Never met someone didn't know their own name before. Knew the city'd be weird, but tha-"

"I know my own name!"  
"Didn't sound like it."  
"Well I do!"  
"Heh. Eh, ha."  
" _What?_ "  
"Kinda cute like that, ya know."  
"Uhh..."  
"Can't tell if yer pissed, or ya wanna kiss."

So, what you need to do here, is just say, obviously, that you do _not_ want a kiss, that would be ridiculous, why the fuck would he even say that, who does he even thi-

"W-what, uh, ever."

So, you're a failure.

"Yer kinda funny, huh?"  
"Uh?"  
"Maybe ya got a concussion."  
"I-what? No!" _Why._  
"Think ya did."  
"N-no, shut up." _Wow._  
"Ay, there's that cute thing again."  
"Heh-" _Oh my fucking god leave_.

You need to not, be here anymore.

If this guy grins at you like that one more time, you're going to forget the fucking alphabet.

_Seriously. What in the fuck is going on?!_

Although... maybe, you know... just, since they're _here_ and all... the Inarizaki team should get to participate in tonight's events too.

"Wh-how old, year? Are you?" _Great start_.  
"Ya wanna know if I'm legal?"  
" _WHA_ -nno! I jus-"  
"Heh. In my last one. You?"  
"S-same. Do you... uhm..."   
"Gonna spit it out?"

You can do this.

You can very easily, just, ask if he wants to join the other teams for a get together, extend an olive branch, he'll say no, and you can add Atsumu Miya to the list of people you are avoiding forever, just breathe. It's like ten fucking words, it'll be _fine_.

"Do you wanna maybe like bring one of your team's first years to a party where we get them really fucked up and also we get really fucked up and it's kinda like this bonding thing we've been doing for a while around here but you don't have to because it's kinda dumb actually but actually it's pretty fun and sure they do kinda get a little bit traumatized maybe but it's a good time and they usua-"

Alright, so that was not even _remotely_ close to fine.

His hand is covering your mouth now though, so at least you aren't talking anymore. You could probably officially be considered brain dead, but at least, no talking.

"Kireinacha, ya had me at fucked up."

Hopefully, or, not hope, _pft_. Like, why would you even be hoping, that's stupid. Anyway, you think that meant he was going to be there, but you don't think to give him any more details, which, he's uh, probably going to need... but you really can't be trusted to have done that anyways for some fucking reason.

Whatever. _Hot_ sumu, er, that Miya setter, will either figure it out or he won't, you're just, not going to think about it, or him, or his fucking smile, uhm, ever.

_Were you poisoned? Does he have some kind of super power that makes people stupid? What even was that?_

Twin-san is getting put into that place in your brain where everything else you aren't willing to think about goes, because it's getting dark now, and you need to locate and kidnap that big-ass first year setter with the stupid hair from Date Tech before long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have so much to say about this that im not gonna say anything. hope you didnt get whiplash
> 
> just realized i never mentioned where the title is from.  
> anna karenina. "It is much better to do good in a way that no one knows anything about it."
> 
> the next one may take a little while, it's gonna be long.


	18. FWN2 - Fish Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Either the best,  
> or the worst thing I've ever done.
> 
>  **DISCLAIMER:** I think this is my Final Form of experimenting. You might hate this, I'm asking alot of you. Go slow, check tunes (you can trust me, i am very cool). I know it's impossible to read with music on, just check the vibe for like 5 seconds?  
>  **EVERYTHING IS ON PURPOSE.**  
>  sometimes, it's more about the visual, but look. I really can't prepare you. When it doesn't make sense, just go with it ok? See you in the end notes.

**PLETHORA PART FOUR:**   
**First Week, Night 2 - Fish Lady**

(Peep the playlist You-san: [Link](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmMo_1T9cgcpmUEkVuc3YcnHcodhCdoSM))

**[ 04:00 pm** \- _Hayloft_ , Mother Mother **]**

_"Did you find one?"  
"Yea, he should be here soon."  
"Ha! You told him to meet you? Here?"  
"Yeah? Ow! My eye!"  
"Oh hush, I didn't even poke you."  
"Like a fuckin, hah! Like a date? Bwaha!"  
"Oh... that poor boy."  
"You better have a good fuckin' time. Bitch."  
"Awe, Yukie-chan! I'm touched."  
"We worked hard making you look this good."  
"I'm insulted?"  
"Just saying. Use it well, wink wink."  
"Do not, ever say that again."  
"Finally gonna hook up with Eita-kun?"  
"Not with his captain's brand on my fucking ass!"  
"Eh. Just wait 'til it's dark. Bwaha!"  
"Uhg. Oh! I uh... ran into, one of those, twins."  
"Yeah, they're pretty hot."  
"I mean, uh... literally."  
"BWA! Fuckin' dumbass."  
"I have PTSD now you bitch."  
"Wait, YOU had a meet cute with a Miya?"   
"Dunno what that is, but it wasn't fucking cute."  
"Sounds like a meet cute."_

_"I don't feel good about this."_  
 _"Of course you don't."_  
 _"Asahi should be goin-"_  
 _"I-I'd really rather not."  
_ _"Coward. Maybe... I could?"_  
 _"Could what? Ruin it for everyone?"_  
 _"Dammit Suga!"_  
 _"You know it's true."_  
 _"Ass. Who are you bringing?_ _"_  
 _"Pfft. Kageyama."  
_ _"Interesting choice."  
"You actually are evil, aren't you?"  
"Maybe a little. Get him for me?"  
"KAGEYAMA!"  
"Not, what I meant."  
"Yes?"  
"Can you run in that?"  
"Yes."  
_ _"Keep up."_

 _"Go away."_  
 _"Get the fuck up!"_  
 _"No."_  
 _"Yes!"_  
 _"No."_  
 _"You're coming with me!"_  
 _"Rather die."_  
 _"IWA-CHAN!"_  
 _"GAHwha!? What, the fuck do you want?"_  
 _"He won't come with me!"_  
 _"So? Take someone else."_  
 _"But I want him!_ _Please, Iwa-chan?"_  
 _"Kunimi, you should go. I did."_  
 _"Fine."  
"UHG!? You bra-"  
"Do you have time to be complaining?!"_

_"Come."_   
_"Sure."_   
_"Great."_   
_"Cool."_   
_"Wow... don't go too crazy now."_   
_"Meh."_   
_"Huh?"_

_"Buuut, what if... we sent him?"  
_ _"Funny, but no."  
_ _"Boo. Are you bringing Gosh-kun?"  
_ _"Yeah."  
_ _"You know... I think youuu've got ulterior motives."  
_ _"Tch, you're one to talk."  
_ _"I wonder. Maaaybe I should go."  
_ _"Not a chance. I'm going."  
_ _"Where?"  
_ _"Don't worry about it."  
_ _"Hm."  
"Hey kid, drop the ramen and ge-"  
"Huwaha! You're the best Gosh-kun!"  
"Uhg, not literal-just. Hurry up."  
"What, is happening?"  
"Just follow me. And run."_

_"HOLD HIM!"_   
_"I CAN'T!"_   
_"YOU NEED TO!"_   
_"HELP ME!"_   
_"I WANNA GOOO!!!"_   
_"Konoha! Take him and go!"_   
_"But you, he-"_   
_"We've got this! Go dammit!"_   
_"A-are you su-"_   
_"NOW!"_   
_"Anahori, let's go. Hurry up."_   
_"B-b-but I, what are, I?"_   
_"Kid? Just shut up and run."_   
_"NO! I WANNA I WANN-"_   
_"BOKUTO-SAN NO!"_

_"Wait. What do you mean?"_   
_"Thought that was pretty straightforward..."_   
_"Are you, serious?"_   
_"Seriously."_   
_"Oh my god. Is this ab-"_   
_"Fuck off with that. Of course not."_   
_"Wow."_   
_"Just fucking go would you? And take Lev."_   
_"Why should you get to choose?"_   
_"How many reasons do you want?"_   
_"Fine. You're still a dumbass."_   
_"Whatever. You're wasting time."_

_"Are you sure?"_   
_"Quit overthinkin it kid."_   
_"Is this really a good idea?"_   
_"Heh, 'course not."_   
_"What?!"_   
_"Got a feelin it'll be a real fun bad idea though."_

**[ 04:30 pm** \- _Brave As a Noun_ , Andrew Jackson Jihad **]**

You and Koganegawa, who was suspiciously easy to kidnap, arrive at the meeting spot only slightly after Sugawara (panting) and Kageyama ( _totally_ fine).

It really doesn't matter... but you thought for sure you would be first. It's not like you told anyone else about the shortcut. _Hueheh_.

"Damn, _ahhgk_ , brat! Didn't even, _ah_ , know where the fuck we were going! Wouldn't stop, _shit_ , trying to race me!" Sugawara scowls at your grin, because _he_ knows _you_ know he didn't _need_ to accept the challenge.

Semi tries to look cool and act like he wasn't running, but he'd want to be first on principle. It's obvious, but you still cackle at the look on his face when the kid he brought outs him with a, "Why'd we stop running?"

"We _all_ owe Akaashi now, by the way," Konoha grumbles, looking just as frazzled as his bug-eyed first year. It was bound to happen (because Bokuto), but still. You all know Akaashi's favors are fucking _expensive_.

 _Suga, you damn genius_. How did you not notice Hiroo has a _lip ring_ now? He's as hot and apathetic as ever, and you can't tell whether it's him, or his first year, who gives less of a fuck about being here.

Akira Kunimi is your new favorite, because when Oikawa shows up shoving him along shouting "Fix this thing! It's fucked," he just shuts his eyes and slumps down on the ground, groaning, "Shut up _Ugly_ kawa."

It takes you a moment to realize it, but the moment you do, a sense of pure, unbridled, genuinely evil fucking _glee_ fills you.

_Kuroo is last!?!? Mwahahahaha!_

"Crap. Are we last?"

You expected Sugawara to come instead of Asahi. You had a feeling Iwaizumi would give in once Oikawa bugged him enough. You were even kind of expecting to see the freak foreign-looking kid from Nekoma.

You did _not_ expect to see Morisuke Yaku, and thus you wonder, "Where the _fuck_ is Kuro?"

And, you're a fucking _douche_.

"Pretty sure he, got his head stuck in his ass."  
 _Oh_. "I guess, that _does_ kinda sound like him."

_What the fuck Kuroo?!_

You can't help wanting to ask him for more, but Yaku seems like he hopes you don't.

You can always hound him about it later.

 _Is he sick?_ "Alright everyone! Welcome to your last memory of this night." _Hope not._ "I don't know what these assholes told you, but I _do_ know, it was a bunch of filthy lies." _Something to do with Kenma?_ "Tonight, we're gonna have fun." _He was so excited_. "Too much, actually, is the goal." _Shit, that sucks._ "We're gonna play some ball, drink until we can't stand, and make fun of _these_ two losers until they beg us to stop, then we're gonna make fun of them for that." _Poor Yaku, damn, wish it was him, heh._ "Since everyone's here-"

"Ouch, Ahocha."

 _Oh fuck. Please, not this again_.

"Ya really musta had a concussion if ya forgot about _me_ already. Been sittin here for ten minutes now! This how ya always treat yer guests in the city?"

Surely, the natural response to this (his existence) would be immediate strangling. Right?

So, why are you just staring like a dumbass?

Maybe if you just close your eyes, then you'll be able to harness annoyance rather than... whatever the fuck this other thing is.

"Yeah uhm, Twin- _han_? Did _ya_ maybe just call me a _fuckin'_ idiot? We _fuckin_ met like two hours ago!"

 _What_ , in the name of, _the fuck_.

In what _possible_ version of reality, would it have been a good fucking idea, to imitate his ador-stupid! _Stupid_ fucking accent, _directly_ to his fucking face?

Without your consent, your brain decides that _fuck it_ , we're already here. "Is _everyone_ so familiar in _buttfuck nowhere_ , or just you?"

He barks out a startled laugh that makes your face heat u-wait, no. It, doesn't do that. At all.

Shut up.

"Isn't like that." _Why is he closer?!_ "Unless that's why yer makin that face. Then it's _exactly_ like that."

Since there is absolutely _no_ reason for you to feel like you might fall over (whatever that _brain poison_ he exudes is, must be more potent the closer he is), you are glad, for the first time ever, that Oikawa is not only meddling and nosy, but also very loud.

"Ew! What in the name of fuck is this?"

 _Never_ , you think, will you owe anyone for anything as much as you owe Tooru Oikawa for being himself at that exact moment.

"Eehh?! You! Yer that guy who did the thing! I'm gonna do that too! Thanks for showin me, _akhaha_ , think I'm gonna make it one of my special moves."

 _Waaaait_ a minute.

Who?

Hang on...

 _Ohhh_. How could you have forgotten? This one must be the tsundere Bokuto.

So, he's an idiot!

Thank _fuck_. You can safely open your eyes now; his hotness can't hurt you anymore.

"Heard somethin about not bein able to stand? Can ya tell me where I sign up for that, _Ah-ho-jou-cha?"_

 _Fuuuck_.

**[ 05:00 pm -** _Kids_ , MGMT **]**

"Hey you little shit! Haha! Get over here!"  
"No please! No more, _ha_ , I can't!"  
"Prepare to be spinned you fuckin' brat!"  
"Gahah- _noOoOo!"_

It starts with a game. Touch the ball, _he sucked so bad at this_ , get off the court and drink. Forget, and get a punishment.

"Akichan! Don't _touch_ just so you can go out! Why the fuck are you _like_ this?! Why is he like this!?"

It's third years versus first, and your favorite part is that you not only get to choose and administer the punishments, _he makes the best dumb rules_ , you also get to change the rules whenever you feel like it.

"Tooru shut u-hey! You just fucked up! Get over here, you're getting spinned too you ass!"

 _It's so fun_. Everyone is having fun, even the grumpy ones you could tell would try their hardest not to. _You should see their faces_.

" _How_ could you not hit that!? It was perfect!"  
"Ey! Get over here! You can't say that!"  
"Whu?"  
"Can't say perfect! It's a rule!"  
"SINCE WHEN!?"

Kageyama said 'but I don't want to do any of those things' when you explained the plan, but he's sure into it now. _You were right, this kid is good, even when the rules are different. And stupid_.

"Nice one, otaku."  
"WHY does everyone keep saying that?!"  
"Whup, bowl cut confirmed."

Hiroo has a smirk on his face, always does when he gets to taunt someone, and Kuguri keeps grinning then trying to hide it. You want to, _would have noticed and teased him for being so cute_ , see him do it more.

"I don't _CARE_ how many shots you've had!"  
"But I-"  
"Be less shit!"  
"Hey! Losers! Go refill the water!"

It might be more fun watching than it is playing, _how could he miss this_ , but not playing doesn't mean you haven't had your share of the baby jello shots Suga made. It won't fuck them up. Not too much, anyway.

"Just push him out of the way!"  
"He's s-so scary though!"  
"Ahgk!? Don't be so rude!"

It's really getting underway now. Everyone is a bit louder, wearing a bit of a goofier grin, and finally submitting to fun, but for you, it still feels a bit like waiting. _We aren't all here_. You're caught in that pre-party anticipation, like it hasn't even started yet.

"Goshi! I leave it in your capable hands."  
"Is the capable part up for debate?"  
"Hey! No teasing him... tease Yaku and Lev."  
"Wait! Where are you going?"

You know where Semi is headed, _would have made him go_. It's going to be about a thirty second walk, so you give him three tiny plastic shots for the journey and a grin. _At least there's one part of this h-_

"Ahocha... I fucked up. Go easy on me, yea?"

 _Crap_. Can he just, go back to being an idiot?

_Huwehe, at least he didn't sa-_

"Heylooo? Ya gonna punish me, er what?"

 _Fucking hell_.

At least your savage instincts are still in tact enough to have have swatted his hand out of your face.

"Uhh do, do a handstand. For a minute. I'll uhm, kick you if you fa _ffwaaat_ the f-" _uuck!_

 _Gravity, you beautiful bitch_.

"Gah! Do it, oh. Uh over.. _uhh_... n-not here!"  
"Ew! Put a fucking shirt on!"  
"I have a shirt on! _Waaait_... I got _two_ shirts on!"

 _Nice_. Saved by idiot-mode.

 _Real nice_. Shirt hanging down over your face and _by christ that ches_ - _FUCK!_

"Stop. You uh, you did it. _Sh-"-itting hell._

Lucky for you that damn Miya is distracted by Oikawa, so he isn't looking at you (nor your idiotic face) when he rights himself.

"Ay, Ahocha?" _Seriously? This fucking guy, is not fucking allowed, to just, re-fucking-name me!_ "He always this much of a butthole?"

Butthole, he says.

 _Huehe_. "Well, _Miyaku._ That is actually _exactly_ why everyone always calls him Buttykawa."

"NO ONE CALLS ME THAT!"  
"AND THEY NEVER WOULD!"

You must be getting tipsy, because for some ungodly reason, you lean into the Miya's ear (at risk to your own health) and whisper, _"It's actually Flattykawa."_

As soon as it's out of your mouth, you accidentally look directly at his face, and the smile _that Miya fuck_ has got on, causes you actual, _physical_ fucking _pain_.

You will have to apologize to your brain for the damage you plan on doing to it tonight, especially since it has the decency to provide you with a simple, two-step solution to your current problem.

One, _walk away immediately_ so that you don't say anything stupid.

Two, _start drinking significantly more_ so that when you inevitably do, you don't have to remember it.

**[ 07:00 pm** \- _Chandelier_ , Sia **]**

 _Fucking hell._ _I can hardly even see now._

You raise your head, and, what little light of day is left drips over your face through the trees.

 _Ah. Maybe he didn't bring get-dirty clothes_.

It figures, you and this fuckin' guy would end up out here and, figures he'd be a total _jerk_ too.

 _Pffltt. Yeah right, that's literally impossible_.

Semi is staring, at you and sitting cross-legged on the ground. His face, is a little bit hazy (still or since, that last shot) but, you're pretty sure, he's giving you that deadpan look he does.

 _Can't even tell which jerk is worse_.

Looks like, Semi's going to talk now. Looks, like he's been drinking too much, already, but, you know you're probably going to want to kick him in a second.

"I mean, good. Itss just..." _Do not fucking -even-, you damn little basta-_ "You c'n do better."

 _Ehh...? Nah. He's still worse_.

"Hate your guts, you know tha?"

Semi's pretty, pretty and cute. When he's like this. But not when, or, aside from how he's a massive ass.

"Didn' know you're a scrub, all I'm sayin'."

You squint your eyes at Semi and hopefully it looks a bit menacing but, probably it does not. He's always pushing you like this. And actually, it kind of makes you long for Kuroo's complete lack of shits to give.

_What kinda idiot 'just don't like music that much'._

_Tch._ Semi, or, actually Kuroo, does this thing, where he says like, _uhhuh sure sounds good_. Even though he's obviously not paying attention, and he's usually just fucking around on his phone. It, well, that, would maybe be better than _literally fucking dying_. And that's what'll happen if-, Semi riles you into going harder.

 _Uhg, stupid freak, stop making me confused_.

"You're a total _assss_. I really can't!"  
"Jus' take another shot. You c'n do it then."

 _Pretty sure it won't actu_ ally, you weren't like, shy or something. It's just not physically possible.

"Uhgggggg!" _Bleh, gross._ "Alright."

Okay well, apparently you're going to try anyway.

"Ayy, there you go!"

Semi probably doesn't know you're only willing to even try because of that stupid grin on his face but, you, maybe don't either.

 _He wouldn't have even come out here_.

"Jus' do what you did before but, better."

You scoff, and stand. In the clearing far away from where everyone else is, and their ears.

Maybe, out here. Feeling loose from the drinks and light from the fun _and a little bit of angry-hurt_ should help, you can reach it.

 _Alright fuck it_. Get fucking lost in it.

 _I'm the one,_ _for a good time call_

 _Nice_. You were wrong. Semi's face is way better to sing to than Kuroo's ever has been.

 _I feel the love,_ _feel the luh-uh-uhhve_

 _Look up_. Reach for it and make it real, and weird and, make it fucking hurt.

_I'm, gonna swing,_   
_from the chan-deh-lee-hee-ear_

_Everything_. Give it every last bit of fucking breath you have and then more because, it's real.

_Iiii'm, gonna live,_  
 _like tomorrow doesn't exist_

 _More_. Make yourself speechless because maybe you can't, except for right now, you can.

_AIIIIiiII'm, gonna FLY!_  
 _LIKE!_ _A!_ _BIIRD_ _throughthenight_

 _Push the inside out_. Out of that stupid hole in your face so he can hear it, open everything up, let your arms, your whole body help. You're spinning.

 _feel my tears as they_ _drAIhaii!_

 _So dizzy_ good. Get this guy to do that face he does where he closes his eyes and turns into a weird worm creature, can't find his words so he just grins.

_won't look down._ _won't open my eyes._

 _Fucking melancholy_. And you too, Kuro-kun.

_Keep my glass full until morning light,_  
 _I'm just holding on for tonight._

 _Fuck_. Yeah. It hurts. _Heh_.

Your head spins when you collapse onto the ground, and what you need is two or three, more drinks.

 _Sia... you absolute, fucking bitc_ -

"AU _UUH_ GggkGUHHuhHwahFfuw- _whaa_?!"

Whup! Almost forgot, the universe hates you.

"WHAT, _was_ thaAAaahh?!"

You're already laid out flat on your back on the ground, so maybe, can it just go ahead and, suck you in and be done with this?

"Tch. I know righ'?"

 _Guess it wasn't bad. Fuck though, what the hell kinda reaction even was that? Damn drunken freaks_.

"Uhg. No bonding over my corpse." _Literally cannot move, opening eyes... and, yeah, can't see. So, just closing them again_. "Also halp. I can no move."

Semi grabs your hand and pulls you up and that isn't fucking Semi at all goddammit why.

"Kireinacha, fuck. I thought for sure ya were just a sorta cute dummy, but ya can do that?"

How...

How exactly, does one react, to tha-

"Tch! Believe this fuckin' guy?"

 _Awe! Semisemi! Wow, someone actually helpi_ -

"Ay, you damn Miya. She's actually a _hot idiot_? I mean like, what the hell man. And, you know, she c'n, _maybe_ still do a bit better. Maybe not but, shut up."

 _Heueh, he said hot_.

Wait he also said idiot.

"AYYY yourself _Ei_ -ta! I shou-" **_wut._** "Whh... what the fuck are _you_ doing?"

"Even though I think ya might just be one of those fish ladies, like with the crab, fuckin marry me."

Firstly, what did he just call you, secondly, _deleted_.

Just, no. Ignoring forever. You obviously wouldn't even be able to process this sober so, it didn't happen.

"Ahh, _a_ fucking _what_ lady now?"  
"Ya know."  
"Uh no. No actually, I don't fucking know."  
"Haah? C'mon. She, likes forks?"

 _Okay_... would it be, too weird to just, _run away?_

Sure, you've just had your first somewhat-competent conversation with this guy but also, it involved both a proposal, and the _little fucking mermai-?_

Nope. This is also being deleted and, you're going to go with the running away plan. Neither of these guys can stop you. _And it'll make them look super weird if they try_ anyways, so.

"Oh! Hi Yakkun! Bye Yakkun!"  
"Wait! Why are you run!? ...ing."

**[ 08:30 pm** \- _I'm Not a Vampire_ , Falling in Reverse **]**

 _AHHHAHAHA-er, uh, poor kid. Maybe... I should help him... hmm. Bahaha, he's fiiine_.

"You _threw_ him."  
"Okay, but. Come on."  
"...Into a bees nest."  
"Actually, hornets make ground nests, not b-"  
"Kuroo-san? That you?"  
"Oh fuuuuck you."  
"Whaaa, you got so short."  
"You wanna be with the hornets too!?"

Everyone's together or mostly everyone. Got uhm, whatshisname, "Lee-kun! Sorry, er... what your name again?" Yea, Goshflbibi, him and, "Konoha, its you, ha! You're, the fuckin' one guy! Baha," there's always the one fuckin' guy, who won't leave the fire alone, you know, "the guy, _hah_ , with the stick, haha."

Konoha you're, he's, too fun to rile up, he gets so unguarded with his grumpy little glare, he's-oh what is it, gonna get m-you in trouble? "I'm tha fuckin' _one guy_ who's gotta guard it from the fucking pyro _idiot_ babies over there! I'm n't even the fuckin' one guy! Shit!"

Ey, yeah Kags and Kunimi do look pretty sus sitting over there like they wanna know how hot the flames are, haha, oh, Lee-kun's got something he wants to say. "I wan that stick Konosaan. Give, gimmie the stick. You, it's wrong. You're doing that, _so_ wrong."

Whuaha"ha! Lee-kun's the one fuckin' guy, sorry!"

_Damn. Hot, haha. Insult me next Koji-ku-oh shit, heh, guess vodka doesn't cure that kind of thrist, ffffft_.

Maybe he's like Kuroo and he's the type to like getting teased back sometimes haha, shouldn't be too hard, he seems like "you still in your emo phase huh Kojikun? Whas on your ipod over there, escape the fate or somethin'? Pft, or you the alexisonfire type?"

"Not enough _banjos_ for you?"  
"Have you reached deftones stage yet?"  
"Is generically-sad-nerd's new album good?"  
Ha"ha. _No_. It's sad duh! They're havin' a hard time."  
"You're weird."  
"I'm sensitive!"  
"Yea. Like I said, generically, sad, _nerd_."  
"Ow Hiroo-san. A deep cut."

He's way too good at this, you shouldn't have tried you can't beat him at his own game haha oh, he does look he's enjoying himself though, guess _you are kinda like Kuroo aren't you. Hee_ hee.

"Shouldn't sit so close to the fire." _Oh my god don't you absolute piece of shi_ \- "You'll get b-"

"BBUH-BUH-BUH- _BUUUURRRRNNNED!_ Gkhaha!"

"Was it worth it? _Ko_ gane-kun?"  
"Eh, heh."

Uhg! There- _fuck_. "There you two are! Gah!" What- _oh, god, what is this_. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Bad things always happen _if Kous_ -Sugawara looks like that so _why have these two been sneakin_ g off all night and not- "Uhm, nothing? Nothin'."

"Kaay, uhm, I'm like act'lly blown away right now, tha' was liter'lly, the _most_ suspicious thing, ever anyo-ever _said_ , by anyone, ever."

"Pff _wahh_? It's not like we're planning on luring anyone away so we can do like a yakuza-style interrogat'n."

"Eh, right. Why... why would you be doing that."

"Right!"

 _Koushi always caves_ but if you repeat a question a few times Oikawa _will too_ so, "Ser'sly. Why would you be doing that Suga. Tohhrew? Oikun... _are_ you guys doing tha-" is this fucker seriously just going to stand there on his damn-"THat is it!"

Phones are banned, now, you've decided. Yea, sick of seeing people on their phones not paying attention.

"Did. You seriously. Just fucking. Do that!?"  
"I'said no da-"  
"KiKi... you IdiOOOTTT!"

"Ahhh"hahaha! That's an unrecorded pitch Toru! You mayybe should not have tossed Oikawa's phone... wherever it went, but, ah"hahaha!"

Oh god he is so cute, _fuck he's so fuckin cuuute_. "You think he's cute, don't ya Tobio-kun?"

"Guh-WHAT?! _NO_! GROSS!"

 _Pfft_ too bad for _Tobio-chan_ , you _know an idiot boy very well_ , so you know exactly what it looks like when an idiot boy has got a crush, and actually you also just happen to know what it looks like when that crush is on an idiot boy.

"Hey, Tobio-kun. Th's idiot bothering you?"  
"Ssemisemi give me a food."  
"Here. Be nice t' the prodigies."  
"Whfu? But he's being... gaycist."  
"Did you, just say that?"  
"Eufh, soffy. I forgot the word for a sec."  
"She's a, idiot?"  
"A _hot_ idiot."

_Its addictive I'm addicted, to seein' them all happy and hearing them laughKurooIreally wish you came it's going to be hard to remember everything to tell you all about it you know, fuckin' bastar-wait._

Hey _yy! Wait._

 _Where's tha' damn Miya_...

**[ 09:00 pm** \- _Habits_ , Tove Lo (Hippie Sabotage) **]**

_Quiet over here..._

_Oh,_

_There he..._

_Waaait..._

"Ay! Miyaku?" What the hell is he doing? "What hell're you doin' over here?"

 _Haha!_ Scared him. _Idiot_....

"Ah-ahocha. I'm jus, doin... duh-dr, uhh... gs?"

_Haha, tryin' to make something up? Accidentally told the truth? Are you peter griffin haha..._

"Huh. Always tha' hard for you to lie?"

 _Ha. Pretty_ cute _Miyaku_... you're _not so scary_.

" _Okay_ , fine! Drugs. I'm, doin drugs. Over'ere."

 _Gaheh, does he_ think you're gonna be ma-OH! _Haha, yeah_ , so you _should fuck with him_. 

"Wow. Un-behleevbable."  
"I'now, I ju-"  
"You come in here, as the _gues_ st!"  
"Ohgah-gahd, sorry I-"  
"An' you don' ev'n _share_?"  
"Ye-wai, wha?"  
"Gonna share your drugs Miyaku?"  
"Ya wanna smoke with me, Ahojoucha?"

 _Silly girl_. Miyaku, is that _what I am? Pff_ , guess it _is_ at least _a bit more right_ than Kireina... _think maybe it's just_ about the same amount of _mean..._

 _Hey_ _wait_ , Why's everyone got to be only half, _only fifty percent nice to m_ -you!?

D _D_ a _a_ m _m_ n _n_ t _t_ h _h_ e _e_ s _s_ e _e_ s _s_ t _t_ u _u_ p _p_ i _i_ d _d_ b _b_ o _o_ y _y_ s _s_! _!_

waaAaiiIIttt A mmINUte...

" _Waai_... are youu, cool?"  
"Have ya _seen_ me?"  
"Daamn. Not modest are you Miya-san."  
"Why should I be?"

 _We_ ird... thas, _kinda cool_ , to be like tha- _wait... what_ if, he actually _is_ cool, _wha_. How, can you figure out...

 _Hmm_...

"Wha's your fav'rit movie twin-han?"  
"Hah?! Ya can't jus _ask_ that outta nowhere!"

Well that's it's own answer really _wait how_ , did _this_ happen, his brain-poison thing _off_ right now haha, or, wait, do hoodies just automatically make you soft, ha, that must be it. "Noted. Name a song." And give you that smoke back please Miyaku. Oh, _he's confused, oops, guess I_ , "Jus' _naame_ one. Li'e, what'd you put on righ' now, if you were gonna put on one?"

"One I could get ya to sing."  
" _Ehehew_. Cringe."  
"Sorr, yer right. Uh, day an night maybe, b-"

"Kid Cudi... _hmm_." Uh _oh_ hhh, ha _ha_. Shit. "Kay, describe your bes' friend in _one_ word."

"Mean. Ahgk! Shit, I-don... don'tell 'im."  
"Say the first word that comes to your miind w-"  
"Zippers."  
"Wait'll I-waiit. Wha? Why?"  
"I dunno! Ya said the first thing."  
"Hm. Guess tha's it then."  
"Whu?"  
"Think you might be cool."  
"Damn ri-"  
"Losers're cooler th'n cool people though."  
"I c'n for sure be a loser."  
"Feelin' like tha' won't be hard."  
"Kiss me."

_"_ **_Wha_ ** _?"_

"Wanna kiss ya."  
"Why?"  
"Uh, see what it's like? Jus wanna. Yer weird."  
"Y-you sure aren' sh... shy, h-huh?"

 _What_ is this guy? _Whaaat the fuck, even, is this fucking guy_. He actually... should y- _I do tha? No..?_

"Eh, why not right? Worst ya can do is kick me in the balls an dump a milkshake on my head."

Uh.

"...what kinda life do you _lead_ Miyaku?"  
"Atsumu."  
"Hm."

"Oi! I gotcha." _Oh? this his evil-mode?_ "Are ya one a the innocent types? Don worry, I'd be gentle with ya."

Daaamn. He _hahahagaha_ good.

"Gentle?"  
"Yea."  
"Not int'rest'd."  
"Wa- _ooh_. Whoa." Oho _oo,_ you _surprise_ d? "Think girls're different in tha city too, Kireina."

"Think you jus' haven'talked to the right ones."  
"Think I'm talkin to tha righ one now."  
 _Ahk_ , intense. "Don' think so Miyaku."  
"Ya gonna break my heart?"  
He's real _close_. "O-only if you give it."  
"Ya got a boyfriend?"  
He's real _hot_. "Nno. Tha's the point."  
"Shouldn be a problem then, ya?"

"Kirei-chan! B'en lookin' for youu-ey! Whas this?"

Oh this? Yaku-san, looks to be an escape.

 _Thank you_.

? _?_

 _Can't be_ serious _with_ this crap, he's jus' too _damn_ hot, it's best to _just_ , "See _ya_ later, Atsumu-chan."

**[ ^#:*0 pm** \- _So Heavy (I Want You)_ , Beatles Remix **]**

 _...-love this song look at those guys over there uhg why do I always have to be the one out of the brain loop stupid brain! ehh! fuck it all those guys're just doin damn whatever so fuck! it it's a good song it deserves to be danced to! even just me thats fine I don't! even care wanna get lost-no thinking! just move fight control free muscles and it's okay! to look stupid looking stupid is fucking cool sometimes it's real! and it's a really good song! so it deserves it no one looking so its like they say! right dance like_ wouldn't have danced. Not until you forced him, and only after he pretended to put up a fight like he didn't want to for a while. He would have done it then _could have gotten out of my head watching you look like a fucking loser and trying to figure out how anyone could ever think you're a fucking lo-oh for_ fuck's sake.

Of course that damn Miya was watching _is he a bully or something haven't I embarrassed myself enough for one day_ He's asking you go over there _oh it looks like_ apparently your body thinks it's a good idea. At least you can _blame my senseless stuttering on the alcohol_.

 **"Ya** gotta get **new shorts** , **Kireicha."**

 _What that s'posed to mean?_ "Gwheh?" _Are they fucked up? Doesn' look like_ "Buh? These're my fav-"

**"Can't take my fuckin eyes off yer ass."**

_Oh._

**"Makin me look like a total perv ya know."**

_He wants.._.

 **"Givin** a **bad impress** ion in fronta **all yer friend** s."

 _He's looking_ at you.

 **"** Kinda **think** ya might be **torturin me on purpose."**

 _Why's this entire place blacked out, 'cept him, shit, uh, he's that type_ " _Ass_ umu Twin-han, huh?"

 **"Ah** , yer funny huh? Go on an **keep dancin** over there like that. **See wha happ'ns."**

How can you feel it _why is his stare like I can feel the heat of it like a fucking laser god it's not even looking at him its just him looking at me it feels like... like I can take down ushiwaka with this kinda strength its like_ , power, and it's him giving it _laying it at my feet like_ you're a statue of a god and you're _fucking wet for it he hasn't_ touched _except with his eyes_.

 _More_ of that, Miya-kun.

 _oh it's koushi hey_ "I leave for two seconds and find you over here sluttin' it up." _you look so cute tonight koushi awe let me pet your head so cute_ "What are _you_ doing over here, huh?"

He tickles his way into your perception, takes the edge off a little, _god everything_ but _that guy_ and his eyes on you _is fucking just_ void _he's a black hole_

"Ohhh. I see." _keep me on fuckin' earth koushi_ "Are you teasing him?"

He's, "is he?"

"Oh, he's looking alright. If you try any harder, it might even get _me_ hot and bothered."

 _hahaha yeah ohkay_ "tease."

"Says you." _love ya Koushi_ both _sides yanno_ "Wanna make him jealous? He seems like _that_ type."

"He... likes the ass, 'pparentl-EAhh!"  
"Ohhoho. You should see his face."  
"Prob'ly best he can't see mine _damn_."  
"Don't be gross when I'm trying to be nice."

 _lol wish i could tell me back then that i'd be getting my ass grabbed by suga while he danced with me and hahaha with ushijimas hand print only just starting to fade bwahaha what even am_ you _doing with my life_

"We just ass-inception-ed him."  
"Ew."  
"What?"  
" _Assception_ god who are you, oikun?"

"Uhg. I expect _thanks_ you gremlin. Now he's got visual of hands on your ass, and he's _definitely_ replacing them with his own in his head."

 _Think you're right Koushi... think I can fuckin'_ feel him _doin' it from here..._

"He'so _hot_."  
"Eh. He's alright."  
"Shut up an' dance stup'd wi' me."

**[ 0X:X0 am**? _Runaway_ , Kanye West (GINS) **]**

"Thank, for brinin'me."  
"Ya have fun?"  
"Think I loss a shoe... bu'ya!"

something... uh.  
you're... somewhere.

"Eyy you two're susss."  
"You're drunk."  
"If y'r not, we gonna have a problems."  
"Not all lightweights."  
"Ay! Whul, why're you guise so quiet?"  
"Maybe you just can't hear us over yourself."  
"Ah-are you _negging_ me righ' now?"  
YES! _YES!_ A FUCKIN' SPIT TAKE!  
"Heh, 'cuz don'. It'll work, bahaha."

where did... uhm.  
there's... your, wait.

"Say his name then."  
" _Pffltch_. Doesn' mean _an'thng_. Sssupid."  
"Cool, go ahead then."  
"N-I'mean, I c'n _do_ it. I jus-"  
"It's weird. You're weird for being like this."  
"Uh! Uh... T-tet'sku."  
"Pretty sure that isn't his name."  
"Fiiiiiine" _tetsurou_."  
"I'm waiting."  
"I thought it!"  
"Is there a fucking bomb in your neck?!"

someone was just, er.  
you think... haha, what.

"Hey... uh, how you do tha'?"  
"Do what?"  
"...talk t'him."  
"Huh?"  
" _Liike..._ talk normal."  
"Uh, o-ohh. Oh. Fuck."  
"Could do it if he'd quit fuckin' lookin' li'e tha'..."  
"Oh. My go-uh. Just, I'll be right back."

you thought... eventually he.  
would, but.. guess not.

"Wha' happ'n to him?"  
"Tch, you."  
"Whuu?"  
"Nothin'. He drank too much KiKi."  
"Po' beebee semisemi. Heh."  
"Put the damn phone away."  
"He'd wan' it this'way!"

don't, even think... it's just.  
too stupid, to think... about.

_"C'mon an sit over'ere, Ahocha."_  
"Hope'yr no creep."  
 _"Heh. Not me. Ya look like ya could sit, s'all."_

where... did, slow down.  
alright time... to just, sit.

**[ like:one am** \- _Hey_ , Pixies **]**

_Shit._

_So late..._

You're missing bits of it already.

Aren't you?

_Where'd everyone even go?_

Feel, good. Slow.

 _Fuuck_.

So it was missing him after all.

 _Guess it's fine_.

For this and you, to be that way.

 _Isn't even that bad_.

There's too much, to focus on any one thing. It _feels kinda good_ , to just _drown_ in it. Even if _it isn't real_.

Ah.

He would have _made it more_ had fun.

 _Still found a way to fuck shit up_. Still found a way to get all the _my_ attention. Not even here. _It's alright_. Doesn't even _feel bad_ to give it. Not _right_ now. You _can just be_ in my head, with me, _I'm not even gonna be pissed_ you took up so much time without giving up any of yours. Not _like it's even_ his fault I never stopped.

Damn, _idiot_.

Us both right.

Why would you _miss this?_

Ah.

_**There**_ he is.

Just, suddenly existing like it even _makes sense_ that _you_ ever _were_ in the _first_ place.

So where Kuro?

Everyone's watching, can you te _mine_ ll?

Everyone is always looking at _at mine_ you.

 _Where the_ fuck _have_ you _been_.

 _Why do you always have to be_ look _glaring_ ing _at me_ , when everyone else's eyes are on you?

"I said. Wait, did I say something?" _Must be wires getting crossed, between brain and body_. "Was I too loud, or?" _One of those must have felt like being wrapped around him, 'lizard part' maybe_.

"Uh"g.

Can't _do anything graceful_ even jump good.

"Warm breath." _Always does half the work anyway. Grab my leg and wrap it around how you do. I didn't, never get high enough_. **"I'm here."**

 _It tickles, like that. Smell good, like always. Feels good, not missing_ this _part_. "I'm glad, though I am slightly annoyed with you at the moment." _Can't be bothered to be bothered_.

"Like that sound." _Where have you been?_ "Just for me to hear, **Kirei-chan**."

"I'll just worry about that" _later. I'll tell you about it, but he shoulda known already. Should have been here so I wouldn't have to tell you. I could have used a bit of help you know,_ "?" _see that guy?_ He doesn't know _what an unbelievably massive loser I am yet._

 _You were right_. Any of this real? _It's kinda nice_.

"Felt that." _Guess you weren't sick, didn't you want to come? Why are you_ do you look that way _putting me down._ "He's kinda pissed." _I'm happy you're here, so why aren't you_. "Why?"

 **"Ahojoucha..."** _this guy, remember, you said before, about these guys_. "What did he say?"

Hey...

You _know what Kuro-kun? I might be drunk_.

 _Uh oh_. "Sugawara and Oikawa look they might want to yell at you Kuro-kun, haha." _I'm tired now_.

You think I'm just going to _can_ sleep now.

**[ ????? ??** \- _About You_ , XXYYXX **]**

AwaKe?

FeeLs liKe, mOviNg...

SomEonE caRryiNg yOu?

_Whatever_.

MakEs seNse.

Uhg! It's tOo daMn bUmpY.

_"KU-! ...Whueeey, yer no' kewr-roo..."_

"No, I am absolutely fucking not."

MakeS less sEnse.

You cAn figUre thiS out.

VoiCe is dEfiNiteLy Iwa-cHan.

Weird, But suRe.

_warm_.

_not as pointy as you look_.

WaiT.

He cAn't knOw you juSt tHouGht thaT.

 _wait_.

 _don't not carry me_.

BalAnCe thinGs with a tHreat?

_"Kay, wull... don't ev'n think 'bout bein' hot Iwaijime, frikkin', I'll frikkin' bite you."_

"Don't make up names."

 _'kawa's allowed to make up names all the time_.

You sHouLd _get to if I want_.

_oikawa is awesome though.._.

Makes sense he's allowed to make up names.

Pretty people can pretty much do whatever.

_bastards_.

_"Toru's'too cool. He s'like the bessst. An' he s'wayyy too pretty for you Hajizumi."_

"I know."

Oh.

Um...

Good?

_is that why_

Fuck.

Wanna go back to sleep.

 _turn back off brain_.

Stupid thinking.

"Fucking hell, can you fucking not?"

 _stupid Iwa-chan_.

"You're like a fucking, fuck-worm."

I beg your pardon, but _"guwhaa?!"_

"Stop fucking _squirming_ , fucking hell."

Oh.

God fucking dammit.

I, you just want to go to sleep.

 _"'re you sr'sey frrrikkin' hard?"_  
"No! Fuck! I should have left you to fucking die."  
 _"Buh... ar'n you liiike, fully ghey?"_  
"Really wish I was right now."  
 _"Bleh, hope I drinked 'nuff to f'rget this..."_  
"Pretty sure you've got that covered."  
 _"Pffft s'ats why Toru dated t'se gurls, huehue."_  
"Can you just, go into a fucking coma."  
 _"Pless no tell him I accdnt'ly gave you boner."_  
"Shut the _fuck_ up or I'll tell him it was on purpose."  
 _"You wouldn..."_  
"Who's he gonna believe?"

Just.

Go the fuck to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, don't look at me like that. i know. but listen-i was trying something. dunno if itll work, it was FKKN HARD and weirdly personal, but i will say, the next chapter,  
> is...  
> from kuroo's perspective.  
> is ok? let me do really weird stuff sometimes, think of this as like, community or something. theres some weird episodes.
> 
> happy! to answer any questions in the comment :) love you all, would love to converse don't forget to smeeash that kudo button or ill tell everyone your fave song is friday by rebecca black


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